(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 2 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
En kalabal\u0131k caddelerde y\u00fcr\u00fcrken bile, ad\u0131mlar\u0131ndaki yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 hisseder insan. Kahkahalar\u0131n \u00e7arp\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131, konu\u015fmalar\u0131n \u00fcst \u00fcste y\u0131\u011f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u015fehrin o metalik u\u011fultusunun kulaklar\u0131 doldurdu\u011fu sokaklarda kelimelerine yer bulunamayabilir. \u00d6yle zamanlar olur ki koca caddede herkes g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez bir senaryonun par\u00e7as\u0131d\u0131r; bir tek senin rol\u00fcn yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r o devasa sahnede. Kalabal\u0131klar\u0131n i\u00e7inde yer al\u0131r insan. Zaman zaman g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcn\u00fcn ortas\u0131nda, tek ba\u015f\u0131na telaffuz edilmeyi bekleyen bir harf gibi… B\u00f6yledir i\u015fte. Kalabal\u0131klar aras\u0131nda var olup da g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr olamamak yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en tenha bi\u00e7imidir. <\/strong>Hele ki insan, duygular\u0131n\u0131 aktaramaz; aktar\u0131r da anla\u015f\u0131lamazsa etraf\u0131ndaki kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n anlam\u0131 t\u00fcm\u00fcyle yitirilir. B\u00f6ylece ki\u015fi, aktaramad\u0131\u011f\u0131 duygular\u0131n\u0131n kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ve konu\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131 insanlar\u0131n yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kal\u0131r. Omuzlar\u0131n birbirine de\u011fdi\u011fi metro vagonlar\u0131nda ya da t\u0131kl\u0131m t\u0131kl\u0131m muhabbet dolu meydanlarda bile insan\u0131n ruhu ancak kendi ayaz\u0131nda \u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Belki de en a\u011f\u0131r yaln\u0131zl\u0131k, hi\u00e7 duyulmam\u0131\u015f olmak de\u011fil, duyulup da anla\u015f\u0131lmamakt\u0131r. \u0130nsan, kendine ait bir c\u00fcmle bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kalabal\u0131klar anlam\u0131n\u0131 yitirir, sesler susar ve geriye s\u00f6ylenmemi\u015f bir kelime gibi i\u00e7inde ta\u015f\u0131nan o eksik varolu\u015f kal\u0131r. I\u015f\u0131klar y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7arpar ama i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tmaz art\u0131k. Herkesin bir acelesi, yeti\u015fecek bir yeri vard\u0131r; senin ise durup soluklanacak bir yerin yok gibidir. Bazen bir g\u00f6zle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131rs\u0131n belki “Beni g\u00f6r.” demek i\u00e7in ancak uzun s\u00fcrmez o bak\u0131\u015f, hepsi gibi usulca kay\u0131p gider. \u015eehir seni itmez belki t\u0131pk\u0131 varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da pek umursamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi. Nihayetinde insan uyan\u0131r ve bu sa\u011f\u0131r edici kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde kendine s\u0131\u011f\u0131nmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenir. D\u0131\u015far\u0131daki g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc ne kadar artarsa arts\u0131n i\u00e7indeki sessizli\u011fi bir z\u0131rh gibi ku\u015fan\u0131r. Zaten belki de as\u0131l mesele anla\u015f\u0131lmay\u0131 beklemek de\u011fil, o anla\u015f\u0131lamaman\u0131n getirdi\u011fi \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fckte kendi dilini yaratmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Eda Demiral <\/p>\n\n\n\n