(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak 3 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u0131z\u0131l bir g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn karanl\u0131\u011fa b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc anlardan tutun da \u015fafa\u011f\u0131n s\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc saatlere kadar, korkusuz korkaklar\u0131n sokaklar\u0131 ad\u0131mlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kalabal\u0131klar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan tutun da \u00fcrpertici yaln\u0131zl\u0131klar\u0131n ad\u0131m ba\u015f\u0131 n\u00f6bet tuttu\u011fu o buz gibi tekilliklerde, i\u00e7imdeki o minik k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011funu ar\u0131yordum, ellerinden s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 tutmak i\u00e7in. \u00d6yle bir aramakt\u0131 ki bu, adeta bulamamak d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7inde ince bir s\u0131z\u0131 kabuk ba\u011flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131mda, \u00e7aresizlikten beslenircesine, ars\u0131zca g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu da bir yandan bana. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m her bir kay\u0131p girdab\u0131nda pusulam\u0131 kaybetmi\u015ftim, evet. \u00d6yle bir kaybetmek ki, \u2018ya\u015famay\u0131 nefes almak\u2019 zannettirenlere inanmak \u00fczere olan bir ruhtum adeta, benli\u011fimle aramdaki beceriksiz dili peki\u015ftirmek istercesine\u2026 Fuzuli s\u00fck\u00fbnetin avu\u00e7lar\u0131na b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m kendimi, devinimsel bir yan\u0131lg\u0131n\u0131n tam ortas\u0131nda m\u0131h gibi \u00e7ak\u0131l\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015f bir ruhtum adeta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ya\u015famak olgusundan bihaber olmu\u015flu\u011fumla bu \u0131st\u0131rapl\u0131 yolculukta zihnimin odalar\u0131n\u0131 ad\u0131mlarken, ars\u0131z karanl\u0131\u011fa meydan okurcas\u0131na bir p\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131 g\u00f6z k\u0131rpt\u0131 bana, \u00f6yle bir p\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131yd\u0131 ki bu, ke\u015fke dedirtti bana, \u201cke\u015fke onun sonsuz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fayabilsem, vuslat\u0131n en y\u00fccesiyle.\u201d Bir ses f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131 o esnada bana, \u201cSonsuz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m, yepyeni yollar\u0131 ke\u015ffetmekte sana yolda\u015f\u0131n olmak yerine seni esir eden bir zindan olacaksa, bahar\u0131 nas\u0131l hissedeceksin iliklerinde, bi\u00e7are olmakla olan sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l ilmek ilmek i\u015fleyeceksin ser\u00fcvenine?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bilmece i\u00e7indeki o e\u015fsiz \u00e7eli\u015fkiyi \u00e7\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm, i\u00e7imdeki o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fuydu bu par\u0131lt\u0131. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlerin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc, bi\u00e7are olmalar\u0131 \u00e7aresiz b\u0131rakacak o bahar\u0131n geli\u015fiydi. \u00d6yle bir bahard\u0131 ki bu, esmer bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 pusula olarak tutu\u015fturuyordu elime \u201cKaranl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ard\u0131ndaki ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131, z\u0131tlar\u0131n d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmsel \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 ke\u015ffederek y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc bir kez de olsun kendine d\u00f6n.\u201d dercesine. \u00d6yle bir bahard\u0131 ki bu \u201cBa\u015fka sen yok bu y\u00fczden ka\u00e7ma sessizli\u011fin de bir dilinin oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011freten o ezgilerden.\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ldayarak merhem oluyordu, y\u0131llard\u0131r ya\u015fam\u0131mdaki b\u00fct\u00fcn ipleri kontrol etmekten ellerimde a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olan yaralara.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bahar benim e\u015fsiz m\u00fccadelemdi, kalabal\u0131klar\u0131n i\u00e7inde bana nefes ald\u0131ran o tekilli\u011fimdi, bahar benim \u2018a\u015fk yerine sevilmemi\u015fliklerime tutundu\u011fum i\u00e7in\u2019 kendimden diledi\u011fim b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcrlerdi ve en \u00e7ok da bahar m\u00fctevaz\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131\u015flar\u0131ma \u201cdur\u201d diyen ve i\u00e7imdeki \u00e7ocu\u011fu bana yans\u0131tan berrak aynamd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yazar: Ceren Yak\u0131c\u0131<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
bahar benim \u2018a\u015fk yerine sevilmemi\u015fliklerime tutundu\u011fum i\u00e7in\u2019 kendimden diledi\u011fim b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcrlerdi ve en \u00e7ok da bahar m\u00fctevaz\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131\u015flar\u0131ma \u201cdur\u201d diyen ve i\u00e7imdeki \u00e7ocu\u011fu bana yans\u0131tan berrak aynamd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":4498,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n