{"id":4259,"date":"2022-10-27T19:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-27T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=4259"},"modified":"2022-10-26T17:07:59","modified_gmt":"2022-10-26T14:07:59","slug":"veda-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/veda-2","title":{"rendered":"Veda"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k 2 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Onu \u00fczerinden atmak istercesine rahats\u0131z eden yataktan do\u011fruldu, so\u011fuktan morarm\u0131\u015f ayaklar\u0131na bakt\u0131, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 terliklerini giyip banyoya do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. G\u00f6receklerinin \u00fcrk\u00fct\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc bildi\u011finden aynaya bakmaktan ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131yordu. Muslu\u011fu a\u00e7\u0131p suyun ak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 seyretti. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler de zihninden b\u00f6ylesine kolayl\u0131kla ak\u0131p gitseydi ke\u015fke. Ama onlar bir zamk inat\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla yap\u0131\u015f\u0131p kalmay\u0131 tercih ediyorlard\u0131. Bir \u015feyden kurtulmak istercesine tela\u015fla y\u0131kad\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc. Huzursuzlu\u011fu devam ediyordu. Evin i\u00e7inde dolan\u0131p durmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. \u00d6nce salon, sonra mutfak, sonra tekrar salon. Bir labirentteydi sanki, \u00e7aresizce hareket edip \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131 bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsa da her seferinde ayn\u0131 duvarlara \u00e7arp\u0131p duruyordu. Bedeni gibi ruhu da s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 buraya. Kurtulmak istercesine bir h\u0131\u015f\u0131mla odas\u0131na do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. Zemin aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131ndan \u00e7ekiliyordu, sandalyenin \u00fcst\u00fcne y\u0131\u011f\u0131ld\u0131 adeta. Dama\u011f\u0131ndaki ac\u0131 tat keskinle\u015fti, bo\u011faz\u0131ndaki a\u011fr\u0131ysa \u015fiddetini art\u0131r\u0131yordu. G\u00f6zleri bir kalem aramaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Siyah deri kapl\u0131 defterinden bir sayfa kopard\u0131. Odadaki t\u00fcm havay\u0131 ci\u011ferlerine doldurmak niyetiyle derin bir nefes ald\u0131. \u00c7aresizli\u011fini daha fazla b\u00fcy\u00fctmek istemiyordu art\u0131k. Titreyen parmaklar\u0131 son bir g\u00fc\u00e7le kalemi tutuyordu. G\u00f6zlerinden ya\u015flar s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrken o \u00e7oktan karar\u0131n\u0131 vermi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018’Sevgili M…,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ruhumda anlam veremedi\u011fim sanc\u0131lar var. Yoksa de\u011fi\u015fimin ayak sesleri mi bunlar? Biliyor musun, a\u011flayabiliyorum sonunda. \u0130nsan\u0131n g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na hasret kalmas\u0131 ne kadar zormu\u015f! G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m ka\u011f\u0131da do\u011fru ak\u0131yor ve ben silmeye tenezz\u00fcl etmiyorum. A\u011flamak i\u00e7imdeki kur\u015fun gibi a\u011f\u0131r y\u00fck\u00fc hafifletir sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, yan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Y\u00fcre\u011fimde bir ate\u015f yan\u0131yor. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m bu ate\u015fi s\u00f6nd\u00fcrmek yerine birer kor misali sa\u00e7\u0131l\u0131p bu yang\u0131n\u0131 daha da b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcyor. Her \u015fey gittik\u00e7e karma\u015f\u0131k bir hal al\u0131yor. G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesim kalbime dar geliyor sanki. Sadece burada durup saatlerce a\u011flasam, a\u011flasam, a\u011flasam… G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m \u00fczerimdeki kiri, korkuyu, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc temizler mi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Darac\u0131k bir \u00e7emberin i\u00e7indeyim. Etraf\u0131mda d\u00f6n\u00fcyorum s\u00fcrekli ve ans\u0131z\u0131n yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorum. D\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yeri ellerimle geni\u015fletip bulundu\u011fum \u00e7ukuru derinle\u015ftiriyorum. Kazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu mezara hislerimi ve benli\u011fimi g\u00f6m\u00fcyorum. Kendi \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 duymamak i\u00e7in daha h\u0131zl\u0131 \u00f6rt\u00fcyorum \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fc toprakla. \u0130\u015fte tam da \u015fimdi o mezar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nday\u0131m. Kalk\u0131p gidemiyorum buradan. Gelip elimden tutman\u0131 bekliyorum. Neden? Neden hala beni kurtarman\u0131 bekliyorum? Neden kendime merhem olam\u0131yorum? Neden? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ellerimde, avu\u00e7lar\u0131mda hala toprak var. Silkelesem de y\u0131kasam da kurtulam\u0131yorum. Bu izler s\u00fcrekli beni \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor. Bense kulaklar\u0131m\u0131 itinayla kapat\u0131p yoluma devam etmeyi se\u00e7iyorum.  Bu kez i\u00e7imdeki zindana hapsetti\u011fim kad\u0131n demir parmakl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 sars\u0131yor b\u00fcy\u00fck bir h\u0131n\u00e7la. \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k at\u0131yor, onu kurtarmam\u0131 bekliyor. \u0130\u00e7imde can \u00e7eki\u015fen biri var. Ben ona susuyorum \u015fimdi, dudaklar\u0131m bir \u00e7\u00f6l kadar kuruyken benden esirgedi\u011fin sular\u0131n sesi \u00e7a\u011fl\u0131yor kulaklar\u0131mda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hal b\u00f6yleyken kendimin, hislerimin en b\u00fcy\u00fck d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 ben olmuyor muyum? Bile bile az\u0131l\u0131 bir d\u00fc\u015fmancas\u0131na y\u00fcre\u011fime zehirli oklar saplam\u0131yor muyum? Peki, ya sen? Yaralar\u0131mdan oluk oluk kan akarken ve ben b\u00f6ylesine peri\u015fan bir haldeyken ni\u00e7in ellerimden tutmuyorsun? \u0130nsan birici\u011finden intikam al\u0131r m\u0131 hi\u00e7 ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bilmiyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunca bilinmezlik ve ac\u0131yla ba\u015f edemiyorum.Y\u00fcre\u011fimdeki zehri ne ak\u0131tabiliyorum d\u0131\u015far\u0131 ne de \u00f6lebiliyorum sessizce. \u00c7o\u011fu kez soluk alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hissediyorum. Bir yan\u0131m beni eksik b\u0131rak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n hesab\u0131n\u0131 sormak iste\u011fiyle yan\u0131p tutu\u015fuyor. Dudaklar\u0131m\u0131 aralad\u0131\u011f\u0131mdaysa  yaln\u0131z bir ‘Ah!’ d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyor dilimden. \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 da kelimelerimi de sende t\u00fcketmi\u015fim ben. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ve art\u0131k mecalim kalmam\u0131\u015fken derdimi anlatmaya, avu\u00e7lar\u0131ma b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n son kelimeyle veda ediyorum sana :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u2018Ho\u015f\u00e7a kal…\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yazar: Aleyna Korkmazy\u00fcrek<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6rsel Kaynak: http:\/\/raflarinarasindan.blogspot.com\/2014\/07\/surrealist-ve-steampunk-christian-schloe.html?m=1<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sadece burada durup saatlerce a\u011flasam, a\u011flasam, a\u011flasam… G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m \u00fczerimdeki kiri, korkuyu, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc temizler mi?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":73,"featured_media":4260,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nVeda | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/veda-2\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Veda | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden 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