{"id":3143,"date":"2021-06-03T19:34:11","date_gmt":"2021-06-03T16:34:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=3143"},"modified":"2021-06-03T19:34:13","modified_gmt":"2021-06-03T16:34:13","slug":"kendini-unutmak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kendini-unutmak","title":{"rendered":"Kendini Unutmak"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k 3 dakikad\u0131r.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gece boyunca sinek v\u0131z\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131ndan uyuyamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Sabah, aynan\u0131n \u00fczerinde duran sine\u011fe bakarak. Duygusuz bir tav\u0131rla, bu muymu\u015f t\u00fcm gece beni uyutmayan diye m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131. \u0130steksiz bir \u015fekilde haz\u0131rland\u0131 ve evden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Ne akla hizmet kabul ettim bu bulu\u015fmaya gitmeyi diye kendi kendine hay\u0131fland\u0131, merdivenlerden inerken. Tahmin edebiliyordu ba\u015f\u0131na gelecekleri. Kim \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 \u015fimdi eski lise arkada\u015flar\u0131\u00a0 bulu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131. Kim \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, tam olarak bilmiyordu ama hayat\u0131yla \u00f6v\u00fcnmek isteyen biri oldu\u011fu tahmin ediyordu. Lise biteli ka\u00e7 y\u0131l olmu\u015f, liseden bir iki ki\u015fi d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kimse ile g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmemi\u015fti. Bu bir iki ki\u015fi ile de epeydir g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcyordu. Daveti kabul etmi\u015f olmas\u0131na hala sinirliydi. Gitmek durumunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in de\u011fil, kendisine sunulan tekliflere istemese de hay\u0131r diyemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in. Neyse art\u0131k madem kabul ettim bari s\u00f6ylenmeyeyim, yar\u0131m saat durup kalkar\u0131m diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Bu s\u0131rada arabas\u0131na gelmi\u015fti. Tam arabas\u0131n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7arken bir anda kapatt\u0131. H\u0131zla metro dura\u011f\u0131na y\u00f6neldi. Bunu neden yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmiyordu. Lise arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131na arabas\u0131 ile gitmek istememi\u015fti. Hayat\u0131 hakk\u0131nda ne kadar\u00a0 az detay g\u00f6sterirse, o kadar iyi olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Arabas\u0131 ile kimsenin ilgilenmeyece\u011fini biliyordu. \u0130lgilenseler bile Selim i\u00e7in arabas\u0131 \u00f6zel ya da \u00f6nemli bir ayr\u0131nt\u0131 de\u011fildi. Neden b\u00f6yle bir hamle yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131na anlam veremese de i\u00e7inden b\u00f6yle gelmi\u015fti. Alt\u0131 yedi dakika y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fckten sonra metro dura\u011f\u0131na geldi. Metronun kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce bu kadar kalabal\u0131k olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilsem metroya biner miydim diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Yine de binerdim diye, karar k\u0131ld\u0131 kendince. Belki ger\u00e7ekten binerdi, belki de yolun kalan\u0131n\u0131 pi\u015fmanl\u0131kla ge\u00e7irmemek i\u00e7in karar\u0131ndan emin oldu\u011funa kendini inand\u0131rd\u0131. Her ne kadar karar\u0131ndan pi\u015fman de\u011filmi\u015f gibi dursa da bu kadar insan\u0131n bir pazar sabah\u0131 nereye gitti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden edemedi. Ona kalsa hi\u00e7 d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmayacakt\u0131. Kalabal\u0131k aras\u0131nda ayakta durmakta zorland\u0131. Saatine bakt\u0131 daha bulu\u015fmaya k\u0131rk be\u015f dakika vard\u0131. \u0130nmesi gereken duraktan erken inip y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her ne kadar istemeyerek gidiyor olsa da saat yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a heyecanlanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Yirmi sekiz y\u0131ld\u0131r g\u00f6rmedi\u011fi ki\u015filerle bir masa etraf\u0131nda toplanmak garip bir histi. Bunlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken kahvalt\u0131 yapacaklar\u0131 mek\u00e2na geldi. Bulu\u015facaklar\u0131 saate yirmi dakika vard\u0131. Yine de i\u00e7eri girdi, kendi gibi erken gelen birilerinin olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc, olmasa da sorun de\u011fildi. \u0130\u00e7eri girer girmez masada oturan Tufan\u2019\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc. \u0130\u00e7tenlikle g\u00fcl\u00fcyordu, onu g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnden tan\u0131d\u0131. Yoksa Tufan eskisi gibi de\u011fildi, \u00e7ok de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti. Tufan s\u0131n\u0131f\u0131n en \u015fen \u015fakrak, haylaz, e\u011flence pe\u015finde ko\u015fan ki\u015fisiydi. Bu bulu\u015fma da kesin onun ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bunu nas\u0131l tahmin edemedim diye \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Bunlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken oldu\u011fu yerde kald\u0131. O s\u0131rada, Tufan eliyle gel diye i\u015faret etti. Bu harekete kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k, Selim ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 e\u011ferek selam verdi. Tufan\u2018\u0131n samimiyetine kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k vermi\u015f oldu\u011fu selam\u0131 \u00e7ok resmi bularak utand\u0131 ve bunu telafi etmek i\u00e7in seni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce bir an lise y\u0131llar\u0131na gittim dedi. Fakat Tufan ne bunun gizlice dilenen bir \u00f6z\u00fcr oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131 ne de Selim\u2019in vermi\u015f oldu\u011fu so\u011fuk selamlamaya tak\u0131ld\u0131. Ayn\u0131 samimiyetle, \u201cOtur abicim otur\u201d dedi. Selim\u2019in erken gelmi\u015f olmas\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcnden ka\u00e7mad\u0131 ve hayret erkencisin diye \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 dile getirdi. Selim g\u00fclerek \u201ceee insan \u00f6\u011freniyor bir ya\u015ftan sonra ge\u00e7 kalmamay\u0131\u201d. Bir yandan da sabahki sine\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek o olmasa muhtemelen hala yoldayd\u0131m diye ge\u00e7irdi i\u00e7inden. Selim oturduklar\u0131 masay\u0131 tahmin etti\u011finden daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck buldu ve sordu:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Bug\u00fcn ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi gelecek?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 -Valla \u00e7ok kalabal\u0131k de\u011filiz, s\u0131n\u0131f\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131na ula\u015famad\u0131m, bir k\u0131sm\u0131 da gelmeye pek yana\u015fmad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunlar\u0131 s\u00f6ylerken Tufan\u2019\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Bu bulu\u015fma i\u00e7in ne kadar u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 belliydi. Selim de gelmeye yana\u015fmayan taraftayd\u0131 ama gelmi\u015fti i\u015fte. Tufan\u2019\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce geldi\u011fine pi\u015fman olmad\u0131 hatta i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e sevindi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tufan, \u201cBak kimler geldi\u201d dedi. Gelen Seza ve \u00d6mer\u2019di. Seza\u2019y\u0131 hat\u0131rlar gibi olmu\u015ftu ama \u00d6mer’i \u00e7\u0131kartamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ta ki \u00d6mer yanlar\u0131na gelip g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek merhabalar diyene kadar. Demek, insan ne kadar ya\u015flansa da bak\u0131\u015flar, ses ve mimik ya\u015flanm\u0131yordu. \u00d6mer hep donuk bakard\u0131. Hala da \u00f6yle bak\u0131yordu. Hi\u00e7bir zaman s\u0131n\u0131fla samimi olmayan kendi halinde tak\u0131lan bir ki\u015filikti \u00d6mer. Hatta bug\u00fcn buraya gelmi\u015f olmas\u0131 bile Selim\u2019i \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Seza s\u0131n\u0131f\u0131n \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan \u00f6\u011frencisi pek de\u011fi\u015fmemi\u015fti. Geldi\u011finden beri telefonu iki kez \u00e7ald\u0131, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcde izin isteyerek masadan kalkt\u0131. Yakla\u015f\u0131k on dakika sonra ”pazar g\u00fcn\u00fc bile rahat b\u0131rakm\u0131yorlar\u201d diyerek masaya d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Kendini Seza\u2019ya cevap vermek zorunda hisseden Selim, ne diyece\u011fini bilmeyerek g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. O s\u0131rada i\u00e7eri Serhat girdi. Serhat, Selim\u2019in s\u0131ra arkada\u015f\u0131yd\u0131. Derste canlar\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u015fiir ve komik maniler yazarlard\u0131. Biri ba\u015flat\u0131r, di\u011feri devam\u0131n\u0131 getirirdi. Selim hemen yerinden kalkt\u0131 ve Serhat\u2019a sar\u0131ld\u0131. \u201cNas\u0131l oldu da bu kadar zaman g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmedik\u201d dedi Serhat. Selim de bu duruma hay\u0131flan\u0131yordu.\u00a0 Liseden sonra hi\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmemi\u015f de\u011fillerdi ama epey uzun zamand\u0131r g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Selim, oturdu\u011fu yerin yan\u0131ndaki bo\u015f sandalyeyi g\u00f6sterdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Masada muhabbet koyula\u015fm\u0131\u015f, konu\u015fmalar\u0131 takip etmek zorla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Akl\u0131na bir an\u0131 gelen, d\u00fcmeni eline al\u0131yor ve konu\u015fmay\u0131 ba\u015fka bir y\u00f6ne \u00e7eviriyor, h\u00e2l b\u00f6yle olunca baz\u0131 noktalar yar\u0131m kal\u0131yordu. Ama buna kimse tak\u0131lm\u0131yordu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Muhabbet, eski an\u0131lar \u00fczerinden d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu. Hep b\u00f6yle olur. Uzunca bir zaman g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmeyen ki\u015filerin bug\u00fcne dair s\u00f6yleyecekleri s\u00f6zler kalmaz ve d\u00fcnden konu\u015furlar. Selim bir an durdu ve masada oturanlar\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne tek tek bakt\u0131. G\u00fclen g\u00f6zlerin ard\u0131nda hep bir h\u00fcz\u00fcn vard\u0131 sanki. Y\u00fczler k\u0131r\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f bak\u0131\u015flar yorgundu. Y\u0131llarca ayn\u0131 s\u0131ralarda oturan gen\u00e7 ruhlar gitmi\u015f, birbirlerinden bihaber olan eski lise arkada\u015flar\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ke\u015fke \u015fu masadan biz kalksak liseli hallerimiz otursa diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. \u0130\u00e7ini ac\u0131tan yo\u011fun bir \u00f6zlem hissetti. Asl\u0131nda lise arkada\u015flar\u0131na bu kadar d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcn de\u011fildi, bu kadar \u00f6zlem hissetmesine kendi de \u015fa\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saat epey ilerlemi\u015f, masada Tufan, Serhat ve Selim kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 sadece. Serhat \u201cArkada\u015flar bana m\u00fcsaade\u201d deyince \u00fc\u00e7\u00fc birden kalkt\u0131 masadan. Selim arabas\u0131z geldi\u011fi i\u00e7in sevindi metroya bile binmeden y\u00fcr\u00fcmek istiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Selim y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye devam ederken, Serhat\u2019la olan an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Birlikte yazd\u0131klar\u0131 \u015fiiri  edebiyat \u00f6\u011fretmeni Sema Han\u0131m yakalam\u0131\u015f, ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn Selim ve Serhat\u2019\u0131 yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yazd\u0131klar\u0131 \u015fiiri \u00e7ok be\u011fendi\u011fini ama bunu bir daha derste yapmamalar\u0131 gerekti\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti. Selim, Sema Hocas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ok severdi, akl\u0131na edebiyat dersleri geldi. Sema Han\u0131m bir g\u00fcn derste Termal Otel adl\u0131 \u00f6yk\u00fcy\u00fc okumu\u015f ve \u00f6yk\u00fcde ge\u00e7en \u201c\u00c7ocuklar insafs\u0131z olurlar ve sonradan i\u00e7lerinde bilmedikleri yaralar kal\u0131r.\u201d <\/em>(Fikret \u00dcrg\u00fcp) c\u00fcmlesinden anlad\u0131klar\u0131 ile ilgili bir yaz\u0131 yazmalar\u0131n\u0131 istemi\u015fti. Selim, s\u00f6z \u00fczerine \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f ama bu s\u00f6z\u00fc bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc anlayamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00d6devi de birka\u00e7 c\u00fcmleyi ge\u00e7memi\u015fti zaten. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ancak \u015fu an anlayabilmi\u015fti bu s\u00f6z\u00fc, aradan yirmi sekiz y\u0131l ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Baz\u0131 \u015feylerin zaman istedi\u011fini, bazen bir s\u00f6z\u00fc anlamak i\u00e7in ya\u015famak gerekti\u011fini anlad\u0131. Selim\u2019in bug\u00fcn hissettiklerinin \u00f6zlem olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 fark etti. Bu hisler \u00e7ocukluktan kalan, bilmedi\u011fi yaralara aitti. \u00c7ocukluk ve gen\u00e7lik h\u0131zla ge\u00e7er ama bilmedi\u011fimiz izler b\u0131rak\u0131r. \u015eimdi anl\u0131yordu neden bu bulu\u015fmaya gelmek istemedi\u011fini. Selim lise arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fil, kendini unutmak istiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yazar: Dilara \u015eahino\u011flu<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

”Uzunca bir zaman g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmeyen ki\u015filerin bug\u00fcne dair s\u00f6yleyecekleri s\u00f6zler kalmaz ve d\u00fcnden konu\u015furlar.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":54,"featured_media":3144,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nKendini Unutmak | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/kendini-unutmak\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kendini Unutmak | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden 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