(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k 3 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bir ak\u015fam \u00fczeri, i\u00e7imi \u0131s\u0131tan g\u00fcne\u015fi kederin so\u011fuklu\u011fuyla bat\u0131rd\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerimi g\u00f6rkemli karanl\u0131\u011fa kapad\u0131m ve y\u0131llar \u00f6ncesinin da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6lgelerine dald\u0131m. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumun ge\u00e7ti\u011fi odalar\u0131, yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f konu\u015fmalar\u0131, belki hi\u00e7 dilenmemi\u015f \u00f6z\u00fcrleri ve yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f sat\u0131rlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. G\u0131c\u0131rdayan kap\u0131n\u0131n sesi h\u00e2l\u00e2 kula\u011f\u0131mda \u00e7\u0131nl\u0131yordu; masaya konmu\u015f \u00e7i\u00e7ek solmaya y\u00fcz tutmu\u015f, unutulmu\u015f defter ise yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f c\u00fcmlelerinden bana bak\u0131yordu. Anlad\u0131m ki her zaman bir iz vard\u0131: Unutulmu\u015f s\u00f6zler, kurutulmu\u015f \u00e7i\u00e7ekler, yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f muhabbetler… Her biri i\u00e7imde, zaman\u0131n silemedi\u011fi bir k\u00f6\u015fede saklanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sessizlikle kar\u0131\u015fan denizin k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda, dalgalar\u0131n yorgunlu\u011fu \u00fczerine sinmi\u015f bir bankta, uzunca oturdum. G\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc yava\u015f\u00e7a siyaha boyan\u0131rken g\u00fcn\u00fcn son rengi, suda yank\u0131lan\u0131yordu. Dalgalar\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131ya vuran sesi, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimin aras\u0131na kar\u0131\u015f\u0131yor, so\u011fuyan havayla birlikte i\u00e7imde bir \u00fcrperti beliriyordu. Bilemedim, ekimin tan\u0131d\u0131k r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131 m\u0131yd\u0131 i\u00e7ime i\u015fleyen, an\u0131lar\u0131n tozlu sokaklar\u0131nda yank\u0131lanan ad\u0131mlar\u0131m m\u0131? Bildi\u011fim bir \u015fey vard\u0131. Bekleyi\u015fim sona erdi; hen\u00fcz y\u00fcr\u00fcmedi\u011fim sokaklarda hikayeler bekler beni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kalkmadan evvel, belki de son kez, bank\u0131n isim kaz\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f tahtalar\u0131na ve hat\u0131ralar\u0131n dokundu\u011fu pasl\u0131 demir kollar\u0131na uzunca bakt\u0131m. Buras\u0131, bir zamanlar payla\u015f\u0131lan kahkahalar\u0131n ve yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n izlerini ta\u015f\u0131yordu. \u015eimdi, derin bir sessizli\u011fe b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f bu yeri, \u00fczerine sonbahar\u0131n izi d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f yapraklarla nas\u0131l b\u0131rak\u0131r insan? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Duraklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hissettim. Belki de en zor vedam\u0131z, sessizli\u011fe ve zamana oland\u0131r. Soruyorum kendime: Neden zamandan s\u00fcz\u00fclen her an\u0131y\u0131, kalbimizin yorgun k\u00f6\u015fesinde ya\u015fatmaya bu denli hevesliyiz? Anl\u0131yorum, kimi zaman b\u00f6yleyiz; biraz hat\u0131ralarda saklanmay\u0131, cebimizde an\u0131lar ta\u015f\u0131may\u0131 severiz. Defalarca arkam\u0131za bakar, t\u00f6kezledik\u00e7e \u015fimdide bir lanet arar ve ge\u00e7mi\u015fin kimsesiz, puslu caddelerinde oyalan\u0131r\u0131z. Bazen, gelmeyecek olana dair bir umutla ge\u00e7mi\u015fin bozulmu\u015f kald\u0131r\u0131mlar\u0131na y\u0131\u011f\u0131l\u0131r\u0131z. Ne sokaklar\u0131 s\u00fcp\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f ne de evlerine yeni boyalar s\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f; \u015fimdi oras\u0131, zaman\u0131n u\u011framad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir sessizli\u011fe b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00d6yle yapt\u0131m. Son bir kez daha etrafa bakt\u0131m. Soka\u011fa teslim etti\u011fim ayaklar\u0131m, beni ta\u015f\u0131maktan acizdi. Hemen att\u0131\u011f\u0131m birka\u00e7 ad\u0131mda zorland\u0131m. B\u00fck\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f boynumu g\u00f6\u011fe kald\u0131rd\u0131m. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 tenime dokunan ay, sessizli\u011fimi dinler gibiydi; i\u00e7imdeki bo\u015fluktan t\u00fcm bu gitme tela\u015f\u0131ma e\u015flik eden tek tan\u0131k gibi… Belki de karanl\u0131k g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131k bulma fikri durdurdu beni. O vakit, \u00e7ok ge\u00e7meden bir koku ta\u015f\u0131nd\u0131 burnuma. Uzaklardan, sevdi\u011fim bir g\u00fcnden, sevdi\u011fim birinden kalma… <\/p>\n\n\n\n