{"id":4994,"date":"2024-01-09T21:15:03","date_gmt":"2024-01-09T18:15:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=4994"},"modified":"2024-01-09T21:14:25","modified_gmt":"2024-01-09T18:14:25","slug":"gecen-seneler-olsun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/gecen-seneler-olsun","title":{"rendered":"Ge\u00e7en Seneler Olsun"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Uzun s\u00fcredir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen bir adam\u0131n hikayesi bu dostlar\u0131m. Virg\u00fclleri bol bir adam. S\u00f6yleyece\u011fi \u00e7ok \u015fey var da a\u011fz\u0131nda gevelemekten hi\u00e7 etmi\u015f onca laf\u0131n\u0131. Susmaktan konu\u015famaz olmu\u015f y\u0131llar y\u0131l\u0131. En ba\u015f\u0131ndan belirtmeliyim ki bu adam benim. Yani sizlere kendimi sunaca\u011f\u0131m. Kim oldu\u011fumu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimi, duygular\u0131m\u0131. Ama par\u00e7a par\u00e7a yapaca\u011f\u0131m bunu. Anlayamay\u0131n diye. \u0130nsan bazen anla\u015f\u0131lmamak ister, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi? Ve anlad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131z bana dair de\u011fil, size dair olacakt\u0131r buna eminim. Asl\u0131nda \u201c<\/span>Hepimiz birbirimizin ya\u015famlar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7atlak ve aral\u0131klar\u0131nda ya\u015far\u0131z; her \u015feyi g\u00f6rebilseydik san\u0131r\u0131m \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131ktan dilimiz tutulurdu\u2026<\/span><\/i>\u201d demi\u015f Murdoch. \u00c7atlaklar\u0131m sizin aynan\u0131z olacak, aral\u0131klar\u0131m size \u0131\u015f\u0131k tutacak. C\u00fcmlelerimin bo\u015fluklar\u0131nda kendinizi bulman\u0131z dile\u011fiyle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kulakl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m. Ayn\u0131 \u00e2nda tren tekrar harekete ge\u00e7ti. Zaten uzun s\u00fcredir hareket halindeydi. \u00d6nce oturdu\u011fum yerden do\u011fruldum ve yazmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hayatta kalmak ve ya\u015famak. Ama ger\u00e7ekten ya\u015famak. Bilemiyorum asl\u0131 nedir bu i\u015fin. Aksi nedir. Kast\u0131 nedir mesela bunca u\u011fra\u015f\u0131n. Ko\u015ftur ko\u015ftur. Kendini unutmak i\u00e7in. Bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na hat\u0131rlamamak. Nefes ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 unutmak ve sormak. Bedenim ve ruhum, arzular\u0131m ve kusurlar\u0131m neden varlar? Hepsi ben miyim bunlar\u0131n? G\u00fcne\u015f tepemde \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 vururken y\u00fcz\u00fcme ve kalabal\u0131k sokaklar\u0131mdan onlarca insan ge\u00e7erken; ben en g\u00fczel kelimelerimle ve en derin duygular\u0131mla \u015fiirler yazmak isterken, sadece ona. Bir g\u00f6lge ba\u015f\u0131nda ya da metro dura\u011f\u0131nda, uzun uzun \u00e7izikler at\u0131p o tozlu duvarlara bir iz b\u0131rakmak isterdim. Ve \u015fehrimin r\u00fczgarlar\u0131 f\u0131s\u0131ldas\u0131n isterdim. Kim o ? Ben miyim yoksa arad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ki\u015fi? Yine mi? Ka\u00e7 kez daha d\u00f6n\u00fcp dola\u015f\u0131p kendime gelece\u011fim. Bir ba\u015fkas\u0131 m\u0131 yoksa? Sa\u00e7lar\u0131na r\u00fczgar de\u011fiyor mu peki? G\u00fclerken g\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7ine bak\u0131yor mu? Sessizli\u011finde anl\u0131yor mu dalgalar\u0131n\u0131? Y\u00fcksek dalgalar\u0131n\u0131. Hala m\u0131 o ki\u015fi benim? Ben hala kendimi mi ar\u0131yorum yoksa? K\u00f6\u015fedeki telefon kul\u00fcbesinden gelen ses beni mi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor? Ya a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda sesimi duyamazsam ?\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131m. Hala trendeydim. Nas\u0131l bir r\u00fcyayd\u0131 bu b\u00f6yle? Yazd\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131ndan sonra uyuya kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m, tekrar oturdum ve uyudum. Uyudum, uyand\u0131m, uyudum, uyand\u0131m ve uzun s\u00fcre bekledim. Daha sonra yazmaya devam ettim.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Kelimelerimin son duraklar\u0131na geliyorum da inesim yok sanki. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim de ayn\u0131 yollardan ge\u00e7ip bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc inememi\u015f. Ufkuma yeni manzaralar katm\u0131\u015f\u0131m da mabedimde birikenler ayn\u0131 damlalarm\u0131\u015f.<\/i><\/strong> Kasvetimi eleklerimden ge\u00e7irdim, ince ince biledim de serpemedim havaya.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Zaman; bir \u00e7uvala y\u0131\u011f\u0131nla an\u0131 doldurup, eskicilere satmak ister gibi omuzlar\u0131mda. Ne kadar eder bunlar? Ka\u00e7a b\u0131rak\u0131rs\u0131n en son?\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm toprak \u00e7imlere benzemiyor hi\u00e7. Nas\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131 hissettiriyor bana. Yan\u0131mdan ge\u00e7en laleler. Konu\u015fmuyor bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc. Son koklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00e7i\u00e7ek, zihnimde bir polene hapsoldu.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Durdum, solukland\u0131m ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Polen mi? Ben bal yemem ki? Tekrar yazmaya devam ettim<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Arzular\u0131ma kefen giydiren bir ben. Yine benden \u00f6tede bir hayat ya\u015fat\u0131r m\u0131 birden? Bir bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcren, g\u00f6zleri kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015flar\u0131nda \u015fimdi. Ba\u015f\u0131n \u00f6ne e\u011filmesi g\u00f6\u011fse vuruyor belli. Kalemli\u011fimden birer birer d\u00fc\u015fen sayfalar unutturuyor her \u015feyi.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Ya\u015fam ve varl\u0131k. Tane tane ufalans\u0131n \u015fimdi. Yorgunlu\u011fum perdeyi aralay\u0131p pencereyi a\u00e7acak. G\u00fcn do\u011fdu ve geceden aya vuran \u0131\u015f\u0131klar, i\u00e7imi titreten bulutlar, r\u00fczgarlar\u0131 dizginleyen bak\u0131\u015flar. Birer birer kaybolur. Bir \u015fey olur ve her \u015fey unutulur. Ya\u015fam buna mecbur.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Ve perde kapan\u0131r, \u0131\u015f\u0131klar a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131r. \u0130zleyici \u015fok olmu\u015ftur. Aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m. Oyunumun bu kadar iyi olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemi\u015ftim. Daha sonra arkamdan birinin \u201c<\/span>Hayat\u0131n\u0131 sahne sahne kendine perdeliyorsun, oynayan da sensin, izleyici de!<\/span><\/i>\u2019 dedi\u011fini duydum. D\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde orada yoktu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: Burak Bay\u0131k<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/pin.it\/41oL5hl<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kelimelerimin son duraklar\u0131na geliyorum da inesim yok sanki. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim de ayn\u0131 yollardan ge\u00e7ip bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc inememi\u015f. Ufkuma yeni manzaralar katm\u0131\u015f\u0131m da mabedimde birikenler ayn\u0131 damlalarm\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":4995,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nGe\u00e7en Seneler Olsun | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/gecen-seneler-olsun\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ge\u00e7en Seneler Olsun | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" 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