(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 2 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ne zaman \u00f6zg\u00fcr oldu\u011fumuzu soruyorum kendime. Belki d\u00fcn belki yaln\u0131zca \u00fc\u00e7 saniye \u00f6nce\u2026 \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck \u00fczerine konu\u015fuldu\u011funda \u00e7o\u011fu zaman ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 onaylarcas\u0131na sall\u0131yorum; sanki anlam\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi, sanki ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi ama biliyorum. \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, \u00e7ocukken kopard\u0131\u011f\u0131m ipin ard\u0131ndan ba\u015fka bir ipe d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlenmekten ibaretti. Koptum sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerde yeniden ba\u011fland\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ya\u015fam, hi\u00e7 kapanmayan bir sahne. \u0130nsanlar rollerini ezberlemi\u015f, s\u00f6zlerini \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f. Zincirlerini \u201c\u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck\u201d diye adland\u0131r\u0131yor, s\u00fcsl\u00fcyor, cilal\u0131yor. Oysa ayn\u0131 \u015fark\u0131y\u0131 ayn\u0131 yerinden s\u00f6yleyen, ayn\u0131 c\u00fcmleyi ayn\u0131 tonda dile getiren bir toplulukta \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck ger\u00e7ekten var olabilir mi? G\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrdeki \u00e7e\u015fitlilik, asl\u0131nda tek seslili\u011fin maskesi de\u011fil midir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bir adam\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Ad\u0131n\u0131 unuttu\u011fum bu adam, bir g\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn saatleri toplad\u0131, duvarlar\u0131na ast\u0131. Her saat ba\u015fka bir zaman\u0131 g\u00f6steriyordu: do\u011fdu\u011fu an\u0131, \u00e2\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011fu g\u00fcn\u00fc, \u00f6lece\u011fi dakikay\u0131\u2026 Saatlerin ortas\u0131nda durdu ve \u015f\u00f6yle dedi: \u201cArt\u0131k \u00f6zg\u00fcr\u00fcm \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hi\u00e7bir saate inanm\u0131yorum.\u201d \u0130\u015fte o an anlad\u0131m. Belki de \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, zaman\u0131n buyru\u011funu reddetmektir \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaman, g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez zincirlerin en sessizidir.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ben de \u015fimdi penceresiz bir odaday\u0131m. Ne sabah\u0131n ne gecenin h\u00fckm\u00fc var burada. Ad\u0131m\u0131 bile unutmu\u015f gibiyim. Kap\u0131 arada \u00e7al\u0131yor. Kimse yok, diyorum. Sesim bana geri d\u00f6n\u00fcyor. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla konu\u015fuyorum, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla b\u00fcy\u00fcyorum ve bundan \u015fik\u00e2yet\u00e7i de\u011filim. Belki de yaln\u0131zl\u0131k, \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn en \u00e7\u0131plak h\u00e2lidir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bir g\u00fcn \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bulursam onu bir kavanoza koyaca\u011f\u0131m. \u00dczerine \u015fu notu d\u00fc\u015fece\u011fim: \u201cA\u00e7may\u0131n\u0131z. \u0130\u00e7indekinin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131, d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki bo\u015fluktad\u0131r.\u201d<\/em> \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7o\u011fu zaman yoklu\u011fuyla kan\u0131tlar; dile getirildi\u011finde eksilen, yakaland\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kaybolan bir anlamd\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ve \u015fimdi, hik\u00e2yeyi burada b\u0131rak\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck gibi baz\u0131 \u015feyler yar\u0131m kal\u0131nca daha ger\u00e7ek olur. Belki d\u00fcn, belki \u00fc\u00e7 saniye \u00f6nce \u00f6zg\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Belki de tam \u015fu an, bu c\u00fcmleyi yar\u0131m b\u0131rak\u0131rken\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kadir Ede<\/p>\n\n\n\n