{"id":5233,"date":"2024-06-19T12:32:34","date_gmt":"2024-06-19T09:32:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5233"},"modified":"2024-06-19T12:32:34","modified_gmt":"2024-06-19T09:32:34","slug":"sahnelenen-hayat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/sahnelenen-hayat","title":{"rendered":"Sahnelenen Hayat"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k 2 dk s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAnlams\u0131z bir kasvetin ete\u011finde dolanan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocu\u011fum. Havalardan m\u0131d\u0131r nedir, enerjim istesem de g\u00f6remeyece\u011fimi kadar diplerde. Bir bahane ar\u0131yorum, kendimi hakl\u0131 ve masum \u00e7\u0131kartacak. Havalar bozuk ondand\u0131r diyorum \u00f6nce, sonra hemen di\u011fer basmakal\u0131p bahane; \u00e7a\u011f de\u011fi\u015fti yavrum olur b\u00f6yle\u2026Bende bir sorun olmas\u0131 m\u0131? Ne m\u00fcnasebet (!). Ama yok biliyorum, g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum ve maalesef anl\u0131yorum. Derinlerimde bir yerde bir \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma var, hissediyorum ama anlamak istemiyorum. Karar bu, bir de\u011fi\u015fir bir geli\u015fir diye f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yorum kendime ama biliyorum. Ters giden bir \u015feyler var, nedeni yok ama avaz\u0131m \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar ba\u011f\u0131rmak istiyorum ve bir daha hi\u00e7 a\u011flayamayacak kadar a\u011flamak ve, <\/span><\/i>ve<\/i> bir de b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131 yakarak gitmek istiyorum. Kimden ya da nereden diye sorma bana, senden derim k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131rs\u0131n ve ben seni toplamaktan yoruldum.<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n

G\u00f6zlerimi e-posta ile gelen oyunun senaryosundan kald\u0131r\u0131p etraf\u0131ma bakt\u0131m. Rol\u00fcm\u00fcn i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu bu kasvet adeta ruhuma i\u015flemi\u015fti, oyun daha ba\u015flamadan. Metne \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131md\u0131 ama i\u00e7imde anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir huzursuzluk vard\u0131, san\u0131r\u0131m rol\u00fcm\u00fcn ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 ifadeleri beni bir belirsizli\u011fin i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekmi\u015fti. Derin bir merak i\u00e7indeydim. Bu karaktere ne olacakt\u0131? Kimi toplamaktan yorulmu\u015ftu, sevgiliyi mi, ili\u015fkiyi mi yoksa kendini mi? Neden \u00f6nce gitmek fiiliyle nereden ifadesini kullanmam\u0131\u015f, kimden demi\u015fti, kim neyiydi ki birinden gitmek bir yerden gitmek gibi hissettiriyordu.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Gelen mesaj d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimden s\u0131yr\u0131lmama yol a\u00e7t\u0131: \u201cSelam Pelin, \u00c7i\u011fdem mailden yeni oyunun senaryosunu atm\u0131\u015f, okudun mu? Senin oynayaca\u011f\u0131n karakterin repliklerine \u00e7ok \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m, fazla m\u0131 kasvetli bir senaryo olmu\u015f bu? \u00c7i\u011fdem\u2019le bir konu\u015fsak m\u0131, senin de role girmenle olduk\u00e7a h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir hikaye bizi bekliyor gibi duruyor. Sen ne dersin?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Mesaja o kadar sevindim ki, anlatamam. H\u00fcz\u00fcn do\u011fal bir duyguydu biliyorum ama bu duyguyu yaymay\u0131 hi\u00e7 sevmiyordum. \u00c7i\u011fdem\u2019in e\u015fsiz bir eser ortaya koydu\u011fundan hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphem yoktu ama bazen biz oyuncular\u0131n da oynayaca\u011f\u0131 rol\u00fc se\u00e7me hakk\u0131 olmal\u0131 diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. Bir kahkaha att\u0131m istemsizce, nas\u0131l da sahiplenmi\u015ftim oyunculu\u011fu; daha oynayaca\u011f\u0131m ikinci oyundu ve amat\u00f6r bir tiyatro ekibiydi sadece.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Ah Pelin, daha yolun ba\u015f\u0131ndayken biraz yava\u015f m\u0131 ilerlesen, diye m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131m. Durdum ve hemen uyard\u0131m kendimi; bir duru\u015funun olmas\u0131 i\u00e7in g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir isme ya da pozisyona ihtiyac\u0131n yok. Yaymak istedi\u011fin g\u00fczelliklerin ve engellemek istedi\u011fin h\u00fcz\u00fcnlerin varsa rol\u00fc ba\u015fkas\u0131na devredebilir ya da senaryoda de\u011fi\u015fiklik isteyebilirsin. Hem Nehir\u2019in mesaj\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcn, bu duygu sadece sende yok.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

-B\u0131kt\u0131m biliyor musun, bir \u015feyi kabul etmen i\u00e7in bir destek arama sevdandan, kendi kendine yetemedi\u011fine inanmandan. Bir rol\u00fc de\u011fi\u015ftirmekten bahsediyorsun, hayattaki rol\u00fcnde en ufak bir noktay\u0131 bile de\u011fi\u015ftiremeden.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

-Sus, sus diyorum sana, ele\u015ftirmeyi b\u0131rak beni. Konu\u015fma. Sus. G\u00f6rm\u00fcyor musun hayat\u0131m\u0131n kontrol\u00fc ellerimde, istedi\u011fim yerdeyim. Susacaks\u0131n ve beni h\u0131rpalamaktan vazge\u00e7eceksin. (Sessizlik)\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Salona koca bir alk\u0131\u015f dalgas\u0131 hakimdi. Aylarca \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m rol\u00fcn hakk\u0131n\u0131 verdi\u011fimin bir i\u015faretiydi bu kopan alk\u0131\u015f tufan\u0131. G\u00f6zlerimden akan gurur g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na h\u00e2kim olam\u0131yordum, \u00e7ok emek vermi\u015ftim. Pelin\u2019i anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma yolculu\u011funda \u00e7ok gece uykusuz kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, onu do\u011fru yans\u0131tamamaktan korkmu\u015ftum. Oysa \u015fimdi bitmi\u015fti ya da belki de yeni ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kim bilir?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yazar: \u0130rem Toky\u00fcrek<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/tr.pinterest.com\/pin\/1548181158069541\/<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ve bir de b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131 yakarak gitmek istiyorum. Kimden ya da nereden diye sorma bana, senden derim k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131rs\u0131n ve ben seni toplamaktan yoruldum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":5234,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1,3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nSahnelenen Hayat | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/sahnelenen-hayat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sahnelenen Hayat | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta 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