{"id":964,"date":"2016-10-05T02:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-04T23:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=964"},"modified":"2016-10-08T16:46:57","modified_gmt":"2016-10-08T13:46:57","slug":"normal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/normal","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Norm\u2019al"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cPembe g\u00f6mlek mi? O\u011flum erkek adam pembe giyer mi?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNe i\u015fin varm\u0131\u015f senin gecenin bir vakti alkoll\u00fc yerlerde?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSeyfi, o\u011flan k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131n mutfakta i\u015fi mi olurmu\u015f? \u00c7\u0131k \u015furadan, bak b\u00fct\u00fcn mutfak d\u00fczeninin i\u00e7ine etmi\u015fsin yine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Kurdu\u011fum \u00f6rnek c\u00fcmlelerden ve koskoca ba\u015fl\u0131ktan nelerden bahsedece\u011fimi az \u00e7ok anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 tahmin ediyorum. Evet, normlar. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde bizlere ve bizden \u00f6nceki t\u00fcm nesillere etkilemi\u015f normlar. Zaman zaman bize nefes ald\u0131rmayan normlar. Erken \u00e7ocukluk d\u00f6neminden beri yakam\u0131z\u0131 b\u0131rakmam\u0131\u015f, yeti\u015fkinlikte de b\u0131rakmayacak olan normlar. Ge\u00e7en zaman i\u00e7erisinde etkisi azalm\u0131\u015f olsa da asla bitmeyen normlar. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00d6nce norm kavram\u0131n\u0131 biraz tan\u0131yal\u0131m:<\/span><\/p>\n

Norm:<\/strong> \u00c7e\u015fitli yerlerde nas\u0131l davran\u0131lmas\u0131, ne yap\u0131lmas\u0131 veya ne yap\u0131lmamas\u0131 gerekti\u011fine dair kal\u0131p yarg\u0131lard\u0131r. \u00d6rne\u011fin: Yeni tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z i\u015f arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131zla ak\u015fam yeme\u011fine \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131n\u0131z. \u00d6nce \u00e7orban\u0131z\u0131 afiyetle i\u00e7tiniz. (\u0130\u00e7ine ekmek do\u011framadan) Ana yemek \u00e7orban\u0131z\u0131 takiben masan\u0131za geliyor. \u015eansa bak, tavuk gelmi\u015f. \u201cEvet arkada\u015flar, ben ellerimle dal\u0131yorum o zaman\u201d demiyorsunuz, sol elinizde \u00e7atal, sa\u011f elinizde b\u0131\u00e7ak \u0130ngiliz asilzadeleri gibi devam ediyorsunuz yeme\u011fe. <\/span><\/p>\n

Bu olay normlara verebilece\u011fimiz en basit \u00f6rneklerden biri olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen bize \u00f6nemli bir \u015fey g\u00f6steriyor; her norm olumsuz olmak zorunda de\u011fildir.<\/span><\/p>\n

Normlar\u0131n Olu\u015fumu ve Toplumdaki Yeri<\/b><\/p>\n

Normlar ya\u015fan\u0131lan zaman i\u00e7erisinde toplumun ve \u00e7evrenin k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcne g\u00f6re olu\u015fur ve de\u011fi\u015fir. Biraz daha a\u00e7mak gerekirse toplumun dini inanc\u0131, dili, mensup oldu\u011fu \u0131rk, bulunulan co\u011frafi b\u00f6lgenin etkisi normlar\u0131 do\u011furur ve de\u011fi\u015ftirir. Eski T\u00fcrklerden \u00f6rnek verelim, g\u00f6\u00e7ebe hayata mensup olan T\u00fcrk milleti, Uygurlar ile beraber yerle\u015fik hayata ge\u00e7meye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Bunun sebebi de\u011fi\u015fen d\u00fcnya d\u00fczeniyle beraber T\u00fcrklerin bu d\u00fczenden etkilenmesi ve bu d\u00fczene ayak uydurmas\u0131d\u0131r. Bu de\u011fi\u015fimle beraber T\u00fcrkler sanat\u00e7\u0131l\u0131kla u\u011fra\u015fmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f, \u00f6rf ve adetlerinde \u00f6nemli de\u011fi\u015fimler olmu\u015f, sosyal ya\u015famlar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck oranda de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla normlar da \u2018zamanla\u2019 farkl\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Yani art\u0131k ebeveynler \u00e7ocuklar\u0131na \u201cSen bu heykeli yap\u0131yorsun ama, biz alt\u0131 ay sonra bu k\u0131\u015flaktan gitti\u011fimizde bunu y\u0131kmak zorunda kalacaks\u0131n, gel iki k\u0131l\u0131\u00e7 talimi yapal\u0131m da kendimize gelelim.\u201d diyememeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Bu \u00f6rnekten rahat\u00e7a g\u00f6rebilece\u011fimiz gibi, k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn normlar\u0131 do\u011frudan etkiledi\u011fini s\u00f6yleyebiliriz.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bundan ziyade insan hayat standard\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fckseltmek i\u00e7in var olan normlar da vard\u0131r. Az \u00f6nce \u2018elle yemek yeme\u2019 davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bir \u00f6rnekte kullanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, oradan devam edeyim. Bu normun \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f sebebi, eski zamanlarda (ki\u015fisel hijyeni sa\u011flaman\u0131n \u00e7ok daha zor oldu\u011fu zamanlarda) ortal\u0131kta tedavisi olmayan ve bula\u015f\u0131c\u0131 bir\u00e7ok hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n kol gezmesi ve elle yedi\u011fimizde bu hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n b\u00fcnyeye kolayca al\u0131nmas\u0131d\u0131r.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"dunce_cap\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Normlar\u0131n Bask\u0131ya D\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmesi<\/b><\/p>\n

G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde var olan bir\u00e7ok norm neden \u00fczerimizde bask\u0131 hissettiriyor, bunu biraz a\u00e7al\u0131m. Globalle\u015fen d\u00fcnyan\u0131n (hep bu kavram\u0131 kullanmak istemi\u015fimdir) sonucu olarak, bir\u00e7ok k\u00fclt\u00fcrle ileti\u015fimi \u00e7ok rahat sa\u011flayabiliyoruz. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr ucunda olan \u00fclkelerdeki haberleri takip etmek art\u0131k \u00e7ok kolay. Televizyonlar\u0131m\u0131zda, bilgisayarlar\u0131m\u0131zda yabanc\u0131 dizileri zevkle takip ediyoruz. Yabanc\u0131 yazarlar\u0131n kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 okuyoruz. Sonu\u00e7 olarak, kendi k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc, yabanc\u0131 k\u00fclt\u00fcrlerle harmanl\u0131yoruz, hem de hi\u00e7bir neslin yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar h\u0131zl\u0131 bir bi\u00e7imde. K\u00fclt\u00fcr de\u011fi\u015ftik\u00e7e normlar da yukar\u0131da a\u00e7\u0131klad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sebeplerden dolay\u0131 h\u0131zla de\u011fi\u015fiyor, baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n y\u0131k\u0131lmas\u0131 ve yeni normlar\u0131n olu\u015fmas\u0131 gerekiyor.<\/span><\/p>\n

M\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmayan bir \u015fey var ki o da normlar\u0131n k\u0131sa vadede y\u0131k\u0131lmas\u0131. Kendi ebeveynlerimizi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnelim, onlar\u0131n \u00e7ocukluk ve gen\u00e7liklerini. \u00c7o\u011funun e\u011flenme bi\u00e7imleri, konu\u015ftuklar\u0131 konular, giyinme tarz\u0131, hitap tarz\u0131 vs. \u00e7ok farkl\u0131yd\u0131. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla bizim \u00e7ok h\u0131zl\u0131 bir \u015fekilde de\u011fi\u015fen (\u00f6zellikle 2000\u2019li y\u0131llardan sonra, internetin yayg\u0131nla\u015fmas\u0131yla) ya\u015fama bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131m\u0131z ve hayat hakk\u0131ndaki beklentilerimizi anlamakta g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fck \u00e7ekmeleri kadar normal bir \u015fey yok. <\/span><\/p>\n

De\u011fi\u015fimin bu kadar h\u0131zl\u0131 ve \u00e7e\u015fitli olmas\u0131 beraberinde ku\u015fak \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n en ate\u015fli halini evlerimize ta\u015f\u0131yor. Hadi empatiyi biraz tersten yapal\u0131m, daha iyi anlamam\u0131za yard\u0131mc\u0131 olur. Benim ya\u015f grubum olarak \u015fimdiki 3-10 ya\u015f aras\u0131 \u00e7ocuk grubunu inceleyelim. D\u0131\u015farda bir yerde otururken bile en fazla be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndaki bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun elinde tabletle oyun oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hepimiz g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fczd\u00fcr muhtemelen, en az\u0131ndan kendi ad\u0131ma konu\u015fmak gerekirse ben \u00e7ok g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Cep telefonu kullanma ya\u015f\u0131 bizim \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumuza oranla \u00f6nemli derecede d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f durumda. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da bile elektronik aletlerle oynayan bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun evde onlar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda ne kadar zaman ge\u00e7irdi\u011fini tahmin etmek \u00e7ok da zor olmasa gerek. Bir de kendi \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumu hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum, eve girmezdim. Ak\u015fam yeme\u011fine \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bile eve gitmeyen asi \u00e7ocuklardan biriydim ben de. On ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131 ge\u00e7eli daha sadece on y\u0131l olmu\u015fken ben \u015fimdiki ekrana ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 anlayam\u0131yorum ve onlar i\u00e7in endi\u015feleniyorum, ebeveynlerinizin halini siz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 anla\u015f\u0131lmama durumu bask\u0131y\u0131 do\u011furuyor. Otorite olan taraf yeti\u015fkin kesim oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in onlar\u0131n beklentileri ve istekleri biraz daha a\u011f\u0131r bas\u0131yor, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla bazen kendimizi haks\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa u\u011fram\u0131\u015f gibi hissedebiliyoruz. Yine de yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z empatiyi g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne alarak, kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131 anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rsak yap\u0131c\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmler \u00fcretebiliriz.<\/span><\/p>\n

Normlara ve Bask\u0131lara \u00d6l\u00fcm<\/b><\/p>\n

Ba\u015fta \u00f6rnek verdi\u011fim c\u00fcmlelere de bir g\u00f6z atarsak, zaman zaman ger\u00e7ekten hi\u00e7 anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z normlarla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ve bunlar\u0131n \u00fczerimizde bask\u0131 olu\u015fturdu\u011funu rahatl\u0131kla g\u00f6rebiliriz. Pembe g\u00f6mlek giymesine izin verilmeyen A ki\u015fisi kendine en \u00e7ok o rengin yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor olabilir. Gece vakti gayet g\u00fcvenli olan ve ayn\u0131 zamanda alkol sipari\u015fi verebildi\u011fimiz g\u00fczel yerler oldu\u011funu bilmeyenleri saymakla bitmez. Hatta ve hatta s\u0131rf “Erkek adam\u0131n mutfakla i\u015fi olmaz” metas\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden ka\u00e7 tane Seyfi\u2019nin harcand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek bile insan\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcyor. Uzun laf\u0131n k\u0131sas\u0131 bunlara benzer say\u0131s\u0131z norm g\u00fcnl\u00fck hayat\u0131m\u0131zda kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za bask\u0131 unsuru olarak \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. Peki bunlarla m\u00fccadele etmenin bir yolu yok mu?<\/span><\/p>\n

Yaz\u0131 boyunca bahsetti\u011fim gibi, normlar zamanla de\u011fi\u015fir. Bu bask\u0131ya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fen ve insanlar taraf\u0131ndan uygulanan \u2018norm\u2019alle\u015ftirme \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 k\u0131sa s\u00fcrede \u00f6nlemenin herhangi bir yolu \u2013\u00fcz\u00fclerek belirtiyorum ki- yok ama en az\u0131ndan en \u00e7ok ebeveynlerle ya\u015fanan ku\u015fak \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 yumu\u015fatman\u0131n p\u00fcf noktalar\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yleyebilirim.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"uzlasma\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Uzla\u015fma<\/b><\/p>\n

Yasak ve har\u00e7l\u0131k kesintisiyle ki\u015finin gitmek istedi\u011fi t\u00fcm e\u011flence mekanlar\u0131 zapt edilmi\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn gece odas\u0131na girilmi\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn arkada\u015flar\u0131 da\u011f\u0131t\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve evin her k\u00f6\u015fesi bilfiil i\u015fgal edilmi\u015f olabilir. Uzun vadede bu gibi durumlar\u0131 yumu\u015fatmaya y\u00f6nelik p\u00fcf noktalar:<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

-Sakin olun.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

K\u0131zmak ve ba\u011f\u0131rmak size ve ebeveynlerinize hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kazand\u0131rmaz. Aksine kendinizi yormu\u015f, ebeveynlerinizi gereksiz yere daha \u00e7ok \u00fczm\u00fc\u015f olursunuz.<\/span><\/p>\n

-Onlar\u0131 anlay\u0131n.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Yukar\u0131da yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z empatiyi ve b\u00f6yle davranmalar\u0131n\u0131n sebebini akl\u0131n\u0131za getirin. Bu ad\u0131m \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc getiren \u00f6nemli ad\u0131mlardan biri olacakt\u0131r.<\/span><\/p>\n

-Birey oldu\u011funuzu onlara hissettirin.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Ebeveynlerinizin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini de\u011fi\u015ftiremeyece\u011finize g\u00f6re, size sayg\u0131 duymalar\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flamal\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z, \u00fcstelik bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz kadar zor de\u011fil. Mesela bir ak\u015fam yeme\u011finden sonra bula\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 kendi iste\u011finizle y\u0131kayabilirsiniz. K\u0131\u015f\u0131n evden \u00e7\u0131karken ailenizin bile laf edemeyece\u011fi bir \u015fekilde kal\u0131n giyinebilirsiniz. Kendi e\u011fitiminiz i\u00e7in yat\u0131r\u0131mlar yapabilirsiniz. Kendi cep har\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zdan bir kongreye onlara g\u00f6stere g\u00f6stere kat\u0131labilirsiniz. Yaz boyunca \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p kendinize telefon alabilirsiniz. Bunlar basit eylemler gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnse de temelinde \u00f6nemli bir mesaj ta\u015f\u0131r, “Ben de bir bireyim.” Size duyulan g\u00fcven ve sayg\u0131 artt\u0131k\u00e7a kendi ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 kendiniz y\u00f6nlendirmeniz de kolayla\u015f\u0131r.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bunlar bizim ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131za etkisi olacak p\u00fcf noktalar. Daha \u00f6nemli bir sorumlulu\u011fumuz var ki o da bizden sonrakilerin ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 etkileyecek bask\u0131lar\u0131 ortadan kald\u0131rmakt\u0131r. Bunun i\u00e7in kendimizi sa\u011flam yeti\u015ftirmemiz, a\u00e7\u0131k fikirli olmam\u0131z gerekmekte. Globalle\u015fen d\u00fcnyan\u0131n (evet bir daha yapt\u0131m) daha ortak bir k\u00fclt\u00fcre sahip olaca\u011f\u0131 bizim yeti\u015fkinlik \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ve \u00e7evremizi bu bask\u0131ya maruz b\u0131rakmamak, onlar\u0131n beklentilerine sayg\u0131 duymak, \u015fu anki zaman zaman \u2018haks\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen\u2019 halimize bir borcumuzdur.<\/span><\/p>\n

YAZAR:<\/em>Berkay \u00c7AKMAK<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cPembe g\u00f6mlek mi? O\u011flum erkek adam pembe giyer mi?\u201d \u201cNe i\u015fin varm\u0131\u015f senin gecenin bir vakti alkoll\u00fc yerlerde?\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":965,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[258,17,257,12,211,19,93,259],"yoast_head":"\nNorm'al<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/normal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Norm'al\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" 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