{"id":4818,"date":"2023-10-12T19:51:11","date_gmt":"2023-10-12T16:51:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=4818"},"modified":"2023-10-12T19:50:09","modified_gmt":"2023-10-12T16:50:09","slug":"bugulu-gozlerin-ardi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/bugulu-gozlerin-ardi","title":{"rendered":"Bu\u011fulu G\u00f6zlerin Ard\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Y\u0131llar s\u00fcren uzun bir yolculuktayd\u0131 ruhum; yol da durak da \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f noktas\u0131 da var\u0131\u015f noktas\u0131 da bendim. Var\u0131\u015f noktas\u0131na varmak yola \u00e7\u0131kmaktan \u00e7ok daha me\u015fakkatli olmu\u015ftu ve yolda kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131m sona varmaktan beni bunca zaman al\u0131koymu\u015ftu. Ruhumun o a\u015f\u0131lmaz duvarlar\u0131n\u0131n koruyuculu\u011fuyla saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 gizleri bulmak, gizleri saklamaktan \u00e7ok daha zahmetli ve yaralay\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131. Yok sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131 onca ger\u00e7ek, var sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 onca yalan vard\u0131 ki bir aral\u0131k bu ill\u00fczyona kap\u0131l\u0131p kaybolaca\u011f\u0131m sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u0130nsan\u0131n en tehlikeli yolculu\u011fu kendi i\u00e7inde \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yolculukmu\u015f, var\u0131\u015f noktas\u0131na varabildi\u011fimde anlad\u0131m ancak bu hakikati. En me\u00e7hul sular Atlantik\u2019te de\u011fil, en dipsiz kaybolu\u015flar Bermuda \u00fc\u00e7geninde de\u011fil, hi\u00e7 de\u011fil, insan\u0131n kendi ruhundaym\u0131\u015f.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ka\u00e7 sefer karanl\u0131kta kald\u0131 g\u00f6zlerim, ne kadar savruldum hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Vazge\u00e7meyi diledi\u011fim, tekrar ruhumun duvarlar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fcvenli s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131na so\u011fuk bir gecede s\u0131cak bir yere k\u0131vr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kedi teslimiyetiyle s\u0131\u011f\u0131nmak istedi\u011fim <\/span>ka\u00e7<\/span> \u00e2n oldu, hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Her yolculuk; yolcuyu biraz yorar, biraz y\u0131prat\u0131rm\u0131\u015f. Ben, ne kadar yoruldu\u011fumu dahi an\u0131msam\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaferim b\u00fct\u00fcn yorgunlu\u011fuma ziyadesiyle de\u011fdi. <\/span>Bug\u00fcn aynan\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00f6zlerimin ta i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm; b\u00fct\u00fcn maskelerinden, b\u00fct\u00fcn gizlerinden tek tek, binbir emekle ar\u0131nd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve \u015fimdi tam kar\u015f\u0131mda \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak, hudutsuz bir mavilikte uzanan ruhum bana ba\u015fard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yor.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hak edilmi\u015f bir zaferin o ma\u011frur tebess\u00fcm\u00fcyle k\u0131vr\u0131l\u0131yor dudaklar\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc i\u00e7 huzura eri\u015fmek, benden \u00f6te beni bulmak i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu yolun ta\u015flar\u0131, huzursuzlukla d\u00f6\u015fenmi\u015fti. <\/span>Huzura giden yol huzursuzluktan ge\u00e7iyordu.<\/span> Bu yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kmaya karar verdi\u011fimden beri sahici bir g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015fle kendime g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyeli o kadar uzun zaman olmu\u015ftu ki ruhumun karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla zehirlenece\u011fimi sanarken bir sabah varmam gereken yere vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlamak en b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6d\u00fcl olmu\u015ftu. \u00c7ok kez bu yolculukta var\u0131\u015f noktas\u0131 diye bir yerin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm, zafer i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m yolda maktul olarak yok olmaktan korkmu\u015ftum. <\/span>Maktul\u00fc oldu\u011fum yolun faili ben olacakt\u0131m. Ne b\u00fcy\u00fck hezeyan! Bir mahk\u00fbm nas\u0131l ki y\u0131llar sonra u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z ye\u015filli\u011fi tekrar g\u00f6rmenin o buruk sevin\u00e7le tatt\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn k\u0131ymetini hi\u00e7bir maddi kayna\u011fa de\u011fi\u015fmezse ben de binbir ac\u0131yla demlenerek edindi\u011fim bu i\u00e7sel huzuru hi\u00e7bir \u015feye de\u011fi\u015fmem.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Net bir \u015feffafl\u0131kla g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum ki insan\u0131n azmi ve kararl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda a\u015famayaca\u011f\u0131 hi\u00e7bir engel yok ama engelleri a\u015fman\u0131n da tek bir s\u0131rr\u0131 var: Ger\u00e7ekten bir \u015feyleri de\u011fi\u015ftirme arzusunun \u015fiddeti. Ben \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu uzun ve zahmetli yolu, de\u011fi\u015fme ve eri\u015fme arzumun \u015fiddeti sayesinde kazand\u0131m. \u00c7ok kez b\u0131rakmak istedim, kaybolmak istedim hatta yenilmek istedim ama b\u0131rakaca\u011f\u0131m noktan\u0131n zay\u0131fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve muhta\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131, direnme g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fc ve g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc per\u00e7inledi. Zay\u0131f olmak insana has bir \u201c\u00e2n\u201dd\u0131 ama \u201c\u00e2n\u201dda kalmay\u0131p uzun bir tesir kazanaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bile bile b\u0131rakmak?.. Bunu ruhuma yapamazd\u0131m. Direndim; bazen o kadar kanad\u0131 ki ruhum, ac\u0131mda bo\u011fuldum. G\u00fc\u00e7lendim; ruhumun kanayan her zerresini, benden ba\u015fka kimsenin saramayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fim \u00e2n durdum ve sard\u0131m b\u00fct\u00fcn yaray\u0131. Bir \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fck kondurdum sonra ve ilk orada \u00f6\u011frendim neden bu yolun bu kadar can yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131: ki\u015finin kendine kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi merhamet eksikli\u011finden. D\u0131\u015far\u0131daki herkese s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z bir merhamet duyma g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcne sahip olan ben, kendime hi\u00e7 merhamet etmemi\u015ftim. Merhamet dilenmi\u015ftim ama ba\u015fkas\u0131ndan ve merhamet dilenmenin ruhta a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 yarayla daha \u00e7ok kanam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bunca zaman. Ta ki en i\u00e7ten, en sahici merhameti kendime kar\u015f\u0131 duymay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenene kadar.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00d6yle anlar oldu ki \u00f6\u011frenmek, bilmek de yetmedi. Bilmenin ama uygulayamaman\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131yla k\u0131vrand\u0131 bu defa ruhum. Kendime kar\u015f\u0131 merhamet g\u00f6stermeyi ba\u015farana kadar pi\u015ftim bu ac\u0131yla, \u00f6yle bir pi\u015ftim ki g\u00f6zlerimde bu\u011fusu kald\u0131; ad\u0131n\u0131 olgunla\u015fmak koydum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yazar: \u0130rem Toky\u00fcrek<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/dream.ai\/create<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maktul\u00fc oldu\u011fum yolun faili ben olacakt\u0131m. Ne b\u00fcy\u00fck hezeyan! Bir mahk\u00fbm nas\u0131l ki y\u0131llar sonra u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z ye\u015filli\u011fi tekrar g\u00f6rmenin o buruk sevin\u00e7le tatt\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn k\u0131ymetini hi\u00e7bir maddi kayna\u011fa de\u011fi\u015fmezse ben de binbir ac\u0131yla demlenerek edindi\u011fim bu i\u00e7sel huzuru hi\u00e7bir \u015feye de\u011fi\u015fmem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":4819,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nBu\u011fulu G\u00f6zlerin Ard\u0131 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/bugulu-gozlerin-ardi\" \/>\n<meta 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