Hi\u00e7 a\u00e7 kald\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131, a\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda ne oldu, v\u00fccudunuz ne kadar halsizle\u015fti veya ne kadar halsiz kald\u0131n\u0131z, en yorgun ve bitkin oldu\u011funuz an\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yor musunuz, ne kadar s\u00fcre hi\u00e7bir \u015feye odaklanamad\u0131n\u0131z? Mideniz hi\u00e7 dayanamayacak \u015fekilde a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 m\u0131, kas\u0131ld\u0131 m\u0131, buland\u0131 m\u0131 veya uzun s\u00fcre a\u00e7 kalarak sonras\u0131nda hi\u00e7 ciddi problemler ya\u015fad\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131? Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131z dayan\u0131lamayacak kadar a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 m\u0131? Elleriniz, ayaklar\u0131n\u0131z titredi mi? A\u00e7l\u0131ktan hi\u00e7 kustunuz mu ya da? G\u00f6zleriniz ne kadar bulan\u0131kla\u015ft\u0131, ne kadar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebildiniz, a\u00e7ken zihniniz ne kadar kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleriniz ne hale geldi, ne kadar sabredebildiniz? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peki \u015f\u00f6yle soray\u0131m; Ger\u00e7ekten a\u00e7 kald\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131, karn\u0131n\u0131z s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131za yap\u0131\u015facak kadar a\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z oldu mu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knut Hamsun\u2019un A\u00e7l\u0131k roman\u0131nda a\u00e7l\u0131\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 verilen umutsuz sava\u015f her sat\u0131r\u0131nda hissettiriyor kendini. Roman\u0131n kahraman\u0131n\u0131n ne kadar a\u00e7 ve sefil bir hayat s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, her seferinde yeni bir umutla yola \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p yeniden ve yeniden kaybedece\u011fini bile bile nas\u0131l ilerlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131, bir o kadar gururlu oldu\u011fu ve hak etmedi\u011fi yiyece\u011fi asla kabul etmedi\u011fi a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcyor. Bar\u0131nacak yerinin ve \u00fczerinde olan k\u0131yafetlerden ba\u015fka giyecek bir \u015feyinin olmamas\u0131, en \u00f6nemlisi de a\u00e7 olmas\u0131n\u0131n hem fizyolojik hem de psikolojik olarak \u00e7\u00f6kmesine neden olu\u015funa de\u011finiliyor. Ayr\u0131ca kahraman\u0131n bir dostunun olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc i\u015f bulamamas\u0131 ve \u00e7e\u015fitli konularda gazetelere yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 yaz\u0131lar\u0131yla arada talih ondan yana olsa da genel olarak ret cevab\u0131 almas\u0131 ve yine de yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 yaz\u0131larla g\u00fcn gelecek ve o g\u00fcn geldi\u011finde hi\u00e7 a\u00e7 kalmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fc anlat\u0131l\u0131yor romanda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kahraman ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 oday\u0131; att\u0131\u011f\u0131 her ad\u0131mda tahtalar\u0131 esneyen, \u0131slak ve korkulu bir tabuta benzeterek bize nas\u0131l bir sefalet i\u00e7inde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tasvir ediyor. Hayat\u0131n\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 mezarl\u0131klarda ve saray parklar\u0131nda ge\u00e7iren, evinin kiras\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6deyemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in evinden ayr\u0131lmak zorunda kalan, sonras\u0131nda bir yolcu pansiyonu bulup oradan da dramatik bir \u015fekilde kovulan; ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131ndan, kur\u015fun kaleminden ve birinden \u00f6d\u00fcn\u00e7 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 eski battaniyeden ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi olmayan; a\u00e7l\u0131ktan \u00f6lmek \u00fczereyken bir \u015fekilde eline ge\u00e7en paralarla hayatta kalan; tala\u015f \u00e7i\u011fneyerek parma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u0131s\u0131r\u0131p kan\u0131n\u0131 veya yerde buldu\u011fu portakal kabu\u011funu emip t\u00fck\u00fcr\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc yutarak midesini ve kendisini avutmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan, hatta bir arabac\u0131 aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7i\u011fnedi\u011finde aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ne halde oldu\u011funa de\u011fil de ayakkab\u0131s\u0131 y\u0131rt\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in kahrolan, ceketinin d\u00fc\u011fmeleri s\u00f6k\u00fcp satmay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnecek kadar a\u00e7 ve ba\u015fkas\u0131ndan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 eski battaniyeyi satamayacak kadar da gururlu biri.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n zirve yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 durumlarda \u2018\u2019G\u00f6klerin, yerlerin rabbi; bir mutlu saniye u\u011fruna hayat\u0131m\u0131n bu g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fc harcad\u0131m! B\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6mr\u00fcm bir mercimek \u00e7orbas\u0131na fedad\u0131r! Yakar\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 bari bu sefer duy! \u2018\u2019 <\/em>c\u00fcmlelerini kullanarak a\u00e7 bir insan\u0131n halini iliklerimize kadar ya\u015fat\u0131yor. A\u00e7l\u0131k \u015fiddetinin artt\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlarda bu c\u00fcmleleri de dile getirmi\u015ftir: \u2018\u2019\u0130nsan\u0131n birazc\u0131k ekme\u011fi olsa! Sokaklarda \u0131s\u0131ra \u0131s\u0131ra gidebilece\u011fi bir k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck nefis \u00e7avdar ekme\u011fi! Hem y\u00fcr\u00fcyor hem de bu en iyisinden \u00e7avdar ekme\u011fini hayal ediyordum; \u015fimdi yemesi ne ho\u015f olurdu! A\u00e7l\u0131k iflah\u0131m\u0131 kesiyordu; \u00f6lmeyi, yok olmay\u0131 \u00f6zledim, duyguland\u0131m, a\u011flad\u0131m. Sefaletim bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc t\u00fckenmek bilmiyordu! Ans\u0131z\u0131n soka\u011f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda durdum, vurdum aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131 yere, bast\u0131m k\u00fcfr\u00fc.\u2019\u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Yine a\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 dayan\u0131lmaz noktaya geldi\u011finde kasaptan bir k\u00f6pe\u011fe verece\u011fini s\u00f6yleyerek bir kemik al\u0131r ve kemi\u011fi kemirmeye ba\u015flar . Ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 kemik par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 g\u00fcnlerdir yemek yemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in midesi kabul etmez ve \u015fiddetle midesi bulan\u0131r, midesinde tutmak i\u00e7in kusmamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u015fu sat\u0131rlarla dile getirmi\u015ftir:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018\u2019\u2026 d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131m karanl\u0131kt\u0131 m\u00fckemmel; kemi\u011fi kemirmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. Tad\u0131 neyin tad\u0131na benziyordu, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin! Bayat kan\u0131n t\u0131kay\u0131c\u0131 kokusuydu kemikten y\u00fckselen; derhal kusmak zorunda kald\u0131m. Bir daha denedim. Yuttuklar\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karmayacak olsam faydas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6recektim herhalde, midemi yat\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmam gerekiyordu. K\u0131zd\u0131m, di\u015flerimi h\u0131rsla et par\u00e7as\u0131na ge\u00e7irdim, biraz\u0131n\u0131 kopard\u0131m, sonra yuttum. Para etmiyordu; et k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131 midemde \u0131s\u0131n\u0131r \u0131s\u0131nmaz geri geliyorlard\u0131. \u00c7\u0131lg\u0131na d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f, yumruklar\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131kt\u0131m, \u00e7aresizlikten a\u011flamakl\u0131 olmu\u015ftum; deliler gibi di\u015fledim kemi\u011fi . G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m bo\u015fand\u0131, ya\u015flarla \u0131sland\u0131, kirlendi kemik, \u00f6\u011f\u00fcr\u00fcyor, k\u00fcfrediyor, yeniden \u0131s\u0131r\u0131yordum; kalbim \u00e7atlayacakm\u0131\u015f gibi a\u011fl\u0131yordum, tekrar kustum. Ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rarak, d\u00fcnyada ne var ne yok isyan ettim.\u2019\u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A\u00e7l\u0131k, karn\u0131m\u0131zdaki bir bo\u015fluktan \u00e7ok daha fazlas\u0131d\u0131r. A\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi bile bizi rahats\u0131z edecek \u015fekilde a\u00e7 hissetmemize, midemizin kaz\u0131nmas\u0131na sebep olabilir. A\u00e7l\u0131k insan\u0131n uykular\u0131n\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131ran, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini kaybettiren bir olgudur. Ya\u015fam ve \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn aras\u0131nda durmu\u015f olan bir kelimedir. Roman\u0131n verdi\u011fi a\u00e7l\u0131k duygusunu tam anlam\u0131yla hissetmemiz m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil. Giderilen her ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z bir yenisini do\u011furdu\u011fu i\u00e7in bizler az ile yetinemeyen, hep daha fazlas\u0131n\u0131 isteyen doyumsuz insanlar\u0131z. Bu c\u00fcmleler de a\u00e7 de\u011fil de tok olan bir insan\u0131n c\u00fcmleleridir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yazar: Feray \u00dcnsal<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi\u00e7 a\u00e7 kald\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131, a\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda ne oldu, v\u00fccudunuz ne kadar halsizle\u015fti veya ne kadar halsiz kald\u0131n\u0131z, en […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,6],"tags":[481,465],"yoast_head":"\n