(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k 2 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Baz\u0131 misafirler kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7almadan girer. \u0130\u00e7eriye ad\u0131m att\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 fark etmezsin bile. Sessizdirler, kibard\u0131rlar ilk ba\u015fta; sadece biraz yorgunluk, belki hafif bir ba\u015f a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131, belki de ge\u00e7meyen bir \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fck gibi… Ama sonra, o misafirin ge\u00e7ici de\u011fil, kal\u0131c\u0131 oldu\u011funu anlars\u0131n. O zaman hastal\u0131k, sadece bir beden k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 olmaktan \u00e7\u0131kar; zihnini, ruhunu ve hatta zaman alg\u0131n\u0131 bile bozar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bir sabah uyan\u0131rs\u0131n, d\u00fcnya ayn\u0131 d\u00fcnya ama sen art\u0131k ayn\u0131 de\u011filsindir. Perdeden s\u0131zan \u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc kama\u015ft\u0131rmaz, sokaktan ge\u00e7en \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n sesi i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tmaz. <\/strong>Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131n saat, ka\u00e7ta yatm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fundan daha \u00f6nemli de\u011fildir art\u0131k. G\u00fcnlerin birbirine kar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Takvim yapraklar\u0131 kopar\u0131lmaz; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaman yaln\u0131zca seni beklemeyen bir \u015fey haline gelir. \u0130nsanlar y\u00fcr\u00fcr, konu\u015fur, ya\u015far. Sen sadece izlersin. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hastal\u0131k, insana kendi bedenini zindan eder. En s\u0131radan eylemler bile b\u00fcy\u00fck zaferlere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr: bir bardak suyu kald\u0131rmak, aya\u011fa kalkmak, birka\u00e7 ad\u0131m atmak\u2026 Her \u015feyin k\u0131ymeti yeniden yaz\u0131l\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hastal\u0131k, d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan bak\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda yaln\u0131zca bir te\u015fhis gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr. Doktorun a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kan birka\u00e7 t\u0131bbi terimle s\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131d\u0131r herkes i\u00e7in. Ama i\u00e7eride, i\u00e7indeki f\u0131rt\u0131na ba\u015fkad\u0131r. Onu ta\u015f\u0131yan bilir. Gece uyumak kolay de\u011fildir, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bedenin yorgundur ama zihin hep uyan\u0131kt\u0131r. Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ilk d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn \u015fey g\u00fcne dair planlar\u0131n de\u011fil, a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131n nereye yerle\u015fti\u011fi olur. Eskiden g\u00fcl\u00fcp ge\u00e7ti\u011fin \u015feyler art\u0131k seni a\u011flatabilir; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc savunmas\u0131z kal\u0131rs\u0131n. Z\u0131rhlar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcrs\u00fcn. Kendine bile yalan s\u00f6yleyemezsin art\u0131k.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ama i\u015fte tam da burada ba\u015flar hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n sana katt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sessiz ders. Seni senden al\u0131rken sana seni tan\u0131t\u0131r. O g\u00fcnlerde neye tutundu\u011funu fark edersin. Dualara m\u0131, bir \u00e7ift s\u00f6ze mi, kendine verdi\u011fin k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck s\u00f6zlere mi? Bir fincan \u00e7ay\u0131n buhar\u0131nda umut arars\u0131n, pencereye konan ku\u015fta bir teselli… Yava\u015flars\u0131n. Bu yava\u015fl\u0131kta kendinle y\u00fczle\u015firsin. G\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc susar, i\u00e7 ses konu\u015fur. Ve fark edersin ki, kendinle ba\u015f ba\u015fa kalmak da bir yetenektir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Zamanla, bedenin belki biraz iyile\u015fir ya da al\u0131\u015f\u0131r ona. Hastal\u0131k gitmese bile sen onunla ya\u015famay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenirsin. Bir misafir gibi a\u011f\u0131rlars\u0131n onu, isyan etmeden. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc anl\u0131yorsun art\u0131k: her \u015fey ge\u00e7meyebilir, ama her \u015feyle ya\u015famay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenebilirsin. Direnmek de\u011fil bazen mesele, kabullenmektir. Kabullenmek, boyun e\u011fmek de\u011fil; aksine, en g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc duru\u015ftur. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ya\u015famak, sadece sa\u011fl\u0131kla ko\u015fmak de\u011fildir. Bazen yerde s\u00fcr\u00fcnerek de olsa y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye devam etmektir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Merve Gedik<\/p>\n\n\n\n https:\/\/pin.it\/6Imgpi5m8<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Perdeden s\u0131zan \u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc kama\u015ft\u0131rmaz, sokaktan ge\u00e7en \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n sesi i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tmaz.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5773,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n