{"id":4834,"date":"2023-10-19T18:00:47","date_gmt":"2023-10-19T15:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=4834"},"modified":"2023-10-17T12:21:14","modified_gmt":"2023-10-17T09:21:14","slug":"baliklar-ve-kuslar-bir-de-sen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/baliklar-ve-kuslar-bir-de-sen","title":{"rendered":"Bal\u0131klar ve Ku\u015flar, Bir de Sen"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 4 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cD\u00fc\u015flerimi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne b\u0131rakt\u0131m\u2026\u201d dedi y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f deri koltu\u011fun \u00fcst\u00fcnde \u00f6ylece uzan\u0131yorken. \u201c\u015eimdi ise yapayaln\u0131z hissediyorum.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir ate\u015f yakt\u0131, havaland\u0131 bulutlar\u0131n d\u00fc\u015flerini saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde. O kavu\u015famad\u0131 fakat hayalleri kavu\u015ftu \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne. B\u0131rakt\u0131, di\u011fer d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler ve ucu nereye gitti\u011fi belli olmayan hayat\u0131n belirsizlikleri onlar\u0131 kirletmesin diye. B\u0131rakt\u0131 ve oraya \u00e2it olmasa da koca g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc kendisine \u00e2it hissetti.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ruhu her daim sonsuz gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnen derin bir okyanusun tam ortas\u0131nda s\u0131rt\u00fcst\u00fc duruyor; r\u00fczg\u00e2r estik\u00e7e dalgalar, hareketsiz bedenini oradan oraya s\u00fcr\u00fckl\u00fcyordu. Ne vakit bir his ruhuna dokunup ge\u00e7se sanki k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir su damlas\u0131 o okyanusa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor; \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inden yank\u0131lanan damla sesi, t\u00fcm zihnini dalgaland\u0131r\u0131yordu. S\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc derinliklerde g\u00f6k nedir bilmeyen bal\u0131klar bir hayat ya\u015f\u0131yorken g\u00f6zlerini \u00e7evirdi\u011fi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcndeki ku\u015flar, bulutlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda \u00f6zg\u00fcrce s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyordu. O ise ne tarafa \u00e2it oldu\u011funu bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc bulam\u0131yordu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Oldu\u011fu yere s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f y\u00fcre\u011finde biriken ya\u015fant\u0131lar\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile her \u00e2n sular\u0131n derinliklerine bataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu. En son ya\u015fayabilmek u\u011fruna \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131narak kurtulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsa da oradan, her ge\u00e7en saniye daha da a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya \u00e7ekildi\u011fini fark etti\u011finde b\u0131rakt\u0131; ya\u015famay\u0131 da \u00e7abalamay\u0131 da\u2026 Ne bal\u0131klarla beraber kendisini okyanusa \u00e2it olabilecek kadar hayallerinden uzak ne de g\u00f6kteki ku\u015flarla u\u00e7abilecek kadar \u00f6zg\u00fcr hissediyordu. Zamandan ve hayattan ba\u011flar\u0131n\u0131 kopard\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te, sular\u0131n ortas\u0131nda \u00f6ylece hayallerini seyretmeyi \u00f6\u011frendi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cArt\u0131k hayata tutunmak, okyanusun dibinde nefes almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak gibi geliyor.\u201d dedi sessizce.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i>\u201cO h\u00e2lde bal\u0131k ol!\u201d dedi yan\u0131nda duran adam. \u201cOnlar okyanusa hapsolmu\u015f gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnseler de kendi g\u00f6klerinde \u00f6zg\u00fcrler.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAma ben bulutlar\u0131 merak ediyorum.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Damlayan hisler art\u0131k ruhunu buland\u0131r\u0131yor, duygular g\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e daha da yabanc\u0131la\u015f\u0131yordu bedenine. Bazen kalbinin \u00e7atlaklarla dolu bir kayay\u0131 and\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnse de g\u00f6\u011f\u00fc izledi\u011fi m\u00fcddet\u00e7e asl\u0131nda y\u00fcre\u011finin t\u0131pk\u0131 bir okyanus gibi oldu\u011funu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Onun kadar derin, so\u011fuk ve karanl\u0131k\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cD\u00fc\u015flerinin g\u00f6kte olmas\u0131, senin oraya ait oldu\u011fun anlam\u0131na gelmiyor.\u201d dedi yan\u0131ndaki. \u201cG\u00f6\u011fe ula\u015fmak istiyorsan \u00f6nce okyanusun dibinde nefes almay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmen gerekiyor.\u201d Fakat okyanusu and\u0131ran y\u00fcre\u011finde kayboldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hayat\u0131, sular\u0131n alt\u0131nda nefes almay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmesini engelliyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ne zaman bulutlara baksa ku\u015f gibi olmak istemi\u015fti. Derin sular\u0131n karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kaybolmak mecburiyetinde kalmadan r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131 kanatlar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda hissedebilir ve ayaklar\u0131 istedi\u011fi \u00e2n yere basabilirdi. \u00d6yle ki g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde as\u0131l\u0131 duran hayallerinden birisi de kanat \u00e7\u0131rpmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmekti fakat daha onlara ula\u015fmakta dahi zorluk \u00e7ekiyorken nas\u0131l ger\u00e7ek olmas\u0131n\u0131 bekleyebilirdi? G\u00f6zleri, d\u00fc\u015flerine yuva olmu\u015f o mavi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde, bulutlarda oldu\u011fu \u00e2n, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun sesi yank\u0131land\u0131 kulaklar\u0131nda:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cD\u00fc\u015flerini s\u0131k\u0131ca tut kollar\u0131nda, asla b\u0131rakma onlar\u0131\u2026 Olur mu?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Bu sefer ruhuna dokunan his, okyanusa ufak su damlas\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmek yerine ruhunun b\u00fcy\u00fck dalgalar\u0131n alt\u0131nda kalmas\u0131na neden oldu; sars\u0131ld\u0131 birdenbire. Sakinlikle s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc su y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6yle bir alt \u00fcst oldu ki hayat\u0131n\u0131n o karanl\u0131k sular\u0131n derinlerinde sonlanaca\u011f\u0131na inand\u0131. Fakat sular\u0131n alt\u0131na hapsoldu\u011fu \u00e2n okyanusun dibinde nefes almay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmek zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e2nd\u0131. Son nefesini i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekmeye haz\u0131rland\u0131\u011f\u0131nda soludu\u011fu so\u011fuk hava, ayn\u0131 nefesi seslice ci\u011ferlerinden d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya vermesine ve g\u00f6zlerini korkuyla a\u00e7mas\u0131na neden oldu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ger\u00e7ekli\u011fe uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131 vakit, \u00fczerinde s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc sular\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissederken i\u00e7ine yeniden derin bir nefes \u00e7ekti ve yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerden s\u0131\u00e7rad\u0131. H\u0131zla bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 etraf\u0131nda gezdirdi sesini i\u015fitti\u011fi \u00e7ocu\u011fu g\u00f6rmek ad\u0131na fakat da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ka\u011f\u0131tlar ve aralar\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f bir iki kalem d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktu. Sonras\u0131nda konu\u015fan adam\u0131 arad\u0131 g\u00f6zleri l\u00e2kin sanki hi\u00e7 var olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 \u00f6yle birisi. Y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f koltuktan kalkt\u0131 sarsak ad\u0131mlarla, sert parkelerin \u00fczerinde ilerleyerek g\u0131c\u0131rdayan kap\u0131y\u0131 aralad\u0131\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAsla b\u0131rakma, olur mu? Ya sen g\u00f6\u011fe \u00e7\u0131k ya da onlar\u0131 kendinle var etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde. Ama onlar\u0131 asla yaln\u0131z b\u0131rakma.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Okyanusun kaplad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e2n d\u00fc\u015fleriyle doldu ruhu. Ve bu defa onlar\u0131 yaln\u0131z b\u0131rakmak yerine hepsini kendisiyle \u00f6zg\u00fcr k\u0131labilmek ad\u0131na y\u00fcre\u011finde saklad\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yazar: Beyza Dilara Me\u015feci<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: Lily Greenwood – Midnight Koi Art Print<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cArt\u0131k hayata tutunmak, okyanusun dibinde nefes almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak gibi geliyor.\u201d dedi sessizce.
\n \u201cO h\u00e2lde bal\u0131k ol!\u201d dedi yan\u0131nda duran adam. \u201cOnlar okyanusa hapsolmu\u015f gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnseler de kendi g\u00f6klerinde \u00f6zg\u00fcrler.\u201d
\n\u201cAma ben bulutlar\u0131 merak ediyorum.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":4835,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nBal\u0131klar ve Ku\u015flar, Bir de Sen | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/baliklar-ve-kuslar-bir-de-sen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bal\u0131klar ve Ku\u015flar, Bir de Sen | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta 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