{"id":5269,"date":"2024-07-22T19:35:56","date_gmt":"2024-07-22T16:35:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5269"},"modified":"2024-07-22T19:35:56","modified_gmt":"2024-07-22T16:35:56","slug":"senin-sucun-degildi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/senin-sucun-degildi","title":{"rendered":"Senin Su\u00e7un De\u011fildi"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 4 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Duvarda as\u0131l\u0131 bir sarka\u00e7 vard\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gen\u00e7, saatin alt\u0131ndan sallanan sarka\u00e7 bir sa\u011fa bir sola sallan\u0131rken g\u00f6zleriyle o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck topu takip ediyor, a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kacak kelimeleri toparlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu kafas\u0131nda. Kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki adam s\u00fckunetle gencin konu\u015fmas\u0131 i\u00e7in ona zaman tan\u0131yordu. Elindeki kalemin ucunu s\u00fcrekli k\u00e2\u011f\u0131da de\u011fdirip nokta nokta izler b\u0131rak\u0131rken t\u0131k\u0131rt\u0131 sesinin dikkat da\u011f\u0131taca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek kendisini durdurdu. Tam o esnada gen\u00e7, dudaklar\u0131n\u0131 aralad\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c\u0130nsano\u011flu \u00e7ok tuhaf.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6zlerini sarkac\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck topundan \u00e7ekip kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakinin g\u00f6zlerine \u00e7evirirken, adam sessizli\u011fini korumaya devam etti.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c\u00c7eli\u015firler s\u00fcrekli kendileriyle. Bencilli\u011fin vasat bir kavram oldu\u011fundan bahsederler mesela, bencil insan\u0131 g\u00fcnahk\u00e2r ilan ederler. Buna ra\u011fmen \u2018bencil\u2019 kavram\u0131n\u0131, kendi bencilliklerinin \u00f6n\u00fcne ge\u00e7ildi\u011fi \u00e2nlarda kullan\u0131rlar.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00d6fke y\u0131k\u0131p d\u00f6ker, mahveder kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na gelen her \u015feyi. \u00d6fkeye maruz kalm\u0131\u015f ki\u015filer o y\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131dan olu\u015fan harabeyi toparlamakla u\u011fra\u015f\u0131rken, di\u011ferleri \u00f6fkenin d\u0131\u015favurumunu iyi olarak de\u011ferlendirirler. G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda \u00f6fkeye maruz kalm\u0131\u015f ki\u015fi, nefretten nefret eder hale gelir.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Beklentiler yorar.\u2019 derler. Buna kar\u015f\u0131n umuttan bahsederler. Umudunu kaybetmi\u015f bir insana hayat\u0131 kaybetmi\u015f g\u00f6z\u00fcyle bakarken, beklentilerle dolu bir insana g\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011frayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerler. Umudu yerle bir eden \u015fey zaten olmas\u0131 beklenilen hayalin yerine gelmemesi de\u011fil midir? Beklenti ile umudu birbirinden ay\u0131ran nedir?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Soru muydu bu? Adam cevap verip vermemek aras\u0131nda kalsa da halen gencin s\u00f6yleyeceklerinin oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc ve yaln\u0131zca defterine notlar almaya ba\u015flad\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Gencin beklentileri her daim h\u00fcsrana u\u011fratm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fini. O da y\u00fcre\u011finde herhangi bir beklenti bar\u0131nd\u0131rmamaya ant i\u00e7mi\u015fti. G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda ise aynada kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fi umudunu kaybetmi\u015f bir insan\u0131n ta kendisiydi. Nerede yanl\u0131\u015f yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cArt\u0131k samimi gelmiyor hi\u00e7bir duygu. Ben bencilli\u011fimden feragat ettim sevgi u\u011fruna, \u015fimdi ise bana g\u00f6sterilen sevgi i\u00e7ten gelmiyor \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onu kazanmak i\u00e7in \u00e7abalayan bendim. Ben oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in de\u011fil, \u00e7abam oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in sevdiler beni. Bir \u00e7eksem elimi aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131, yapayaln\u0131z kalaca\u011f\u0131m hayat\u0131n ortas\u0131nda.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Kendisinden verdi\u011fi \u00f6d\u00fcnleri d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck\u00e7e ka\u015flar\u0131 \u00e7at\u0131ld\u0131, ama tek sorunun burada olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 fark etti.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSanki ne zaman birisinin sevgisine inansam, yanl\u0131\u015f bir umuda kap\u0131lmama neden olduklar\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00f6z\u00fcr dileyecekler benden. Bu \u00f6z\u00fcr \u00e7ok tan\u0131d\u0131k geliyor. \u00d6fkesini kusan ve sinirine h\u00e2kim olamad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan yak\u0131p y\u0131kan insanlar da \u00f6z\u00fcr diliyor her \u015fey bitti\u011finde. Ortada harabe kal\u0131yor yaln\u0131zca ama sanki o harabeyi bir \u00f6z\u00fcr toparlayabilecekmi\u015f gibi kar\u015f\u0131ma ge\u00e7ip \u00f6z\u00fcr diliyorlar. En ac\u0131s\u0131 da ne biliyor musun? Onlar\u0131 su\u00e7lu hissetti\u011fi i\u00e7in hem i\u00e7lerindeki \u00f6fkeden hem de kendimden nefret ediyorum.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6zleri doldu, adam not almaya devam etti. Gencin s\u00f6ylediklerine dahi yeti\u015femiyorken, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerine yeti\u015fmesi nas\u0131l m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olabilirdi?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSanki ne vakit ger\u00e7ekten g\u00fcne\u015f a\u00e7sa kalbimde, o g\u00fcne\u015fin \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 oraya tutan ki\u015fi kafas\u0131n\u0131n kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011funu, bu y\u00fczden yanl\u0131\u015f bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k tuttu\u011funu s\u00f6yleyecek. Kalbimdeki g\u00fcne\u015f k\u00fcl edecek t\u00fcm y\u00fcre\u011fimi. Buzla kaplad\u0131m ben de kalbimi. Umutlanmamam gerekirdi, beklentiye girmemem gerekirdi. Birisinin bana ger\u00e7ek anlamda de\u011fer verece\u011fine inanmamam gerekirdi. Benim hatam.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sessizlik hakimiyet kurdu yeniden odada. Koltu\u011fa kurulmu\u015f gen\u00e7, kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakinin bir \u015feyler s\u00f6ylemesi i\u00e7in sessizli\u011fe b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc bu sefer. Neden bekledi\u011fini kendisi de bilmiyordu. S\u00f6ylemesini istedi\u011fi bir \u015fey mi vard\u0131? Saatin sarkac\u0131 sallanmaya devam etti.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam gencin ge\u00e7mi\u015fini biliyordu. Kalbindeki o buzlar\u0131n alt\u0131nda a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f yaralara nelerin sebep oldu\u011fundan haberdard\u0131. Not alm\u0131yordu art\u0131k, kalemi sessizce masan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda tek bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleyebilmi\u015fti:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSenin su\u00e7un de\u011fildi.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Bunu duymay\u0131 beklemiyordu gen\u00e7, d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc ya\u015flar\u0131 bir bir g\u00f6zlerinden. \u201cNe demek benim su\u00e7um de\u011fildi?\u201d dedi sakinlikle. Ancak bu sakinli\u011fi uzun s\u00fcrmedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNe demek benim su\u00e7um de\u011fildi! Y\u0131llarca y\u00fcz\u00fcme vurulan buyken sen ne c\u00fcretle bunu s\u00f6ylersin bana?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130nk\u00e2r etti, belki de duymaya en \u00e7ok ihtiyac\u0131 olan \u015feyi duydu\u011fu i\u00e7in nefret etti\u011fi \u00f6fkenin esiri oldu bir \u00e2nda. \u201cBenim su\u00e7um!\u201d dedi g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 ard\u0131 arkas\u0131 kesilmeden akarken. \u201cYalan s\u00f6ylemi\u015f olamazlar bana\u2026 Benim su\u00e7um!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Sarka\u00e7 sallanmaya devam etti, saat durmadan ilerledi. Gen\u00e7 h\u0131rsla yerinden kalk\u0131p saati yerinden \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 ve yere atarak parampar\u00e7a etti. Yelkovan\u0131 say\u0131lar \u00fczerinde gezinmeyi b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda sarkac\u0131ndaki top yuvarlanarak aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131n dibine ula\u015ft\u0131. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerine h\u00e2kim olamazken dizlerinin \u00fczerine \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc ve y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc kapatarak g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 gizlemeye \u00e7abalad\u0131. Fakat h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc gizleyemiyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sarka\u00e7l\u0131 saat i\u00e7in zaman durdu, her bir par\u00e7as\u0131 bir yana savruldu. Gen\u00e7, kalbini kalkan gibi sarm\u0131\u015f buzlara o kadar ba\u011fl\u0131yd\u0131 ki kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na buzlar\u0131 eritmek i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131kan her \u015feyi saat gibi parampar\u00e7a etmeye haz\u0131rd\u0131. Fakat saati par\u00e7alasa da bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc zaman\u0131 par\u00e7alayamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: Beyza Dilara Me\u015feci<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/tr.pinterest.com\/pin\/142848619425966410\/<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Beklentiler yorar.\u2019 derler. Buna kar\u015f\u0131n umuttan bahsederler. Umudunu kaybetmi\u015f bir insana hayat\u0131 kaybetmi\u015f g\u00f6z\u00fcyle bakarken, beklentilerle dolu bir insana g\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011frayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerler. Umudu yerle bir eden \u015fey zaten olmas\u0131 beklenilen hayalin yerine gelmemesi de\u011fil midir? Beklenti ile umudu birbirinden ay\u0131ran nedir?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":5270,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nSenin Su\u00e7un De\u011fildi | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/senin-sucun-degildi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Senin Su\u00e7un De\u011fildi | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" 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