{"id":5145,"date":"2024-04-25T10:30:20","date_gmt":"2024-04-25T07:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5145"},"modified":"2024-04-24T13:50:39","modified_gmt":"2024-04-24T10:50:39","slug":"geceyi-bolen-adam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/geceyi-bolen-adam","title":{"rendered":"Geceyi B\u00f6len Adam"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 4 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Do\u011fan\u0131n heybeti kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n manas\u0131n\u0131 kavrayan onlarca insandan biriydi sadece. Hafta sonlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6zellikle de pazar g\u00fcnlerini do\u011faya ay\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131. Toprak ve topra\u011fa dair her \u015fey en b\u00fcy\u00fck hobisi halini alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, topra\u011f\u0131n ondan ald\u0131klar\u0131na duydu\u011fu \u00f6zleme yenik d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden beri. Toprakla u\u011fra\u015fmak sadece ruhunu rahatlatmam\u0131\u015f ayn\u0131 zamanda canland\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 da. Verdi\u011fi emek ve ilgi kadar verim ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fck\u00e7e hayat\u0131ndaki insanlara yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti. Topra\u011f\u0131 saran zehirli otlar\u0131 nas\u0131l ki hasad\u0131n kalitesi ve topra\u011f\u0131n sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in temizlemek gerekiyorsa hayat\u0131ndaki onu zehirleyen insanlar\u0131 da \u00f6yle temizliyordu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hayat\u0131ndan insan \u00e7\u0131karman\u0131n yetmeyece\u011fini de biliyordu \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc herkes bu yolu se\u00e7iyor kendine iyi gelmeyen insanlar\u0131 hayat\u0131ndan uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yordu ama iki noktaya bakmay\u0131 devaml\u0131 unutuyorlard\u0131: ilki ya ki\u015finin kendi zehirli birine d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fse ya da ki\u015finin kendi sadece kendi i\u00e7in zehirli birine d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fse\u2026Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 su\u00e7laman\u0131n ve hayat\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131karman\u0131n bu ihtimallerin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bile kabul etmekten daha kolay oldu\u011funu biliyordu ama o hi\u00e7bir zaman kolay olan\u0131 sevmezdi. G\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6remeden ger\u00e7ekle\u015fen her \u015feyi tam olmam\u0131\u015f say\u0131yordu, bir \u015feyin tam olmas\u0131 i\u00e7in zorlanmal\u0131, zorlan\u0131rken geli\u015fmeli ve geli\u015ftik\u00e7e b\u00fcy\u00fcmeliydi. Aksi, sadece somut bir \u015feylerin de\u011fi\u015fimiydi ve o, soyut de\u011fi\u015fip geli\u015fmedik\u00e7e somutun k\u0131ymetinin bilinmeyece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnenlerdendi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yine b\u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bir pazar sabah\u0131, g\u00fcn\u00fc planlamaya koyuldu: <\/span>istik\u00e2met<\/i><\/b>: orman, <\/span><\/i>\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn<\/i><\/b>: k\u00f6zde patates, kapya biber, \u00e7ay ve sade T\u00fcrk kahvesi, <\/span><\/i>hedef<\/i><\/b>: da\u011f\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kabilece\u011fi en zirve konuma kadar \u00e7\u0131kmak, ho\u015funa giden yere a\u011fa\u00e7 dikmek, <\/span><\/i>dikilmesi hedeflenen a\u011fa\u00e7 say\u0131s\u0131<\/i><\/b>: 1, <\/span><\/i>g\u00fcncel saat<\/i><\/b>: 06.33, <\/span><\/i>planlanan da\u011fdan ayr\u0131l\u0131\u015f saati<\/i><\/b>: 18.00.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Oyalanmadan haz\u0131rland\u0131 ve arabaya atlad\u0131. \u015eehir merkezinde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in t\u0131rmanaca\u011fa da\u011fa yak\u0131n bir yere gelmesi bile neredeyse bir bu\u00e7uk saati bulmu\u015ftu. Neyse ki cumartesi ak\u015fam\u0131 dikece\u011fi a\u011fac\u0131 alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Pratik, planl\u0131, sade ve basit ya\u015famay\u0131 \u00e7ok seviyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00fcne\u015fli bir nisan ay\u0131n\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn canl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131, ye\u015filli\u011fi ve ferahl\u0131\u011f\u0131 da\u011f\u0131 kaplam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Oysa ayn\u0131 bahar, \u015fehir merkezinde bu kadar hakimiyet kurmuyor, kuram\u0131yordu. Ne b\u00fcy\u00fck tezatl\u0131k diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc, sonsuz g\u00fczellikteki do\u011fay\u0131 betonarme y\u0131\u011f\u0131nlar\u0131yla kapl\u0131yor sonra da ka\u00e7acak yer ar\u0131yordu insan. Ah biz insanlar diye s\u00f6ylenerek bahar\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fczelli\u011fini i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekti. S\u0131rt \u00e7antas\u0131 ve a\u011fac\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 olmasa hi\u00e7 durmadan zirveye \u00e7\u0131kacak enerjiyle dolup ta\u015f\u0131yordu ruhu ama y\u00fck\u00fc onu yava\u015flat\u0131yor ve yoruyordu. Yine de a\u011fac\u0131 \u00f6yle alelade bir yere dikmek istemedi, ilerlemeye devam etti. Y\u00fcksekli\u011fi yerden uzakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a; \u015fehrin kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve sahte heybeti zay\u0131fl\u0131yor, ruhu daha da hafifle\u015fiyordu. <\/span>. Art\u0131k binalar\u0131n sadece \u00e7at\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnecek kadar yerden y\u00fcksekteydi ve a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fcmesi i\u00e7in bu manzaray\u0131 uygun buldu. Sanki, d\u00fcnyaya hi\u00e7 bina kavram\u0131 u\u011framam\u0131\u015f ve o nokta s\u0131f\u0131r noktas\u0131ym\u0131\u015f gibi varsaymak istedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ekti\u011fi onlarca a\u011faca bir yenisini daha ekleyerek do\u011faya olan borcunu \u00f6dedi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmenin mutlulu\u011fuyla rahatlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye devam etmi\u015fti ta ki zirve say\u0131labilecek kadar g\u00fczel manzaral\u0131, yemye\u015fil ve e\u015fsiz \u0131hlamur kokusu yay\u0131lan bir yeri bulana kadar. Karn\u0131n\u0131 doyurman\u0131n, dinlenmeni tam yeri diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Buldu\u011fu iri ta\u015flardan kendine yetecek kadar bir ocak yapt\u0131 ve ate\u015f yakt\u0131.Yeme\u011fi k\u00f6z\u00fcn \u00fczerinde pi\u015ferken u\u00e7uruma yak\u0131n yerde ko\u011fu\u015flanan onlarca kayan\u0131n birine minderini serdi. Pi\u015fen yiyeceklerini yeme\u011fe koyuldu. Birden oturdu\u011fu ta\u015f\u0131n hareket etti\u011fini hissetti ve h\u0131zla yerinden kalkt\u0131. Kalkmas\u0131yla ta\u015f\u0131n yuvarlanmas\u0131 bir oldu. Yuvarlanan ta\u015fa ve ard\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 toza bakarken ta\u015f\u0131n olu\u015fturdu\u011fu bo\u015flukta, ah\u015fap bir \u015fey oldu\u011funu fark etti. E\u011filerek bakmak istedi ama ne oldu\u011funu anlayam\u0131yordu, daha a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki bir ta\u015f\u0131n \u00fczerine indi; onun da a\u015fa\u011f\u0131s\u0131 u\u00e7urumdu. Bu ta\u015f\u0131n da d\u00fc\u015fmesi demek ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n son bulmas\u0131 demekti, ama e\u011fer duydu\u011fu merak i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmazsa bug\u00fcn\u00fc hep pi\u015fmanl\u0131kla hat\u0131rlayacakt\u0131. O kadar \u00e7ok pi\u015fmanl\u0131k biriktirmi\u015fti ki hayat\u0131nda, yenisini eklemeye niyeti yoktu. Artan adrenalin ve merak duygusuyla tahtan\u0131n \u00fczerindeki toprak ve tozlar\u0131 temizledi. Bir tahtadan ziyade bir sand\u0131\u011fa benziyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Burada u\u00e7urumun hemen yan\u0131nda bir sand\u0131\u011f\u0131n ne i\u015fi olabilirdi ki?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sand\u0131\u011f\u0131n kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fckle kald\u0131rd\u0131, i\u00e7inde bir kitap ve kapakl\u0131 bir kolye vard\u0131. Onlar\u0131 ald\u0131 ve daha g\u00fcvenli bir alana ge\u00e7ti, kitap Peyami Safa\u2019dand\u0131 hem de en sevdi\u011finden: \u201cYaln\u0131z\u0131z\u201d. Ne de \u00e7ok severdi gen\u00e7li\u011finde Peyami Safa\u2019y\u0131 ve bu kitab\u0131\u2026 Ka\u00e7 kez okumu\u015f ka\u00e7 kez farkl\u0131 bir son istemi\u015fti. Kitab\u0131n sayfalar\u0131n\u0131 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131 ve i\u00e7inde bir not \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBu not kar\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131ysa ebedi yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m bitti demektir. Kimsin, nesin, neredensin, neler ya\u015fad\u0131n bilmiyorum. Kolyeyi a\u00e7, kolyeden \u00f6nce mavi tozlar \u00e7\u0131kacak sonras\u0131nda boynuna tak. E\u011fer ge\u00e7mi\u015finde \u00e7ok \u00f6zledi\u011fin zamanlar\u0131n varsa her gece, ay bir perde gibi aralanacak ve sen o \u00e2na gideceksin. Ya da e\u011fer gelmemi\u015f zamansa b\u00fct\u00fcn umudun, yine ay her gece sen kolyeye dokundu\u011funda bir perde gibi aralanacak ve sen gelece\u011fe gideceksin. Bu kolye benim lanetimdi, bulan\u0131nsa cenneti olacak. Yaln\u0131z bir se\u00e7me hakk\u0131n var ya kitab\u0131 al\u0131p kolyeyi topra\u011fa g\u00f6mecek ve b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fc bozacaks\u0131n ya da istedi\u011fin gece, ge\u00e7mi\u015f ve gelecek aras\u0131nda dola\u015facaks\u0131n. Se\u00e7im senin\u2026\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Bu da ne b\u00f6yle, d\u00fcnden de yar\u0131ndan da vazge\u00e7meyi ba\u015fard\u0131ktan sonra kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kan bu \u015fey de ne? Ben d\u00fcn\u00fcn ke\u015fkelerinden ve yar\u0131n\u0131n hayallerinden kurtulup \u2018bug\u00fcn\u2019\u00fc ya\u015fayamay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenebilmek i\u00e7in ne s\u0131navlar verdim oysa. \u015eimdi, kimden ve neden oldu\u011funu bilmedi\u011fim bir b\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcn ve pek \u00e7o\u011fu i\u00e7in \u2018g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u2019 tam kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nday\u0131m. Oysa ben \u015fu koca hayat\u0131mda ilk kez kendimi se\u00e7ti\u011fimde t\u00fcm bunlardan vazge\u00e7mi\u015ftim.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSen, bu b\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcn sahibi, ben seni ebedi yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan kurtar\u0131p huzura; kendimi ise bug\u00fcne teslim ediyorum. Kolyenin b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc bozup kitab\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131yorum. Bug\u00fcn\u00fc ya\u015famay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fimden beri, \u2018ya\u015famay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim\u2019. Ya\u015fam sadece ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u015fu an. Kitab\u0131n benimle g\u00fcvende olacak, kolyense topra\u011f\u0131n ba\u011fr\u0131nda. Geceyi perdelemek, zamanda dola\u015fabilmek g\u00fczel olabilirdi belki; ya\u015famay\u0131 bu kadar sevmeseydim e\u011fer\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: \u0130rem Toky\u00fcrek<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/tr.pinterest.com\/pin\/407786941237244399\/<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bazen izole olabilmeyi ba\u015farabilmek, hele de bunu do\u011fa arac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla yapabilmek yeniden do\u011fmak kadar bir ar\u0131nma sa\u011flayabiliyordu. Y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fck\u00e7e co\u015fuyor, co\u015ftuk\u00e7a y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc unutuyordu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":5146,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1,3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nGeceyi B\u00f6len Adam | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/geceyi-bolen-adam\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Geceyi B\u00f6len Adam | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta 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