{"id":5109,"date":"2024-03-26T16:16:28","date_gmt":"2024-03-26T13:16:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=5109"},"modified":"2024-03-23T14:18:35","modified_gmt":"2024-03-23T11:18:35","slug":"yasam-agaci","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/yasam-agaci","title":{"rendered":"Ya\u015fam A\u011fac\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 4 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Her zamanki kafede, ayn\u0131 manzaraya bakan ve hep rengarenk yast\u0131klarla sar\u0131l\u0131 mavi koltu\u011fumda elimdeki ayn\u0131 kahveyle oturuyorum. Elbette tek de\u011fi\u015fken, yine d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim. Gitti\u011fim kafe, oturdu\u011fum koltuk ve i\u00e7ti\u011fim kahve, hatta yap\u0131l\u0131 olan sa\u00e7\u0131m bile ayn\u0131yken zihnimdeki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim asla ayn\u0131 kalam\u0131yor. Benzerlikler i\u00e7inde sarmala d\u00fc\u015fen mideme bulant\u0131 hissi g\u00f6nderen ayn\u0131 ojeli t\u0131rnaklar\u0131m\u0131 yemekten mahveden ah o d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim!<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu ay yeti\u015ftiremedi\u011fim yaz\u0131m da elbette d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim aras\u0131nda ama onu zihnimin tozlu raflar\u0131na at\u0131p ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f yolumu farkl\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelere s\u0131\u011f\u0131narak buluyorum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Temel inan\u00e7lar, ara inan\u00e7lar ve otomatik d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler beni ayn\u0131 koltu\u011fa m\u0131hlay\u0131p ayn\u0131 ojeyi s\u00fcrmeye iterken bu sefer ayn\u0131 manzara yerine farkl\u0131 bir yere bakmay\u0131 se\u00e7iyorum. O da benim gibi her zamanki yerinde olan tuhaf ya\u015fl\u0131 adam\u2026 Yan tarafta oturan arkada\u015f\u0131m da onun hakk\u0131nda birka\u00e7 kelime sarf ediyor; zihnim onu dinleyemeyecek kadar me\u015fgul. Sadece o ya\u015fl\u0131 adama odaklan\u0131yorum. Y\u0131rt\u0131k p\u0131rt\u0131k i\u00e7inde eski bir asker \u00fcniformas\u0131yla ba\u011fda\u015f kurmu\u015f mahallenin en ya\u015fl\u0131 ve kocaman a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n dibinde oturuyor. Orada s\u00fcrekli oturuyor hem de geceleyin y\u0131ld\u0131zlar g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne sahiplik ederken oturuyor; g\u00fcne\u015f \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor ve g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc bile de\u011fi\u015firken o a\u011fac\u0131 terk etmiyor. \u0130klimler de\u011fi\u015fiyor ama o hep a\u011fac\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda onun koruyucusu olarak bulunuyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Herkes \u201cdeli\u201d diyor onun i\u00e7in \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kendisini bir a\u011fa\u00e7 zannediyor. K\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6zleriyle g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc izleyen bu adam\u0131n hep derin bir hikayesi oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmd\u00fcr fakat hi\u00e7bir zaman yan\u0131na yakla\u015facak cesareti kendimde bulam\u0131yordum. \u015eimdiye dek\u2026 \u015eimdi karn\u0131mdaki kar\u0131ncalanma hissi yerini meraka b\u0131rak\u0131yor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ayn\u0131 manzaram olan sol taraftaki ormana bakmak yerine ona bakarak uzun zaman sonra kendi d\u00f6ng\u00fcm\u00fc k\u0131r\u0131yorum. Arkada\u015f\u0131m yan\u0131mdan ayr\u0131l\u0131rken bile oda\u011f\u0131m onda. So\u011fuk kahvemi bitirip kafeden ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131mda ad\u0131mlar\u0131m tedirgin, onu rahats\u0131z etmekten korkuyorum. Ama i\u00e7imden say\u0131kl\u0131yorum: <\/span>L\u00fctfen bana yazmaya de\u011fecek bir hikaye ver.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Onun yan\u0131na oturup kafam\u0131 a\u011fac\u0131n g\u00f6vdesine yaslad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda bile istifini bozmuyor. Heykel gibi dururken y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc inceledi\u011fimde yara izlerini fark ediyorum. Belki de asker ge\u00e7mi\u015fi oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in bu kadar yara izine sahiptir. Mahalledeki kimse onun hakk\u0131nda bir \u015fey bilmiyor; konu\u015fmay\u0131 deneyen herkesi g\u00f6rmezden geliyor ve a\u011fac\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131ndaki n\u00f6betine devam ediyor bir gardiyan gibi. <\/span>A\u011fac\u0131 m\u0131 insanlardan koruyor yoksa kendini mi insanlardan koruyup a\u011faca saklan\u0131yor? Bilmiyorum. Belki de her ikisidir, insanlar s\u00f6z konusu oldu\u011funda her ikisi de her zaman ge\u00e7erli; biz nefes alan her \u015feye a\u011f\u0131r zararlar veren kocaman kara bulutlar\u0131z. Hatta bazen nefes almas\u0131 bile gerekmiyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

O \u00e2n \u00f6\u011flen g\u00fcne\u015finin e\u015fli\u011finde a\u011fac\u0131n dallarla kavu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 izlerken ben de onu izliyorum. Bedeni \u00e7ok \u00e7elimsiz, uzun zamand\u0131r d\u00fczenli beslenmiyor gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor. Asker \u00fcniformas\u0131 sanki b\u00fcy\u00fck bir sava\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 bembeyaz duruyor sanki kafas\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne kar ya\u011fm\u0131\u015f gibi ve kirli; karman \u00e7orman olmu\u015f. O \u00e2nda,\u00a0 kocaman a\u011fac\u0131n uzun dallar\u0131yla sa\u00e7lar\u0131 sanki birbirine kar\u0131\u015f\u0131yor ve paralelli\u011fi izlerken t\u00fcylerim \u00fcrperiyor. A\u011fa\u00e7la bir insan\u0131n bu kadar benzer olmas\u0131 zihnimin bir oyununu olu\u015fturuyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNeden burada bekliyorsun?\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yorum zihnimin oyununa d\u00fc\u015fmekten kurtularak. G\u00f6zlerini dikti\u011fi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnden bir an bile \u00e7ekmeden beni bir ba\u015fka soruyla cevapl\u0131yor. \u201cSen neden burada bekliyorsun?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSenin hikayeni merak ediyorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.\u201d Ellerimi omuzlar\u0131ma sararken onun gibi ben de bulutlu g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bak\u0131yorum. A\u011fac\u0131n dallar\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcyle birle\u015fip bana bir renk c\u00fcmb\u00fc\u015f\u00fc \u015f\u00f6leni sunuyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBenim bir hikayem yok.\u201d Herkese verdi\u011fi yan\u0131t\u0131 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131mda \u00e7ekip gitmem gerekirdi ama onunla oturmaya devam ediyorum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHerkesin bir hikayesi vard\u0131r.\u201d Bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 titrerken yine de bana bakm\u0131yor; onun oda\u011f\u0131 sanki do\u011fdu\u011fu ilk \u00e2ndan beri o g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc. Saatlerce orada \u00f6ylece hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmadan bekliyorum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSenin hikayen ne o zaman?\u201d Zihnimin hayaletleri bana do\u011fru \u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrken kendimi kapan k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f hissediyorum. Mavi g\u00f6zler g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnden ilk kez bana d\u00f6n\u00fcyor. Yakalanm\u0131\u015f gibi hissediyorum; y\u0131llar boyunca herkesin hikayesini yazan bir yazar oldum. Fakat kimse benim hikayemi sormam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bu ilk kez ba\u015f\u0131ma geliyor. \u201cBen bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131y\u0131m.\u201d diyor. \u201cA\u011fa\u00e7lar konu\u015famaz, sadece dinler; ben de sadece dinliyorum. Bazen ku\u015flar\u0131n sesini bazen arabalar\u0131n \u00e7ok az da insanlar\u0131n.\u201d G\u00f6zlerini tekrar g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7ekerken ben de ilk kez kendi hikayemi t\u00fcm mahallenin \u201cdeli\u201d olarak etiketledi\u011fi bu ya\u015fl\u0131 adama anlat\u0131yorum. Tuhaf bir \u015fekilde onun orada ger\u00e7ekten bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131 oldu\u011funa inan\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc beni kimse b\u00f6yle dinlemedi; insanlar de\u011fil ama a\u011fa\u00e7lar dinleyebilir\u2026 Ger\u00e7ek olamaz gibi geliyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A\u011flayarak hikayemi bitirirken aya\u011fa kalk\u0131yorum. Zihnim kendisiyle \u00e7eli\u015fiyor; ger\u00e7ekli\u011fini yitiren bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorum. Bu ya\u015fl\u0131 adama minnetarl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6stermek i\u00e7in kahve almak i\u00e7in kar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7iyorum. Kahveyi sat\u0131n al\u0131rken arkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde a\u011fac\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda onu g\u00f6remiyorum. Bir y\u0131ld\u0131r her zamanki yerinden bir dakika bile k\u0131p\u0131rdamayan adam art\u0131k yok\u2026 Oradakilerine onu sorarken daha da girdab\u0131n i\u00e7ine giriyorum. Midemdeki bulant\u0131 tekrar kendini belli ediyor \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc herkes o a\u011fac\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir zaman o adam olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Zihnimin i\u00e7indeki bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler\u2026 Kahve barda\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcrken her zamanki masama do\u011fru ilerliyorum. Sandalyeye oturdu\u011fumda her \u015fey kesinle\u015fiyor. Masadaki da\u011f\u0131n\u0131k ilhams\u0131z ka\u011f\u0131tlardan birini al\u0131p ilk kez m\u00fcrekkep damlat\u0131yorum. Art\u0131k hikayemin bir ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 var:<\/span>\u201cYa\u015fam A\u011fac\u0131\u201d<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBen bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131y\u0131m.\u201d G\u00fcl\u00fcmserken a\u011fz\u0131mdan bu kelimeler d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyor. Ve do\u011fdu\u011fu andan beri ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n hikayesinde ilham arayan o k\u0131z, ilk kez kendi zihninden ge\u00e7en ya\u015fam hikayesini yaz\u0131yor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131y\u0131m, hem o ya\u015fl\u0131 adam\u0131m hem de de\u011filim; zihnimin i\u00e7indeki birka\u00e7 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131vr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceden ibaretim. Yine de a\u011fac\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131kan dallar\u0131m g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne ula\u015f\u0131yor ve ya\u015fam benim i\u00e7in tekrar ba\u015fl\u0131yor.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazar: Ay\u015feg\u00fcl \u00c7\u0131kr\u0131kc\u0131<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: https:\/\/tr.pinterest.com\/pin\/611222980705835449\/<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben bir ya\u015fam a\u011fac\u0131y\u0131m, hem o ya\u015fl\u0131 adam\u0131m hem de de\u011filim; zihnimin i\u00e7indeki birka\u00e7 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131vr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceden ibaretim. Yine de a\u011fac\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131kan dallar\u0131m g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne ula\u015f\u0131yor ve ya\u015fam benim i\u00e7in tekrar ba\u015fl\u0131yor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":80,"featured_media":5110,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nYa\u015fam A\u011fac\u0131 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/yasam-agaci\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ya\u015fam A\u011fac\u0131 | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/yasam-agaci\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/tpocg\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-03-26T13:16:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-03-23T11:18:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Yasam-Agaci-Aysegul-Cikrikci.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"564\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"705\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Aysegul C\u0131kr\u0131kc\u0131\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@tpocg\" \/>\n<meta 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