{"id":5035,"date":"2024-02-08T16:56:51","date_gmt":"2024-02-08T13:56:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5035"},"modified":"2024-02-04T22:54:27","modified_gmt":"2024-02-04T19:54:27","slug":"karanliktan-dogan-korkular-katil-olur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/karanliktan-dogan-korkular-katil-olur","title":{"rendered":"Sessizli\u011fe Mahkum Sevgi"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 4 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Susturulmu\u015f bir y\u00fcrek, haks\u0131z m\u0131d\u0131r kendisine sahip insana k\u00fcsmekte?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Karanl\u0131k \u00e7ok \u015fey gizlerdi. Gecenin y\u00fcre\u011fimize diktiklerini ve bizden al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcklerini ruhunuz duymazd\u0131 bazen. G\u00fcnd\u00fcz oldu\u011fu vakit ise g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hi\u00e7bir \u015fey geri gelmez, dikti\u011fi hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yerinden s\u00f6k\u00fclmezdi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Gece vaktiydi. Odas\u0131n\u0131n perdelerini kapatmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131 i\u00e7eriye vuruyordu. Onun ise o \u00e2nda ihtiyac\u0131 olan tek \u015fey zifiri karanl\u0131km\u0131\u015f gibi \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n ula\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir k\u00f6\u015feye oturmu\u015f, s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ah\u015fap baca\u011f\u0131na yaslam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Uzun bir s\u00fcredir dizlerini bedenine \u00e7ekmi\u015f halde orada oturmas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131n kilometrelerce ko\u015fmu\u015f gibi kalp at\u0131\u015flar\u0131 d\u00fczensizdi, sessizce derin nefesler alarak s\u0131k\u0131\u015fan kalbini dindirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Bir h\u00fcz\u00fcn vard\u0131 i\u00e7inde son zamanlarda. Y\u00fcre\u011finin kendisine k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden miydi yoksa kendisinin hayata kar\u015f\u0131 olan k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan dolay\u0131 m\u0131yd\u0131 bu buhran bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc anlayamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Karman \u00e7ormand\u0131 kafas\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7i.<\/span><\/p>\n

T\u00fcm duygular birbirine girdi\u011finde hangisini ne i\u00e7in hissetti\u011fini ay\u0131rt edemez hale gelmi\u015fti art\u0131k. Korkuyordu mesela, \u00e7ok korkuyordu hem de. Ama ge\u00e7mi\u015ften mi yoksa gelecekten mi, kendisinden mi yoksa insanlardan m\u0131 korktu\u011funu bilmiyordu. Umutla dolard\u0131 bazen, inan\u0131rd\u0131 hayat\u0131n ak\u0131\u015f\u0131nda mutlulu\u011fun sakl\u0131 oldu\u011fu o yoldan ge\u00e7ebilece\u011fine. Fakat bu inanc\u0131n\u0131n s\u0131rt\u0131na ne zaman keskin bir b\u0131\u00e7ak saplanaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kestiremiyordu. Bilinmezliklerle dolu bu zihnine duygular\u0131yla terc\u00fcman olmak istese de onlara ket vurmu\u015ftu \u00e7oktan, yaln\u0131z kalmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u00fcddet\u00e7e hi\u00e7biri tek kelime edemiyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSenin topraklar\u0131n y\u00fcre\u011finin suskunlu\u011fundan dolay\u0131 kupkuru kald\u0131.\u201d dedi kendi kendine.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7ok seviyordu mesela, akl\u0131n\u0131 bir kenara b\u0131rakarak hareket edecek kadar \u00e7ok hem de. Ama ge\u00e7mi\u015fin kaz\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 o korkular, kalbini sar\u0131p sarmalam\u0131\u015f sevgiyi bast\u0131r\u0131yor ve dilini suspus ediyordu sevdi\u011fi insan kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda. Sevgi \u00e7i\u00e7ek a\u00e7t\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131 kuruyan topraklar\u0131nda, biliyordu. Fakat hayat o kadar caniydi ki onun g\u00f6z\u00fcnde, y\u00fcre\u011fi konu\u015ftu\u011funda bunu duyan herkes, sevgiyi besledi\u011fi ki\u015fi bile, \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri k\u00f6klerinden s\u00f6k\u00fcp atabilirdi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSen her konu\u015ftu\u011funda o topraklar\u0131n alt\u0131na can bulmu\u015f sevgilerin cesetleri g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc.\u201d dedi bu sefer y\u00fcre\u011fine ithafen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAma o cesetlerin katili senin korkular\u0131n.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Bug\u00fcn bir veda ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131, hi\u00e7 de \u00f6yle hazzetmez de\u011fildi vedalardan. \u0130nsanlarla aras\u0131na bir s\u00fcreli\u011fine kilometrelerin girmesinden \u00e7ok da rahats\u0131z olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bu zamana kadar fakat bu seferki ba\u015fkayd\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Di\u011fer t\u00fcm duygular\u0131n\u0131 yans\u0131tmas\u0131na ket vurmu\u015f; t\u00fcm g\u00fczel s\u00f6zlerin, kavu\u015fmalar\u0131n, umutlar\u0131n katili olmu\u015f korkuyu y\u00fcre\u011fine gecenin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kalan bir ge\u00e7mi\u015f dikmi\u015fti. O ise her daim, korkunun y\u00fcre\u011fine hen\u00fcz yer edinmedi\u011fi \u00e7ocuklu\u011funa d\u00f6nmek isterdi.<\/strong> Duygular\u0131 yeni deneyimleyen o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocu\u011fa\u2026 Bug\u00fcn, kendisini ilk defa sevgiyi tadan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocuk gibi hissettiren ki\u015fiyle vedala\u015fmak zorunda kald\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Onunla tan\u0131\u015fmadan \u00f6nce d\u00f6rt bucak ka\u00e7ard\u0131 o \u00e2n neredeyse ve yan\u0131nda kim varsa. \u0130\u00e7ine hapsoldu\u011fu yabanc\u0131l\u0131k hissiyat\u0131ndan ka\u00e7ard\u0131 en \u00e7ok da. Fakat yaln\u0131zca onunlayken ka\u00e7mak istemedi. Yaln\u0131zca onunlayken d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini g\u00fcvende hissetti, zaman dursun istedi. Dursun ve bu aitlik hissi ondan hi\u00e7bir zaman uzakla\u015fmas\u0131n. Onun oldu\u011fu yere her yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda heyecanlan\u0131yor, onu g\u00f6rme ihtimali d\u00e2hi olsa kalbinin att\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu. Ne zaman mutlu olsa, yan\u0131nda o da olsun istiyordu. Onunla konu\u015fmak o kadar iyi geliyordu ki\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sevgi miydi bu?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNeden ona s\u00f6ylemedin peki bunlar\u0131? Neden onu sevdi\u011fini s\u00f6ylemedin? Gitmezdi belki o zaman, seninle kal\u0131rd\u0131.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Kendisine bile zor itiraf ediyorken, korkular\u0131 nas\u0131l izin verirdi ki bunlar\u0131 ona s\u00f6ylemesine?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHay\u0131r, giderdi.\u201d dedi susturulmu\u015f y\u00fcre\u011finin dile gelmesinden rahats\u0131zl\u0131k duyarak. \u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc benim aksime o, gitti\u011fi yerde mutlu olacakt\u0131. Gitmesini istemedi\u011fimi s\u00f6yleyecek kadar bencil olamazd\u0131m ona.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSen de s\u00f6yleyemeyecek kadar korkak olmay\u0131 se\u00e7tin, \u00f6yle mi?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOnu burada tutan hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktu, ben dilersem t\u00fcm sevgimi d\u00f6keyim ortaya, yine de giderdi. O gitti\u2026 Gitti ve art\u0131k beni de burada tutacak hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kalmad\u0131.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNe yapacaks\u0131n o halde?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ona veda etti\u011fi \u00e2n yeniden d\u00fcnyada ya\u015fayan bir yabanc\u0131ya d\u00f6n\u00fcverdi. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fte var olan karanl\u0131k gelece\u011fin \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekti ve art\u0131k ne ge\u00e7mi\u015f karanl\u0131ktan kurtuldu ne de gelecek ayd\u0131nland\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBilmiyorum.\u201d dedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Korkular\u0131ndan kurtulmak ve duygular\u0131n\u0131 konu\u015fturabilmek ad\u0131na ge\u00e7mi\u015fini silmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131 s\u00fcrekli fakat ge\u00e7mi\u015ften ziyade karanl\u0131kt\u0131 korular\u0131n do\u011fdu\u011fu yer. Ve karanl\u0131k d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131n\u0131 sard\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcrece onlardan asla kurtulamayacakt\u0131. Yine de sildi, art\u0131k ortada ge\u00e7mi\u015f denen bir \u015fey kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fi kalmayan insan ise \u00f6n\u00fcne uzanan o karanl\u0131k yolda nereye gidece\u011fini asla bulamazd\u0131. Dizlerini daha \u00e7ok \u00e7ekti kendisine, kollar\u0131n\u0131 karn\u0131nda birle\u015ftirip bedenini k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcltmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131 olabildi\u011fince.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKayboldum.\u201d dedi yeniden kendisini karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde bularak. \u201cKayboldum\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u011fer o y\u00fcrek her konu\u015ftu\u011funda insan\u0131n ruhunu par\u00e7al\u0131yorsa, haks\u0131z m\u0131d\u0131r insan onu susturmakta?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Yazar: Beyza Dilara Me\u015feci<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rselin Kayna\u011f\u0131: https:\/\/tr.pinterest.com\/pin\/330240585192946510\/\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Di\u011fer t\u00fcm duygular\u0131n\u0131 yans\u0131tmas\u0131na ket vurmu\u015f; t\u00fcm g\u00fczel s\u00f6zlerin, kavu\u015fmalar\u0131n, umutlar\u0131n katili olmu\u015f korkuyu y\u00fcre\u011fine gecenin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kalan bir ge\u00e7mi\u015f dikmi\u015fti. O ise her daim, korkunun y\u00fcre\u011fine hen\u00fcz yer edinmedi\u011fi \u00e7ocuklu\u011funa d\u00f6nmek isterdi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":5036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nSessizli\u011fe Mahkum Sevgi | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/karanliktan-dogan-korkular-katil-olur\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sessizli\u011fe Mahkum Sevgi | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji 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