(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 3 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her pencerenin farkl\u0131 hik\u00e2yeye sahip oldu\u011fu bir hastanedeydim. Baz\u0131 odalardan yeni do\u011fan bebek sesleri y\u00fckselirken ba\u015fkas\u0131nda ya\u015fam son buluyordu. Bir kap\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda kahkahalar \u00e7i\u00e7eklenirken di\u011ferinde sessiz feryatlar \u00e7o\u011fal\u0131yordu. Ya\u015fam\u0131n lis\u00e2n\u0131 b\u00f6yleydi neticede. Zaman orada ge\u00e7mek bilmiyordu ama kendimi \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumun pamuktan sal\u0131nca\u011f\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m alb\u00fcme bakarak tahamm\u00fcl ediyordum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
O g\u00fcn farkl\u0131yd\u0131 sanki, resimlerimi incelemeden \u00f6nce aynaya bakt\u0131m. Elim sebepsizce kalbime giderken utan\u00e7 dolu bakan bir \u00e7ift yabanc\u0131 g\u00f6z de as\u0131l\u0131 kald\u0131. Avu\u00e7lar\u0131m buz kesilmi\u015f, aln\u0131mda ise ter taneleri birikmi\u015fti. G\u00f6z kapaklar\u0131m bir \u015feylerin birikintisiyle a\u011f\u0131rla\u015fm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor, g\u00f6zlerim karanl\u0131k bo\u015flu\u011fa sarkar gibi bak\u0131yordu. Yaln\u0131zca bedenen yorgunluk de\u011fildi aynaya d\u00fc\u015fen g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fcn\u00fcn y\u00fcre\u011fi avu\u00e7lar\u0131mda at\u0131yordu ki sorular\u0131ma cevap bulmak \u00fcmidiyle nihayet alb\u00fcm\u00fc a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130lk sayfada k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu. Tam tebess\u00fcm edecektim ki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim birbiri ard\u0131na akmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. “Daha hi\u00e7 ‘Gelir Adaletsizli\u011fi’ diye bir kavram duymam\u0131\u015f belli ki ” diyen i\u00e7 sesime anlam veremedim. Do\u011fruydu, o k\u0131z son model arabalar\u0131na binen insanlar\u0131n a\u00e7l\u0131ktan \u00f6len bebeklerle ayn\u0131 evrende ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan habersizdi. Beni o andan itibaren bir karanl\u0131k tuttu, ku\u015flar u\u00e7maz oldu sanki g\u00fcne\u015f sonsuzca g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc unuttu. Sorgular\u0131m ba\u015flad\u0131 daha sonra ac\u0131lar\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn duyarl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla izledi\u011fimiz haberler biter bitmez \u015fuursuzca al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f merkezlerinin yolu insanl\u0131ktan ge\u00e7iyor muydu? Yalan de\u011fil, haberlerde izleyip ‘vah vah’ ederken taba\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdaki yeme\u011fe burun k\u0131v\u0131r\u0131yorduk, \u00e7ocu\u011fu a\u00e7l\u0131ktan ya da sava\u015fta \u00f6len annenin \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fcnde bin bir a\u011f\u0131t var ki i\u015fte o insanl\u0131kla araya \u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz koca duvar. Evet, \u00e7ocuklar diyorum tek umduklar\u0131 ekmek, su, bar\u0131\u015f olan \u00e7ocuklar. Masum melekleri, m\u00fcltecileri bir lokma ekme\u011fi bayram bilenleri g\u00f6rmeyerek insafta zerreyi dahi yakt\u0131k. Belki G\u00fcney Sudan’da belki bir bebe\u011fin feryat \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesini deldi\u011fi Nijerya’da. Alb\u00fcmde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm gittik\u00e7e b\u00fcy\u00fcyen veya k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclen ben de\u011fil; kan ve sava\u015f renklerine boyanm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocuktu, Yemen’de korkmas\u0131n diye karde\u015fine sar\u0131lan soluktu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Midem bulan\u0131yordu ama ger\u00e7eklerden daha fazla ka\u00e7amazd\u0131m, di\u011fer sayfaya ge\u00e7tim. Rengarenk d\u00fc\u015fleri olan k\u0131z\u0131n \u00fczerinde mavi okul formas\u0131yla mutluluktan havalara u\u00e7tu\u011fu a\u015fik\u00e2rd\u0131, \u00f6nl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc d\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u015fahit oldu\u011fumuz t\u00fcm g\u00fcnahlar\u0131na z\u0131t beyazl\u0131ktayd\u0131. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 kurdeleli k\u0131za, onun ya\u015f\u0131nda e\u011fitim hakk\u0131 elinden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lan i\u015f\u00e7i \u00e7ocuklar oldu\u011funu hi\u00e7 s\u00f6ylememi\u015flerdi. Ne de olsa her \u015fey yolundaym\u0131\u015f gibi yapmaya al\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131z, -m\u0131\u015f gibi ya\u015fayarak g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn kap\u0131lar\u0131na umursamazl\u0131k kilitleri takt\u0131k, b\u00fct\u00fcn ahl\u00e2k\u00ee de\u011ferleri fark\u0131nda olmadan y\u0131kt\u0131k. Sava\u015flar\u0131, a\u00e7lar\u0131, \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclen kad\u0131nlar\u0131, istismar edilen \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, ma\u011fdurlar\u0131 hep uza\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda sand\u0131k, kendimizi kand\u0131r\u0131p yak\u0131n\u0131 uzak k\u0131ld\u0131k…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0130lerideki sayfay\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, tozlu foto\u011fraflar i\u00e7indeki k\u0131z b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, gencecik, \u00e7i\u00e7ekli elbisesiyle ne\u015fe sa\u00e7arken bir yerlerde i\u015flenen kad\u0131n cinayeti vard\u0131 eminim. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ruhumun a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yam\u0131yordu yolcu oldu\u011fum bu d\u00fcnya treni, raylar\u0131n yerinden \u00e7\u0131kacak gibi g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0131rmal\u0131yordu. Daha birka\u00e7 sayfada yorgunluktan bitap d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. G\u00f6rd\u00fcklerim beni b\u00f6yle sarsarken ya ya\u015fayanlar\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131? Her karede hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m birilerinin \u00e7ekti\u011fi kahr\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e2hlar, \u00e7al\u0131nan o hayatlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Kafam allak bullak olmu\u015ftu, nas\u0131l elimizden, s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fczden bir \u015fey gelmedi? Engel olmaya hi\u00e7 mi g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fcz yetmedi? Bir yolculuktu ki kendimi sorguya \u00e7ektim, bunlar\u0131 yapan ‘biz’i utan\u00e7la seyrettim. G\u00f6zlerimi kapatt\u0131m i\u00e7imi usa vurup yolun \u00f6te ke\u015ffinden. Dudaklar\u0131m titriyordu devrildi devrilecek adaletsizlikten. Nice kap\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcme \u00f6rt\u00fcld\u00fc bunca zaman suskunlu\u011fumun mahcubiyetinden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Su\u00e7luyduk, su\u00e7luydum, kabul etmesek de zaten zulm\u00fc sevmeyen zalimin kendisi de\u011fil mi heyhat? \u0130stismara u\u011fram\u0131\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131za sessiz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in par\u00e7alanan oyunca\u011f\u0131nda kirlendi vicdan, f\u0131trat!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“\u00c7aattt!” diye sert\u00e7e kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m alb\u00fcm\u00fcn sesine uyanan annem sorgulayan bak\u0131\u015flarla bana bak\u0131yordu ki ona d\u00f6nerek, “K\u0131yafetlerim toz olsa bir \u015feyler derdin, y\u00fcre\u011fim kapkara olmu\u015f neden ses etmedin?” diye sordum. Cevap veremedi, sadece su verdi… <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bo\u011fuluyordum san\u0131r\u0131m, as\u0131l ben o vakte de\u011fin nas\u0131l insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 uyand\u0131rmad\u0131m?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yazar: B\u00fc\u015fra Ate\u015f<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“\u00c7aattt!” diye sert\u00e7e kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m alb\u00fcm\u00fcn sesine uyanan annem sorgulayan bak\u0131\u015flarla bana bak\u0131yordu ki ona d\u00f6nerek, “K\u0131yafetlerim toz olsa bir \u015feyler derdin, y\u00fcre\u011fim kapkara olmu\u015f neden ses etmedin?” diye sordum. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":43,"featured_media":2186,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[651,33],"yoast_head":"\n