{"id":6009,"date":"2025-10-16T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-10-16T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=6009"},"modified":"2025-10-15T23:50:33","modified_gmt":"2025-10-15T20:50:33","slug":"20-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/20-2","title":{"rendered":"20"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Kervan\u0131ndan m\u0131d\u0131r bu tela\u015f\u0131m yoksa d\u00fczemedi\u011fim yolundan m\u0131? Olduramad\u0131klar\u0131mdan m\u0131d\u0131r keyifsizli\u011fim yoksa olacak gibi olup olmayanlardan m\u0131? Ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131klar\u0131m yeti\u015femedi\u011fimden mi yoksa hi\u00e7 u\u011framamam gerekti\u011finden mi? Sesimi ba\u015fkalar\u0131 duyuyor mu yoksa kendi ba\u015f\u0131ma m\u0131y\u0131m? G\u00f6lgesini hi\u00e7 esirgemeyen kayg\u0131m ve \u00e7elmesini hi\u00e7 esirgemeyen hayat\u0131m yirmilerde kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya. Bilirim muhakkak bir baltan\u0131n sap\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131md\u0131r da bu hangi balta? Nerenin baltas\u0131?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/strong>Yapmaktan keyif ald\u0131klar\u0131m, hobilerim ve u\u011fra\u015flar\u0131m\u2026 Bana fanili\u011fimi unutturan, bir toz tanesi oldu\u011fumu hat\u0131rlatan can\u0131m sanat. Bana ilerde bir \u00e7at\u0131 sa\u011flayacaklar m\u0131? Ruhumu doyuracak ama karn\u0131m raz\u0131 gelecek mi buna ya da kollar\u0131mda bir alt\u0131n bilezik olamad\u0131klar\u0131ndan tatmin edecekler mi beni bu ansiklopedilerin yar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 kulvarlarda? G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda, cevap almay\u0131 umursamadan ama nihayetinde her bir soruyu bir y\u00fck gibi s\u0131rtlay\u0131p d\u00fczmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum kervan\u0131m\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bana i\u015fe yar\u0131yormu\u015fum, bir sebebim varm\u0131\u015f gibi hissettiren akademi\u2026 Dirsek \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm masalar, alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izdi\u011fim sat\u0131rlar, defalarca dinledi\u011fim konular\u2026 Uykusuz gecelerimin sabah\u0131 istedi\u011fim g\u00fcne\u015fe \u00e7\u0131karacak m\u0131 beni? Hadi \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 diyelim, kavrulacak m\u0131y\u0131m o g\u00fcne\u015fte yoksa g\u00fcne\u015flenecek miyim? Emeklerimin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 alacak m\u0131y\u0131m yoksa kar\u0131n toklu\u011funa raz\u0131 m\u0131 gelece\u011fim? Hadi geldim diyelim, ruhum raz\u0131 gelecek mi buna? Alt\u0131n bileziklerle dolu olan kollar\u0131m sanat\u0131 sanat i\u00e7in yapabilecek mi hala daha? G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda, cevap almay\u0131 umursamadan ama nihayetinde her bir soruyu bir y\u00fck gibi s\u0131rtlay\u0131p d\u00fczmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum kervan\u0131m\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki de her bir soruyu bir y\u00fck gibi s\u0131rtlanmam gerekiyordur. Belki de y\u00fcklerim yaln\u0131zca a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131k olmuyorlar, ilham da oluyorlard\u0131r. Belki de g\u00f6lgesini hi\u00e7 esirgemedi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm kayg\u0131m, beni diri tutuyordur. Her d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde beni ayakland\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 fark ettirmiyor yaln\u0131zca tela\u015f olarak kendini g\u00f6steriyordur. Belki de g\u00f6lge sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m kayg\u0131m, ensemde bir soluk suretiyle beliren hayallerimdir ve hi\u00e7 pe\u015fimi b\u0131rakm\u0131yordur. Belki de kendini g\u00f6steren tela\u015f, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmd\u00fcr ve bana her seferinde pes etmemem gerekti\u011fini f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yordur. \u00c7elmesini hi\u00e7 esirgemedi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm hayat\u0131m… Belki de \u00e7elmeler h\u0131zl\u0131 akan kan\u0131m\u0131 yava\u015flatmak, beni olas\u0131 bir p\u0131ht\u0131la\u015fmadan korumak i\u00e7indir. D\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yerler asl\u0131nda durmam gereken yerlerdir ve belki de yaln\u0131zca soluklanmam gerekiyordur. \u00c7elmenin sebebiyet verdi\u011fi ve ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yollara belki de hi\u00e7 u\u011framamam gerekiyordur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda bilirim ki benim de sesimi birileri duyacakt\u0131r. Bilirim ki muhakkak bir baltaya sap olaca\u011f\u0131md\u0131r ama bilemem kim duyacak sesimi, bu balta nerenin baltas\u0131? Belki \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k belki kahkaha ataca\u011f\u0131m. Belki me\u015feden bir balta bekliyordur beni, belki yanmaya y\u00fcz tutmu\u015f bir \u00e7\u0131ra. En nihayetinde tela\u015f\u0131m yan\u0131mda, y\u00fcklerim s\u0131rt\u0131mda, d\u00fczece\u011fim kervan\u0131m ise yolumda\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eslem Uyar <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“G\u00f6lgesini hi\u00e7 esirgemeyen kayg\u0131m ve \u00e7elmesini hi\u00e7 esirgemeyen hayat\u0131m yirmilerde kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya. Bilirim muhakkak bir baltan\u0131n sap\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131md\u0131r da bu hangi balta? Nerenin baltas\u0131?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6010,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n20 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/20-2\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"20 | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/20-2\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Ak\u0131l 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