{"id":6106,"date":"2025-12-04T12:16:43","date_gmt":"2025-12-04T09:16:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=6106"},"modified":"2025-12-04T12:16:44","modified_gmt":"2025-12-04T09:16:44","slug":"kullu-peri-masali","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kullu-peri-masali","title":{"rendered":"K\u00fcll\u00fc Peri Masal\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 5 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcn, y\u0131ld\u0131zlar bile uyumazken, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n sessizli\u011finde senin ad\u0131n\u0131 f\u0131s\u0131lday\u0131p g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne d\u00f6kerken, seni sevmekle bir ba\u015f\u0131ma kalman\u0131n tarifsiz ac\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fc parampar\u00e7a edecek.<\/strong> Y\u0131ld\u0131z tozlar\u0131m\u0131n aksine kanayan g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m sa\u00e7\u0131lacak bu kez en derin hik\u00e2yeme. G\u00f6\u011fe de\u011fil, i\u00e7imin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na ya\u011facak her damla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki de her masal biraz b\u00f6yle ba\u015flar; en parlak \u0131\u015f\u0131k en karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ba\u011fr\u0131nda yanar, en \u00e7ok seven en derinden susar, en \u00e7ok isteyen en az dokunabilir. Belki tamamlanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir masal\u0131n g\u00f6lgesinde uzun s\u00fcre ya\u015fayanlar ger\u00e7ekten perilerdir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc insan, tamamlanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 masal\u0131n g\u00f6lgesinde ya\u015fayamaz; ya tamamen b\u0131rak\u0131r ya da tamamen yanar. Ben b\u0131rakamad\u0131m ve yanmay\u0131 se\u00e7tim. Bile isteye i\u00e7imdeki t\u00fcm k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131mlar\u0131n beni i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e kavurmas\u0131na raz\u0131 gelip durmadan yazd\u0131m. Yazd\u0131k\u00e7a biraz daha yand\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\u015fk\u0131n sabaha kadar konu\u015fmak de\u011fil; sabaha kadar konu\u015famamak oldu\u011fu bir geceden yaz\u0131yorum sana. G\u00f6z\u00fcne uyku girmeyen her bir saniyenin fark\u0131ndal\u0131\u011f\u0131yla, sana uykumdan verip seni karanl\u0131ktan koruyabilirmi\u015f\u00e7esine geceyi ayd\u0131nlat\u0131yor g\u00f6zlerim. E\u011fer ger\u00e7ekten masallardaki bir r\u00fcya perisi olsayd\u0131m, uykumu avu\u00e7lar\u0131ma toplay\u0131p sana \u00fcflerdim. Ne ben bir periyim ne de biz bir r\u00fcyaday\u0131z. Peri oldu\u011fumu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn en ger\u00e7ek insan\u0131m ben. Elimde yapabilece\u011fim bir sihrim yok, d\u00f6rt bir yandan her yan\u0131ma \u00e7arpan keskin b\u0131\u00e7aklar var sadece. Her biri senden uzak kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerleri daha da derinle\u015ftiriyor. Sessizli\u011fin ortas\u0131nda, uzaktan seni izlemekten ba\u015fka yapabildi\u011fim bir \u015fey yok; \u00e7aresizli\u011fim bile \u00e7aresiz. Ger\u00e7ekten bir r\u00fcyada olsayd\u0131k bir \u00e7aresi olurdu, de\u011fil mi? Bir yolu, bir \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131, bir d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u00e7imde s\u00fcregelen masal\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 un ufak etme korkusundan kendime bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131m kalmam\u0131\u015f. Sanki i\u00e7imde tek bir oda varm\u0131\u015f da ben i\u00e7eri girmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a kap\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcme kapan\u0131yormu\u015f gibi. Tutunduk\u00e7a batmak gibi seni sevmek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece seni sevmekle kalman\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131yla uyuyamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gecelerden biri; sana dokunamamak, sana verecek hi\u00e7bir \u015feyimin olmamas\u0131 her nefesimde biraz daha i\u00e7imi yak\u0131yor. Sevmek bile dokunamamakm\u0131\u015f baz\u0131 zamanlar; insan\u0131n en \u00e7ok ihtiyac\u0131 olan \u015feye en az yakla\u015fabilmesi, en \u00e7ok i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7en c\u00fcmleyi en az s\u00f6yleyebilmesi. Sana verecek hi\u00e7bir \u015feyim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerde, me\u011fer sen benden \u00f6nce \u00e7ok \u015fey b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n bana. Kokun yetmezmi\u015f gibi, nefesini de alm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n yan\u0131ma.  Bana b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n yaln\u0131zca bir ba\u015fl\u0131k olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, bir varl\u0131k ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sonradan anlad\u0131m. \u201cYaln\u0131z de\u011filsin!\u201d demek i\u00e7in, raf\u0131ndan rastgele bir kelime uzatmad\u0131n bana; kendi d\u00fcnyandan bir par\u00e7ay\u0131 b\u0131rakt\u0131n avu\u00e7lar\u0131ma. Bir yan\u0131n\u0131 b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n, bir yan\u0131n kalm\u0131\u015f sanki sayfalar\u0131n aras\u0131nda; g\u00f6zlerin gibi saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131n, g\u00f6zlerin gibi saklayaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki de en ger\u00e7ek h\u00e2liyle seviyorum seni; dokunamayacak kadar uzaktan, vazge\u00e7emeyecek kadar yak\u0131ndan. Sesin yokken bile i\u00e7imde yank\u0131n s\u00fcr\u00fcyor, suskunlu\u011funda bile bana bir \u015feyler anlat\u0131yorsun\u2026 Bilirsin, baz\u0131 geceler konu\u015fmak yetmez; kelimeler a\u011f\u0131r gelir, c\u00fcmleler topallamaya ba\u015flar. Baz\u0131 geceler insan sadece \u201corada olmak\u201d ister. Ben de bu gece, kelimelerin de\u011fil varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n sana de\u011fmesini diliyorum. Bu gece, uzakl\u0131\u011fa ra\u011fmen sana yakla\u015fman\u0131n tek yolu sessizli\u011fime seni koymak ve senin sessizli\u011finde sensizli\u011fime yer aramak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uyku g\u00f6z kapaklar\u0131m\u0131 her seferinde nazik\u00e7e \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rsa da senin ad\u0131n\u0131n ge\u00e7ti\u011fi her d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce beni tekrar uyand\u0131r\u0131yor. Sanki uyan\u0131k kalmak, seni unutmamak i\u00e7in verilmi\u015f bir s\u00f6z gibi. Sanki uyumak, sana ihanet etmek demek. Bir yan\u0131m \u201cGit dinlen! G\u00f6zlerini kapa, sabah olsun aniden.\u201d diyor, di\u011fer yan\u0131m \u201cYa sen uyursan ve ben bu geceyi ya\u015fayamadan sabah olursa?\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yor. Seni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek uyan\u0131k kalmak bile seni kaybetmekten daha az ac\u0131 veriyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130lk defa \u015fimdi can\u0131m\u0131 ger\u00e7ekten yak\u0131yor mesafeler, sar\u0131lamamak\u2026 Uzaklar\u0131 yak\u0131n eden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler, nefret etti\u011fim so\u011fuk rakamlara kar\u015f\u0131 koyam\u0131yor art\u0131k.  Sanki aram\u0131zdaki kilometreler gecenin i\u00e7ine gizlenmi\u015f ince dikenler gibi tenime bat\u0131yor. Sesini duymak yetmiyor, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissetmek istiyorum; omzuna yaslan\u0131p susman\u0131n bile en b\u00fcy\u00fck l\u00fcks oldu\u011fu o yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131. Ve gariptir insan, en \u00e7ok ihtiya\u00e7 duydu\u011fu anda eli bo\u015f kal\u0131yor. Belki bu y\u00fczden ac\u0131 bu kadar ger\u00e7ek, bu kadar keskin. Belki de bu y\u00fczden seni sevmek bu kadar sensiz. Yakla\u015fman\u0131n m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir d\u00fcnyada belki de en \u00e7ok bu y\u00fczden birle\u015fmeye dair her d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayn\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bakmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenemedik\u00e7e iki ayr\u0131 bedende ta\u015f\u0131n\u0131yor ayn\u0131 ac\u0131. Farkl\u0131 sayfalar\u0131n aras\u0131nda s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f ayn\u0131 masal\u0131n iki kahraman\u0131. Belki ger\u00e7ek peri masal\u0131 iki \u00e7ift g\u00f6zde gizli; \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 da karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 da ayn\u0131 anda ta\u015f\u0131yan o derin bak\u0131\u015flarda. En insans\u0131 yan\u0131m\u0131zda sakl\u0131 her \u015fey. Hik\u00e2ye orada ba\u015fl\u0131yor, orada bitiyor. Bitmesine bitiyor ama\u2026 Peri masal\u0131 i\u015fte. Zaten masallar yaln\u0131zca bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6z k\u0131rp\u0131yor, sonra sessizce kayboluyor; t\u0131pk\u0131 periler gibi, t\u0131pk\u0131 senin gibi\u2026 K\u0131r\u0131lgan, hafif, dokunulsa da\u011f\u0131lacak kadar ger\u00e7ek.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6z k\u0131rp\u0131\u015f\u0131n ge\u00e7eli \u00e7ok oldu ama karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n h\u00e2l\u00e2 i\u00e7imde yan\u0131yor. Her \u015feyin ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131nda sakl\u0131 olan o masal, asl\u0131nda hi\u00e7 anlat\u0131lmad\u0131; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc tamamlanmas\u0131na izin vermedin. Hik\u00e2ye yar\u0131m kald\u0131 ama ac\u0131s\u0131 tam oldu. Bizden geriye kalan tek \u015fey: bitmemi\u015f bir c\u00fcmlenin ucunda sallanan bir nefes. Ve ben, o nefese as\u0131l\u0131 duruyorum h\u00e2l\u00e2. Kendimi b\u0131rakmadan ama ayn\u0131 zamanda d\u00fc\u015fmeden, senin yoklu\u011funda sallanarak\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130nsan kendini ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n yar\u0131m b\u0131rak\u0131\u015f\u0131yla yeniden yazmak istemez; yenilginin m\u00fcrekkebi a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131r \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Ama bana d\u00fc\u015fen, sensizli\u011fin a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kelimelerime sarmak oluyor. Sanki periler hi\u00e7 u\u00e7mam\u0131\u015f da sadece kanatlar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6lgesinin de\u011fmesiyle \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rm\u0131\u015f bir \u015faire d\u00f6nd\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015fler beni. Bitmeyen m\u0131sralar\u0131mda senden bahsetmek d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f bana. Akl\u0131m\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131na her vurdu\u011fumda, de\u011fne\u011fimden sa\u00e7\u0131l\u0131p durmu\u015f peri tozlar\u0131m. Neye dokunsam sende da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f sanki. Kalemimden d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcrken ilham\u0131m, senin yar\u0131m b\u0131rakt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n bi\u00e7im de\u011fi\u015ftirmi\u015f ac\u0131s\u0131 en koyu c\u00fcmlelerimin aras\u0131na s\u0131z\u0131yor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir peri de\u011fil de yazar isen, hayaletler dola\u015f\u0131p duruyor sayfalar\u0131nda; senin hayaletin en sessiz sat\u0131rlarda bile nefes al\u0131yor. Senin hayaletin nefes al\u0131yor, ben alam\u0131yorum. Her gece defterime e\u011fildi\u011fimde sat\u0131rlar kendi kendine sana do\u011fru ak\u0131yor; ad\u0131n\u0131 yazmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m h\u00e2lde t\u00fcm metinler sana \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. Sana var\u0131yorum senden ka\u00e7t\u0131k\u00e7a. Ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f\u0131m yol oluyor sana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Periler d\u00fcz yolda y\u00fcr\u00fcrken ben kelimelerin dikenli patikas\u0131nda yaralar\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fcrtmek zorunday\u0131m. Belki ba\u015fka \u015fekilde iyile\u015fmeyi bilmiyorum. Seni yazmazsam ben eksilece\u011fim belki. Yazd\u0131k\u00e7a fark ediyorum ki hi\u00e7bir kelime seni tam anlam\u0131yla anlatam\u0131yor; hi\u00e7bir c\u00fcmle seni tamamen b\u0131rakm\u0131yor. Ne seni i\u00e7imden s\u00f6k\u00fcp atabiliyorum ne de i\u00e7ime yerle\u015ftirdi\u011fin bo\u015flu\u011fu doldurabiliyorum. Senden s\u00f6z ettik\u00e7e seni i\u00e7imde daha \u00e7ok tutuyorum; sustuk\u00e7a daha \u00e7ok kaybediyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama biliyorum; masal bitse bile, his bitmiyor. Peri u\u00e7up gitse bile ard\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 tozunun \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6zlerinde kal\u0131yor. K\u00fcl so\u011fusa bile ac\u0131 s\u00f6nm\u00fcyor; ate\u015fi bitiyor ama yan\u0131\u011f\u0131 kal\u0131yor. Ve belki de beni en \u00e7ok ya\u015fatan ve ya\u015fatmayan, kalan iz oluyor. Her sat\u0131rda biraz daha kan\u0131yorum. Yine de yaz\u0131yorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc anlama \u00e7abas\u0131nda de\u011fil, tutunma \u00e7abas\u0131ndad\u0131r yazarlar. Ve ben tutunabilmek i\u00e7in seni yaz\u0131yorum; her sat\u0131rda biraz daha eksilerek\u2026 Yazd\u0131k\u00e7a azal\u0131yorum ama sustuk\u00e7a yok oluyorum. Bu y\u00fczden kalemimin ucuna tutunuyorum; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc seninle yar\u0131m kalan masal\u0131n, yaln\u0131zca kelimelerde devam edebildi\u011fini biliyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f bir masal\u0131n k\u00fcllerinden kendimi \u00e7\u0131karamadan, o k\u00fcllerin i\u00e7ine g\u00f6m\u00fclmeyi se\u00e7iyorum. Ve en ac\u0131s\u0131 ne biliyor musun? Ben h\u00e2l\u00e2 o k\u00fcl\u00fcn i\u00e7inde ad\u0131n\u0131 ar\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0131la \u0130rem \u00c7olak<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/pin.it\/4yP0Cy0vJ<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cG\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcn, y\u0131ld\u0131zlar bile uyumazken, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n sessizli\u011finde senin ad\u0131n\u0131 f\u0131s\u0131lday\u0131p g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne d\u00f6kerken, seni sevmekle bir ba\u015f\u0131ma kalman\u0131n tarifsiz ac\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fc parampar\u00e7a edecek.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6107,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nK\u00fcll\u00fc Peri Masal\u0131 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kullu-peri-masali\" \/>\n<meta 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