{"id":1422,"date":"2017-09-23T10:49:16","date_gmt":"2017-09-23T07:49:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=1422"},"modified":"2017-09-23T10:49:16","modified_gmt":"2017-09-23T07:49:16","slug":"deger-vermek-uzerine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/deger-vermek-uzerine","title":{"rendered":"De\u011fer Vermek \u00dczerine"},"content":{"rendered":"

Beynimiz en iyi dostumuz ve ayn\u0131 zamanda en k\u00f6t\u00fc d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m\u0131z. Bu bizim onu nas\u0131l kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ile alakal\u0131 oldu\u011fu kadar onun bizi nas\u0131l kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile de alakal\u0131. Dr. Schwartz \u201cYou\u2019re Not Your Brain\u201d adl\u0131 kitab\u0131nda beynimizin otomatik olarak al\u0131p i\u015fledi\u011fi bilgilerden gelen mesajlar\u0131n en tehlikeli olanlar\u0131ndan<\/span> yan\u0131lt\u0131c\u0131 beyin mesajlar\u0131<\/span><\/i>n\u0131; yanl\u0131\u015f veya hatal\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler, yarars\u0131z dikkat da\u011f\u0131t\u0131c\u0131 d\u00fcrt\u00fcler ya da sizi hayattaki ger\u00e7ek ama\u00e7 ve niyetlerinizden uzakla\u015ft\u0131ran arzular olarak tan\u0131mlar. Buna ek olarak insan, bilin\u00e7d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kendinden \u015f\u00fcphe etme e\u011filimindedir. Asl\u0131nda bu \u015f\u00fcphe de o mesajlar\u0131n bir sonucudur.<\/span> Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcnden g\u00f6r\u00fclen kendisine ait \u00f6zellik ve de\u011fer, kendisi taraf\u0131ndan fark edilemez. Birisi size gelip “G\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn \u00e7ok g\u00fczel.” dedi\u011finde i\u00e7inizde beliren \u201cHadi can\u0131m sen de!\u201d hissi asl\u0131nda o ki\u015fiye duydu\u011funuz g\u00fcvensizlikten de\u011fil, kendinize duydu\u011funuz g\u00fcvensizlikten ve \u015f\u00fcpheden kaynaklanmakta.<\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span>Baz\u0131 insanlar\u0131n kendisinden \u00e7ok ba\u015fkalar\u0131na de\u011fer vermesinin alt\u0131nda da bu sebep vard\u0131r. Kendilerinin ba\u015fkalar\u0131 taraf\u0131ndan sevgi, \u015fefkat, nezaket ve ilgi hak etmediklerini, de\u011fersiz olduklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrler. Kendi de\u011ferlerinden \u015f\u00fcphe ederler. Bu, insan\u0131n kendini en ac\u0131 \u015fekilde a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lama y\u00f6ntemidir belki de. Buna kar\u015f\u0131n kendilerinde bulamad\u0131klar\u0131 de\u011feri, de\u011fer verdi\u011fi insanlardan beklerler her zaman. Genellikle kendilerine en ufak ilgi g\u00f6steren insanlardan bir par\u00e7a sevgi g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in onlara fazlaca de\u011fer verip onlar\u0131 kaybetme korkusu ile sevgiye bo\u011fan insanlar, kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki insan\u0131n en ufak ilgisiz ya da k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 hareketi kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda hem \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr hem de su\u00e7u kar\u015f\u0131da de\u011fil kendilerinde bulurlar.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Kimilerinin ise bunun i\u00e7in daha bilin\u00e7d\u0131\u015f\u0131 sebepleri olabilir. \u00d6rne\u011fin ince d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce denilen \u015fey asl\u0131nda ac\u0131ma duygusu olabilir. Ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan g\u00f6remedi\u011finiz sevgiyi kar\u015f\u0131daki insana ac\u0131y\u0131p ona veriyor, sevgisizli\u011fi tecr\u00fcbe edip \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fczden dolay\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131daki \u00fcz\u00fclmesin diye de \u00fcst\u00fcne titriyor olabilirsiniz. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u0130nsan\u0131n ba\u015fkalar\u0131na ve kendilerine verdi\u011fi de\u011ferde her zaman bir denge olmal\u0131d\u0131r. Kendinizi tamamen unutup kendinizi ba\u015fkalar\u0131na aday\u0131p altruizmin e\u015fi\u011fine gelebilirken ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 tamamen unutup kendinizi \u00fcst\u00fcn g\u00f6r\u00fcp narsisizme de ula\u015fabilirsiniz.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Peki onca de\u011fere ra\u011fmen neden o insanlar size kaba ya da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiz davran\u0131r? \u00d6ncelikle \u015funu belirteyim; bu, g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz insan\u0131n\u0131n sorunu de\u011fil. Bu y\u00fczden cevab\u0131n\u0131 19. yy. filozofu Schopenhauer\u2019dan nakledece\u011fim: \u201cBir dosta kar\u015f\u0131 gururlu ve onu biraz ihmal edici bir bi\u00e7imde davranarak onu yitirmeyiz ama ona kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7ok fazla dost\u00e7a ve kibar davran\u0131rsak onu yitiririz. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu davran\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131z onu k\u00fcstah ve katlan\u0131lmaz k\u0131lacakt\u0131r, bu da bir kopmaya yol a\u00e7acakt\u0131r. \u0130nsanlar, \u00f6zellikle onlara muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011fumuz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini kesinlikle kald\u0131ramazlar. Kibir ve kendini be\u011fenme bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin ayr\u0131lmaz e\u015flik\u00e7ileridir. Hemen onlar\u0131n naz\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ekmek zorunda oldu\u011fumuzu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrler ve nezaket s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 geni\u015fletmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u00d6z\u00fcnde insanlar\u0131n bir arada ya\u015famas\u0131, arkada\u015fl\u0131klar kurmas\u0131n\u0131n nedeni fark\u0131nda olmasak da \u00e7\u0131karlard\u0131r ve bu \u00e7\u0131karlardan elde edilen tatmin olma duygusudur. Bir insana sizden elde edebilece\u011fi t\u00fcm \u00e7\u0131kar ve de\u011feri siz bir anda ve b\u00fct\u00fcn olarak sundu\u011funuzda bu ki\u015finin sizinle ileti\u015fimini koparmas\u0131 sizden alabilece\u011fi daha fazla bir \u015fey kalmamas\u0131ndand\u0131r asl\u0131nda. Schopenhauer\u2019\u0131n kopma dedi\u011finden kast\u0131 da budur.<\/span>
\n<\/span>Bu kopmalardan sonra insanlar genelde oldu\u011fundan daha fazla yan\u0131lt\u0131c\u0131 mesaj al\u0131r. “De\u011fersizim, kimse beni sevmiyor, benden hi\u00e7 bir \u015fey olmaz, zaman\u0131m bo\u015fa gitti…” vs. Yan\u0131lt\u0131c\u0131 beyin mesajlar\u0131 size sa\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcvensizlik etkisiyle bir yandan sizi hedeflerinize ula\u015ft\u0131racak \u00e7abalardan, denemelerden, kendinizi sorgulaman\u0131zdan al\u0131koyarken bir yandan da ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan kendinizde bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z ilgi ve sevgiyi araman\u0131za devam ettirir. Bu, ayr\u0131ca \u00e7aba ve \u00f6zg\u00fcven gerekerek ula\u015faca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z bir \u015feyin hazz\u0131n\u0131 alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zdan; bu hazz\u0131 ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan ilgi, sevgi g\u00f6rerek ve onlara fazlaca de\u011fer vererek almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fman\u0131za da neden olur. \u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u00c7o\u011funlukla gen\u00e7likte ya\u015fan\u0131lan bu durum \u00e7ocukluktan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p toplumla daha fazla i\u00e7 i\u00e7e olmaya ba\u015fland\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman ba\u015fa gelir. \u0130nsan\u0131n ya\u015f\u0131 ilerledik\u00e7e \u00e7\u0131karlar\u0131 da artar \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Ayr\u0131ca toplumda yer edinme \u00e7abas\u0131, toplumun olu\u015fturdu\u011fu bask\u0131lardan dolay\u0131 bizi kendimizden \u00e7ok toplumu ve di\u011fer insanlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye iter. Pek \u00e7ok insan kendisine de\u011fer vermeyi, kendisini ke\u015ffetmeyi zor yoldan yani ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n defalarca onu kenara atmas\u0131 sonucu, ba\u015fkalar\u0131 i\u00e7in u\u011fra\u015f\u0131rken y\u0131llar\u0131n\u0131n ak\u0131p ge\u00e7ti\u011fini fark edince \u00f6\u011frenir.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u00d6zellikle gen\u00e7 ya\u015fta insan kendisini geli\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in \u00e7aba harcamal\u0131. Kendisini geli\u015ftiren ve de\u011ferinin fark\u0131nda olan birisi zaten \u00e7evre taraf\u0131ndan da de\u011fer ve ilgi g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Ayr\u0131ca okudu\u011fu kitaplar, edindi\u011fi hobiler sayesinde her \u015feyi ac\u0131 yoldan \u00f6\u011frenmesine de gerek kalmaz. Schopenhauer gibi nice filozoftan, ressamdan, yazardan, sporcudan deneyim ve derin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme \u00f6\u011frenebilir insan, yeter ki dikkat etsin, \u00e7abalas\u0131n. Kendisine bir hi\u00e7 gibi davranan X insan\u0131na do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcnde ne alaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 saatlerce d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek, ara\u015ft\u0131rmak yerine bir yap\u0131t hakk\u0131nda saatlerce d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcns\u00fcn.<\/span>
\n<\/span>\"\"<\/a><\/span>
\n<\/span>\u00d6rnek vermek gerekirse, kendimizi a\u011fa\u00e7, meyvelerimizi \u00e7abalayarak elde etti\u011fimiz sonu\u00e7lar, suyu ise \u00e7aba ve de\u011fer olarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnelim. E\u011fer suyu ba\u015fka a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n dibine d\u00f6ker ve kendimizi unutursak hem hi\u00e7 meyvemiz olmayacak hem de kuru bir a\u011fa\u00e7 olup orman\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olamayaca\u011f\u0131z. Suyu kendimize verip meyveler elde etti\u011fimiz takdirde orman\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131z. Kim bilir belki de ad\u0131n\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde bile kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z Arthur Schopenhauer gibi k\u00f6kl\u00fc bir a\u011fa\u00e7 oluruz.<\/span><\/p>\n

YAZAR:<\/em> Kardelen\u00a0\u015eENSOY<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Beynimiz en iyi dostumuz ve ayn\u0131 zamanda en k\u00f6t\u00fc d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m\u0131z. Bu bizim onu nas\u0131l kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ile alakal\u0131 oldu\u011fu […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":1428,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[17,395,12,19],"yoast_head":"\nDe\u011fer Vermek \u00dczerine | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/deger-vermek-uzerine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"De\u011fer Vermek \u00dczerine | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden 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