{"id":5207,"date":"2024-05-29T10:33:08","date_gmt":"2024-05-29T07:33:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5207"},"modified":"2024-05-27T21:34:47","modified_gmt":"2024-05-27T18:34:47","slug":"yolculuk-nereye","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/yolculuk-nereye","title":{"rendered":"Yolculuk Nereye"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Gecenin serinli\u011fi yay\u0131lsa da etrafa, \u00fc\u015f\u00fcmek iyi geliyormu\u015f gibi ceketlerimizi almadan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131k d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya. Buna ra\u011fmen s\u0131cak kahvenin i\u00e7imizi \u0131s\u0131tmas\u0131n\u0131 bekliyorduk umars\u0131zca. Geleli yakla\u015f\u0131k yar\u0131m saati bulmu\u015ftu fakat halen ne kar\u015f\u0131mdaki ne de ben tek kelime etmemi\u015ftik. \u0130stesem bir konu\u015fma ba\u015flatabilirdim ama onun lafa girmesini bekliyordum. Kelimeleri zihninde toparlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n fark\u0131ndayd\u0131m. Yine de buraya gelene kadar toparlamas\u0131 gerekmez miydi?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGitmek istiyorum.\u201d dedi. Anla\u015f\u0131lan s\u00f6yleyecekleri diline ula\u015fabilmi\u015fti. \u201c\u00c7ok uzaklara gitmek hem de.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Daha \u00f6nceleri de gitmek istedi\u011fi \u00e7ok olurdu, onu bildi\u011fimden beri bir yerde duramazd\u0131 zaten. Evini de\u011fi\u015ftirirdi, \u00e7evresini de\u011fi\u015ftirirdi, \u015fehrini de\u011fi\u015ftirirdi\u2026 Duvarlar\u0131n i\u00e7inde rahat edemez, s\u00fcrekli d\u0131\u015far\u0131da olmak isterdi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNereye gitmek istiyorsun mesela?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7ti\u011fi kahvenin kupas\u0131nda parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 gezdiriyordu sakince. Geceye yakla\u015fan saatlerde kahve i\u00e7mek isteyip istemedi\u011fimi sormak i\u00e7in arad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda konu\u015fmaya ihtiyac\u0131 oldu\u011funu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Son g\u00fcnlerde fazla suskundu, hepimiz merak ediyorduk bu hallerinin alt\u0131nda yatan sebebi fakat kimseye anlatm\u0131yordu bir \u015fey. Ya da anlatam\u0131yordu. A\u011fz\u0131ndan kelimeleri c\u0131mb\u0131zla alabiliyorken, sonunda bana kendisini a\u00e7maya haz\u0131r olmas\u0131na heyecanlanm\u0131\u015f ve k\u0131sa s\u00fcrede kabul etmi\u015ftim teklifini.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKayboldu\u011fumu hissediyorum.\u201d dedi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBu y\u00fczden mi gitmek istiyorsun?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEvet\u2026 Korkuyorum kaybolmaktan. Y\u0131llard\u0131r i\u00e7inde oldu\u011fum hayatta kaybolmak sanki kendi hayat\u0131mda bir yabanc\u0131ym\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi hissettiriyor. Y\u0131llard\u0131r tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m t\u00fcm o yan\u0131mdaki insanlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda yabanc\u0131 hissetmek zor geliyor. Daha \u00f6nce g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim yabanc\u0131lar\u0131n aras\u0131nda yabanc\u0131 hissetmek daha az ac\u0131t\u0131r belki de.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAma yine yabanc\u0131 olacaks\u0131n. Kay\u0131p hissetmeyecek misin b\u00f6yle?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Duraklad\u0131 parmaklar\u0131, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p bana \u00e7evirmi\u015fti. Hayata bu kadar yabanc\u0131 hissederken bir tan\u0131d\u0131k el ar\u0131yordu belki, kalmak i\u00e7in bir sebep ar\u0131yordu. Bu sebebi bende bulaca\u011f\u0131na dair umudu, ona daha da ba\u011flanmam\u0131 sa\u011flad\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYola \u00e7\u0131kan, kaybolmay\u0131 da g\u00f6ze almal\u0131.\u201d dedi. \u015ea\u015f\u0131rtmad\u0131 bunu s\u00f6ylemesi, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yolculuklar\u0131 severdi. S\u00fcrekli ilerlemeyi; nereye gidece\u011fini bilmeden, yolda ne g\u00f6rece\u011fini bilmeden ilerlemeyi ve vard\u0131\u011f\u0131 hi\u00e7bir noktaya ait hissetmezken yolun ta kendisine ait hissetmeyi severdi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAma kaybolmaktan korktu\u011funu s\u00f6yledin.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYolun kendisinde de\u011fil, vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m noktada kaybolma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi korkutuyor beni. Ben bir \u015feylere ula\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 zannederken asl\u0131nda yaln\u0131zca bir bo\u015flu\u011fun i\u00e7inde oldu\u011fumu fark ettim. \u00d6yle kayboldum ki ne hayal kald\u0131 ortada ne de hedef. Unuttum niye burada oldu\u011fumu, neden hayatta oldu\u011fumu\u2026\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Devam\u0131n\u0131 getirecekmi\u015f\u00e7esine duraksamas\u0131na sesimi \u00e7\u0131karmad\u0131m, p\u00fcr dikkat kulak vermeye devam ettim dediklerine. G\u00f6zlerini ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131, ellerini kahve kupas\u0131ndan uzakla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131. \u201cSanki bana kollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7an yeg\u00e2ne varl\u0131k kara toprak gibi. Ve bu yaln\u0131zl\u0131k hissi ona do\u011fru ko\u015fmam i\u00e7in daha da itekliyor beni. Korkuyorum, \u00e7ok korkuyorum hem de.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Tela\u015flansam da s\u00f6ylediklerine belli etmemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak ellerimi s\u0131kt\u0131m, ne demem gerekti\u011fini bilemedim bir an. Yolda olmak huzur veriyordu ona. Fakat varmak da bir o kadar i\u00e7inden huzuru \u00e7ekip al\u0131yordu. Onun \u00f6l\u00fcmle burun buruna oldu\u011fu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi beni de korkutuyordu.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHedefine vard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nereden biliyorsun?\u201d dedim yolculu\u011funun hen\u00fcz bitmedi\u011fini hat\u0131rlatmak istercesine. \u201cDaha \u00f6n\u00fcnde \u00e7ok uzun bir yol var.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorun da bu. Yolday\u0131m ama bilmiyorum nereye gitti\u011fimi. Ucu karanl\u0131ktan ibaret ve o karanl\u0131k bulut oldu\u011fum yere do\u011fru geliyor yava\u015f yava\u015f. \u00d6n\u00fcmde yol g\u00f6rememek sona yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeme neden oluyor.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cG\u00f6rememen, olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelmez. Bir fenere ihtiyac\u0131n var yaln\u0131zca o karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmak i\u00e7in. Belki sonunda ne oldu\u011funu g\u00f6stermeyecek o fener, ama yine de sonunda ne oldu\u011funu bilmedi\u011fin bir yoldan neden korkas\u0131n ki?\u201d \u00d6zenle se\u00e7meye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum kelimelerimi. \u201c<\/strong><\/span>E\u011fer mutluluk varsa yolun sonunda, o yolun bir an \u00f6nce bitmesini istersin. E\u011fer vah\u015fetle doluysa ucu, yolu ilerlemekten korkars\u0131n. Ama sen bilmiyorsun ne oldu\u011funu. Bu y\u00fczden tek yapman gereken yolun sonundaki belirsizli\u011fe cesurca ilerlemek. \u0130\u015fte o vakit, insana kollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7an yeg\u00e2ne \u015fey t\u00fcm o yabanc\u0131lardan ve \u00f6l\u00fcmden ziyade, yaln\u0131zca uzun bir yolculuk oluyor.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sessizlikle dinledi beni, ellerini yeniden s\u0131cak kupayla bulu\u015fturdu. Zihninin i\u00e7inde nelerin ge\u00e7ti\u011fini bilmemek beni endi\u015felendirse de, y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyi g\u00f6rmek kalbime \u00e7\u00f6ken a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n kalkmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTe\u015fekk\u00fcr ederim\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Kahvelerimizi bitirip kalkt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda evine gitmek yerine birka\u00e7 saat d\u0131\u015far\u0131da y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi se\u00e7mi\u015fti. Gitmek istiyordu, \u00e7ok uzaklara gitmek\u2026 Bu istek her daim olacakt\u0131 i\u00e7inde. Hi\u00e7bir yere s\u0131\u011famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yol bitmiyordu. \u0130nsan ilerlemeye devam ettik\u00e7e de bitmeyecekti. \u00d6nemli olan ilerlemekmi\u015f, yine de yola \u00e7\u0131kan ki\u015fi kaybolmay\u0131 da g\u00f6ze almal\u0131ym\u0131\u015f.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ve her ne kadar kaybolsa da ilerlemeye devam edenin as\u0131l amac\u0131 yolun ta kendisi olurmu\u015f.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: Beyza Dilara Me\u015feci<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: <\/span>https:\/\/pin.it\/6uC4p8zAg<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cE\u011fer mutluluk varsa yolun sonunda, o yolun bir an \u00f6nce bitmesini istersin. E\u011fer vah\u015fetle doluysa ucu, yolu ilerlemekten korkars\u0131n. Ama sen bilmiyorsun ne oldu\u011funu. Bu y\u00fczden tek yapman gereken yolun sonundaki belirsizli\u011fe cesurca ilerlemek. \u0130\u015fte o vakit, insana kollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7an yeg\u00e2ne \u015fey t\u00fcm o yabanc\u0131lardan ve \u00f6l\u00fcmden ziyade, yaln\u0131zca uzun bir yolculuk oluyor.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":5208,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1,3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nYolculuk Nereye | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/yolculuk-nereye\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" 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