{"id":4002,"date":"2022-06-23T19:05:09","date_gmt":"2022-06-23T16:05:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=4002"},"modified":"2022-06-23T19:05:11","modified_gmt":"2022-06-23T16:05:11","slug":"hatirladigin-ilk-seyin-oncesi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/hatirladigin-ilk-seyin-oncesi","title":{"rendered":"HATIRLADI\u011eIN \u0130LK \u015eEY\u0130N \u00d6NCES\u0130"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k 4 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026-Mi\u015fli ge\u00e7mi\u015f \u00e7\u00f6ker \u00fcst\u00fcme<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130stesem de bug\u00fcn\u00fc hi\u00e7 ya\u015fayamam<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026\u0130stesem de d\u00fcn\u00fc sana ya\u015fatamam\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Redd- Sevmeden Ge\u00e7er Zaman)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Biliyor musun, bo\u015fluklar sonsuzlu\u011fu tekrar ele ge\u00e7irebilirler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Korkmu\u015ftun, biliyorum. Belki de hala korkuyorsun. Anlatt\u0131k\u00e7a eskitti\u011fin an\u0131lar\u0131ndan, bir g\u00fcn onlar\u0131 unutacak, en \u00e7ok da asla tekrar ya\u015fayamayacak olmandan. Bir g\u00fcn her \u015feyi b\u0131rak\u0131p gitmek isteyece\u011finden. Ama i\u015fte, sen bavul toplamay\u0131 sevmezsin. Bavulsuz da gidemezsin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kabuslar\u0131ndan uyanman \u00e7ok uzun s\u00fcrerdi. B\u00fct\u00fcn gece, sanki ate\u015fli bir hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n varm\u0131\u015f gibi k\u0131vran\u0131r, ger\u00e7ekli\u011fin dingin havas\u0131na g\u00f6zlerini a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131ndaysa hi\u00e7birini hat\u0131rlamazd\u0131n onlar\u0131n. O gece farkl\u0131yd\u0131. Uyu\u015fuk bir ac\u0131, sana uyanman\u0131 s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti. Kalkm\u0131\u015f ve hat\u0131rlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. Belki de en \u00e7ok unutmak istedi\u011fin ama hat\u0131ras\u0131ndan bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc vazge\u00e7emedi\u011fin o \u015feyi hat\u0131rlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. Sen uyan\u0131r uyanmaz varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir anda silinivermi\u015fti. Koca bir bo\u015fluktan ibaretti ev. Bo\u015fluklar, sonsuzlu\u011fu ele ge\u00e7irebilirdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zaman\u0131 \u00f6l\u00e7ecek bir \u015feyin var m\u0131yd\u0131? Sonsuz bir ak\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k. Bazen onun eskiden var oldu\u011funu, bazen de \u015fimdi yok oldu\u011funu unutmak gibi. S\u0131f\u0131r ve bir. \u0130kisi de zaman\u0131n g\u00f6relili\u011finde kazand\u0131klar\u0131, inan\u0131lmaz bo\u011fucu bir hisse sahipti. Ve bo\u011fulmak sonsuz bir \u015feydi. Ci\u011ferlerin sonsuza dek k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclen ama asla yok olmayan bir balon gibi, patlayaca\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fc hayal ediyordu. Peki bo\u011faz\u0131ndaki eller senin miydi, benim mi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6nceden kaybetti\u011fin bir \u015feyi tekrar bulmak i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00e7aba harcam\u0131\u015f, ama asla ayn\u0131 hissetmemi\u015ftin. Belki de as\u0131l korkman gereken buydu. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f, evrenlerin birinde hala ya\u015fan\u0131yordu, orada g\u00fczeldi, \u015fimdiye ait de\u011fildi. Ve sen, ne kadar aksini iddia etsen de ge\u00e7mi\u015fe de\u011fil; \u015fimdiye, tam \u015fu ana aittin. \u0130stedi\u011fin zaman an\u0131lar yaratabilirdin ve yutabilirdin. Hatta kusabilirdin de. \u0130\u015fte \u015fimdi ben bu yolda yaln\u0131z y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum. Ya da kafam\u0131n i\u00e7indeki senle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eve d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ya da kendime d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f, \u015fimdi, gelecek\u2026Hepsi yaln\u0131z bir kurgudan ibaretti. Sen ya\u015f\u0131yordun ve ben en \u00e7ok seni unutmak istiyordum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cKorkuyorum senden.\u201d demi\u015ftin.  \u201cAncak kendime yakla\u015fabildi\u011fim kadar yakla\u015fabilirim sana.\u201d Aram\u0131zda koca bir bo\u015fluk vard\u0131. Bu bir sondu, de\u011fil mi? Ben hep bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 ya da bir son istiyordum. Senin i\u00e7in ikisi de ayn\u0131 kap\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu. O \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015fta ben yoktum. Sen hi\u00e7 i\u00e7inde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u015fehrin i\u00e7inde yank\u0131lanan seslerini dinliyordun. Ben ise bu resitaldeki bir \u015fark\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131m. Aram\u0131zdaki bo\u015fluk giderek artt\u0131. Ve kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7arpma sesi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bo\u015fluklar, sonsuzlu\u011fu tekrar ele ge\u00e7irmi\u015fti. Ama i\u015fte, senin i\u00e7in ba\u015fka bir s\u0131r: Sonsuzluk bir yerde t\u00fckenebilir. Ben t\u00fckettim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yazar: <\/em>Hatice Ceren T\u0131r\u0131\u015f<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eve d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ya da kendime d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f, \u015fimdi, gelecek\u2026Hepsi yaln\u0131z bir kurgudan ibaretti. Sen ya\u015f\u0131yordun ve ben en \u00e7ok seni unutmak istiyordum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62,"featured_media":4003,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nHATIRLADI\u011eIN \u0130LK \u015eEY\u0130N \u00d6NCES\u0130 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/hatirladigin-ilk-seyin-oncesi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"HATIRLADI\u011eIN \u0130LK \u015eEY\u0130N \u00d6NCES\u0130 | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji 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