{"id":5140,"date":"2024-04-09T10:11:45","date_gmt":"2024-04-09T07:11:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5140"},"modified":"2024-04-09T10:10:16","modified_gmt":"2024-04-09T07:10:16","slug":"kapiyi-aralamak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kapiyi-aralamak","title":{"rendered":"Kap\u0131y\u0131 Aralamak"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018\u2018R\u00fcyalar bilin\u00e7d\u0131\u015f\u0131na giden kral yoludur.\u2019\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Baz\u0131 geceler evimize birilerinin girmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Kim olduklar\u0131n\u0131 bilmiyorum, belki evden bir \u015fey \u00e7almak isteyen h\u0131rs\u0131zlar, belki de bana zarar vermek isteyen yabanc\u0131lar… Eve girmemeleri i\u00e7in s\u00fcrekli pencereleri kapat\u0131p perdeyi \u00e7ekiyorum ve kap\u0131lar\u0131 kilitlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. Fakat ne kadar \u00f6nlem alsam da hep ya bir cam a\u00e7\u0131k kal\u0131yor ya \u00e7ekti\u011fim perde i\u00e7eriyi g\u00f6steriyor ya da kap\u0131 tam olarak kilitlenmemi\u015f oluyor. \u0130\u015fte yine geldiler, uyumam\u0131 bekliyorlar. \u00d6nce evde yokmu\u015f gibi saklan\u0131yorum. Sonra a\u00e7\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015f bir kap\u0131y\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum, girebilecekleri o a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kapatmaya do\u011fru h\u0131zla ko\u015fuyorum. Eve girmelerinden \u00e7ok korkuyorum, evde oldu\u011fumu fark etmelerinden de… Kap\u0131ya yakla\u015f\u0131yorlar, bazen de balkona t\u0131rmand\u0131klar\u0131 oluyor, sonra kap\u0131lar\u0131 zorlamaya ba\u015fl\u0131yorlar. Kap\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131na ge\u00e7ip i\u00e7eri girmelerine engel olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. Neden geldiler, ne istiyorlar? Anlam\u0131yorum. Hem evde \u00e7al\u0131nmaya de\u011fer bir \u015fey de yok ki. Hatta son derece s\u0131radan ve s\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 buluyorum, eve de bu sebeple kimseyi pek davet etmiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bazen de, ba\u015fka gecelerde, kendimi onun evinde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum, evinin i\u00e7i nas\u0131l hep merak ediyorum. Bazen onun bize geldi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Nas\u0131l ve neden gelmi\u015f, bilmiyorum. Ama onu evimizde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm i\u00e7in \u00e7ok mutlu oluyorum. \u0130\u00e7eriye girmi\u015f olmas\u0131 beni tedirgin ediyor olsa da h\u00e2l\u00e2 terk etmemi\u015f olmas\u0131ndan huzur buluyorum. Sanki biraz daha bana yak\u0131nla\u015fm\u0131\u015f hissediyorum. \u00d6yle olunca hi\u00e7 uyanmak istemiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

D\u0131\u015far\u0131dan g\u00f6r\u00fcnenin i\u00e7eriye girildi\u011finde bozulacak olmas\u0131ndan hep endi\u015fe ediyorum. \u00d6yle ki i\u00e7eri girenle olas\u0131 bir yak\u0131nla\u015fma ihtimalini i\u00e7erde yaln\u0131z kalmaya ve yaln\u0131zca penceremden izlemeye tercih ediyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

T\u00fcm bunlar\u0131n birbiriyle olan alakas\u0131 \u00fczerine evde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Evin i\u00e7i da\u011f\u0131n\u0131k, e\u015fyalar eski, i\u00e7erde biraz rutubet kokusu hakim bir de y\u0131llar\u0131n yorgunlu\u011funu ta\u015f\u0131maktan s\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f duvar boyas\u0131. De\u011fi\u015fen hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok. Ama fark\u0131na var\u0131yorum, ev bana ait. Buras\u0131 benim evim. Beni b\u00fcy\u00fcten ve beni ben yapan ko\u015fullar bunlar. \u015eimdi kibarca \u00e7al\u0131nan bir kap\u0131 sesi i\u015fitiyorum yeniden. Kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131yorum, kar\u015f\u0131mda onu g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Kalbim h\u0131zla \u00e7arp\u0131yor, onu i\u00e7eri davet etmek istiyorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc art\u0131k bir \u015feyden eminim: <\/span>Almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6nlemlerle asl\u0131nda kar\u015f\u0131 koydu\u011fum ve beni aciz, utand\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f hissettiren t\u00fcm o duygulara kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7arsam hi\u00e7bir kitapta yazmayan bir hik\u00e2yeyi kendi ya\u015fam\u0131mda okuma f\u0131rsat\u0131 bulaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/strong><\/p>\n

*M\u00fczik \u00d6nerisi: No Clear Mind, Nuclear Mind<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: Aziz Akar<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Kapak G\u00f6rseli: Pinterest<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6nlemlerle asl\u0131nda kar\u015f\u0131 koydu\u011fum ve beni aciz, utand\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f hissettiren t\u00fcm o duygulara kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7arsam hi\u00e7bir kitapta yazmayan bir hik\u00e2yeyi kendi ya\u015fam\u0131mda okuma f\u0131rsat\u0131 bulaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":86,"featured_media":5141,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nKap\u0131y\u0131 Aralamak | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kapiyi-aralamak\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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