<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0130natla kar\u015f\u0131mdaki g\u00fcne\u015fin bat\u0131\u015f\u0131na bak\u0131yorum. G\u00fcne\u015fin bat\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 izlemek unutkanl\u0131k<\/p>\n\n\n\n
yapar, derler. Kendimi bildim bileli iyi k\u00f6t\u00fc an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 unutmaktan korkan ben, \u015fimdi<\/p>\n\n\n\n
g\u00f6zlerimi k\u0131rpmadan izliyorum g\u00fcne\u015fin bat\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131. Kahverengi, turuncu, sar\u0131 ve karanl\u0131k\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bu d\u00f6ng\u00fc bana benziyor. Her g\u00fcn kendini tekrar ediyor. Hem karanl\u0131k hem ayd\u0131nl\u0131k<\/p>\n\n\n\n
sar\u0131yor bir g\u00fcn i\u00e7erisinde bedenimi. Karanl\u0131k \u00e7\u00f6kerken i\u00e7imdeki sonsuz sevgiden so\u011fuyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bu sebeple batan g\u00fcne\u015fle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda dikkatlice izliyorum bat\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n her evresini \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc<\/p>\n\n\n\n
karanl\u0131k \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde benli\u011fim unutmak istiyor bana s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc, benden ka\u00e7\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 her<\/p>\n\n\n\n
an\u0131, hi\u00e7 tan\u0131\u015fm\u0131yormu\u015fuz gibi davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlar\u0131, g\u00f6rmezden geldi\u011fi ad\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131, nerede<\/p>\n\n\n\n
yanl\u0131\u015f yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp i\u015fin i\u00e7inden \u00e7\u0131kamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m her dakikay\u0131, susu\u015flar\u0131m\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sabah oluyor; g\u00fcne\u015f tekrar do\u011fuyor. Unutmaktan nasibini almam\u0131\u015f zihnimin ekran\u0131na<\/p>\n\n\n\n
yans\u0131yor kocaman g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemesi, ciddiyetle beni dinleyi\u015fleri, zaman\u0131n nas\u0131l ge\u00e7ti\u011fini<\/p>\n\n\n\n
anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sohbetleri, i\u00e7erisinde bulundu\u011fumuz y\u00fczy\u0131la kafa tutan dizeleri\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck\u00e7e kayg\u0131 sar\u0131yor bedenimi. Bir yan\u0131m kendini korumak i\u00e7in i\u00e7 sesiyle<\/p>\n\n\n\n
sava\u015f\u0131yor; di\u011fer yan\u0131m sevgisinden can \u00e7eki\u015fiyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Korkuyorum. Aylard\u0131r uzun uzun yazam\u0131yorum. Bunca zamand\u0131r ilk kez uzun uzun,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
doyas\u0131ya yazmak niyetiyle elime ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m kalemimi durduram\u0131yorum. Sen ak\u0131yor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
m\u00fcrekkebimden. B\u00fct\u00fcn c\u00fcmlelerim seni anlat\u0131yor bana; b\u00fct\u00fcn kelimelerimin yollar\u0131 sana<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sana kap\u0131lmamak i\u00e7in aylard\u0131r g\u00f6rmezden gelmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ink\u00e2r etti\u011fim hislerim<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ve incinmekten \u00e7ekindi\u011fim i\u00e7in ku\u015fand\u0131\u011f\u0131m gard\u0131m, seni ilk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmde varl\u0131\u011f\u0131na yenik<\/p>\n\n\n\n
d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. O zaman anlad\u0131m ki benim i\u00e7 sesimle olan sava\u015f\u0131m \u00e7oktan bitti \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ayaklar\u0131m<\/p>\n\n\n\n
bilin\u00e7sizce beni sana getirdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yan\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131ndayken sanki akl\u0131m izne \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor, b\u00fct\u00fcn kontrol\u00fc kalbim ve \u00e7ocuksu<\/p>\n\n\n\n
heyecan\u0131m devral\u0131yor. Elim aya\u011f\u0131ma dola\u015f\u0131yor. Olgunlu\u011fum uzaktan beni izliyor. Eminim ki<\/p>\n\n\n\n
olgunlu\u011fum da hayretler i\u00e7inde kal\u0131yor. Ben, beni tan\u0131yamaz h\u00e2le geliyorum. Olgunlu\u011fum<\/p>\n\n\n\n
yeniden v\u00fccuduma yerle\u015fti\u011finde bazen o an kiminle ne konu\u015ftu\u011fumu bile hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum.G\u00f6zlerin sat\u0131rlar\u0131ma de\u011fecek, biliyorum. \u0130\u00e7imden geleni yap\u0131yorum. Eski y\u00fczy\u0131l\u0131n<\/p>\n\n\n\n