{"id":3071,"date":"2021-04-29T16:58:36","date_gmt":"2021-04-29T13:58:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=3071"},"modified":"2021-04-29T16:58:40","modified_gmt":"2021-04-29T13:58:40","slug":"genc-bir-kadindan-mektup-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/genc-bir-kadindan-mektup-2","title":{"rendered":"Gen\u00e7 Bir Kad\u0131ndan Mektup #2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunma s\u00fcresi yakla\u015f\u0131k 4 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu mektup d\u0131\u015far\u0131da bir yerlerde, kendi ya\u015famlar\u0131na h\u00fckmetmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan t\u00fcm kad\u0131nlara a\u00e7\u0131k bir \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131d\u0131r. Mektubunuzun i\u00e7ine gizledi\u011finiz hikayelerinizle bu mektuba yan\u0131t verebilirsiniz. \u0130lham verici sat\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 buraya dizmekten gurur duyaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/em><\/strong> <\/em><\/strong><\/em>Size bundan \u00f6nce iletmi\u015f oldu\u011fum mektubun sahibi, zeytin a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda sizden gelen yorumlar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir keyifle dinledi. Y\u0131llarca a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131na anlatt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 sizin ilgiyle okuman\u0131za \u00e7ok sevindi. Sesini harflere d\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc ve sizlere ula\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00e7ok mutlu. Merakla mektuplar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 bekledi\u011fini sizlere iletmemi rica etti.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/em><\/strong> <\/em><\/strong>\u0130lk mektubun ard\u0131ndan, ba\u015fka mektuplar da geldi. Duyulmay\u0131 bekleyen bir\u00e7ok hik\u00e2ye olmas\u0131 \u00e7ok heyecan verici. Bu mektupta yer alan hikaye ise her mektup gibi olduk\u00e7a \u00f6zel. Unutmay\u0131n, her yeni mektup, bir yeni a\u00e7\u0131k \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131d\u0131r. Ve okuyaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z bu mektup d\u00fcnyan\u0131n herhangi bir yerinde, herhangi bir isimle ya\u015fayan gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131ndan g\u00f6nderilmi\u015ftir. Bendeniz ise size bu mektubu usul\u00fcnce iletmekle g\u00f6revlendirilmi\u015f bulunmaktay\u0131m.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u0130lk mektubu okudu\u011fumda, i\u00e7imde patlayan bir yanarda\u011f hissettim. Ben de bir mektup yazmal\u0131yd\u0131m. Uzunca s\u00fcredir i\u00e7imde bir yerlerde biriktirdiklerim d\u00fcnyayla bulu\u015fmal\u0131yd\u0131. B\u00f6ylece elime bir kalem ald\u0131m ve sizin kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131za geldim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Benim saatim sizlerden geride ak\u0131yor. Belki ayn\u0131 zaman dilimini payla\u015fm\u0131yoruz ama biliyorum ki ayn\u0131 hik\u00e2yeleri payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m kad\u0131nlar var. \u015eimdi bu sat\u0131rlar\u0131 yazmamdaki tek g\u00fc\u00e7 de bunu bilmem. Zamanlar\u0131m\u0131z farkl\u0131 olsa da hepimiz ayn\u0131 d\u00fcnyada b\u00fcy\u00fcyoruz. Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n d\u00fcnyaya g\u00f6zlerini a\u00e7t\u0131klar\u0131 ilk andan beri ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 d\u00fcnya ayn\u0131. \u00d6nceki mektupta, zeytin a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131 ile dolu d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda \u00f6zg\u00fcrce ya\u015fayan o gen\u00e7 kad\u0131n, i\u00e7imde kararm\u0131\u015f bir hayali bana hat\u0131rlatt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do\u011fdu\u011fum g\u00fcn, en pahal\u0131 \u00e7ar\u015faflara sar\u0131ld\u0131m. Yumu\u015fac\u0131k yast\u0131klar \u00fcst\u00fcnde, sanki \u00fczerime vuran havadan bile zarar g\u00f6rebilirmi\u015fim gibi b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm. Ne bir s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kalbimde b\u00fcy\u00fctebildim ne de annesine ko\u015farak sar\u0131lan o ne\u015feli \u00e7ocuklardan olabildim. S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m vard\u0131. Sadece s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m ve ben.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7ocuklu\u011fum da s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131 tan\u0131yarak ge\u00e7ti. Her s\u0131n\u0131r \u00e7izgisine yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda i\u00e7eri s\u00fcr\u00fcklendim. Ne giyece\u011fim, ne giyemeyece\u011fim, ne yiyece\u011fim, sa\u00e7\u0131mla ve bedenimle ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u2026 T\u00fcm bunlar o s\u0131n\u0131rlarla o kadar net \u00e7izilmi\u015flerdi ki bir saniye bile aksini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemiyordum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Biraz b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp ger\u00e7ekten o ac\u0131mas\u0131z d\u00fcnyaya ad\u0131m att\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, s\u0131n\u0131rlar y\u00fcz\u00fcme sert\u00e7e \u00e7arpt\u0131. Bedenim belli bir \u015fekilde g\u00f6r\u00fcnmek zorundayd\u0131, bu y\u00fczden istedi\u011fimi yiyemezdim. \u0130stedi\u011fim \u015fekilde de giyinemezdim. V\u00fccudumun kusurlar\u0131n\u0131 kapatmam gerekiyordu. Ne \u00e7ok a\u00e7\u0131k olmal\u0131 ne de \u00e7ok kapal\u0131. Her \u015fey net bir \u015fekilde \u00e7izilmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u00f6kl\u00fc bir aileden geldi\u011fimden, etraf\u0131mda d\u00f6nen terziler, yard\u0131mc\u0131lar, hocalar olurdu. Kimse bana ne istedi\u011fimi sormadan benimle ilgilenirdi. Yap\u0131lmas\u0131 gerekenler netti. Bize g\u00f6sterilen \u00f6rnekler gibi olmal\u0131yd\u0131m, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fcs\u00fc kabul edilemezdi. Tek tip bir beden, tek tip bir kad\u0131n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u015fin k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc, bunlar\u0131 bir erke\u011fin boyunduru\u011funa girmek i\u00e7in yapard\u0131k. Be\u011fenilmek, arzu edilmek ve bizi arzu eden en prestijli erkekle hayatlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 birle\u015ftirmek. Sanki bize b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir hayat varm\u0131\u015f gibi\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her \u015fey plana uygun gitti. Belli bir ya\u015fa geldi\u011fimde, beni arzu eden en prestijli erkekle evlendirildim. O zamanlar etraf\u0131mdaki herkes bana imrenerek bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan iyi bir \u015fey ba\u015fard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131yordum. Ama hala y\u00fcz\u00fcme \u00e7arpan s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bir nefes \u00f6temde hissediyordum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dedim ya bize bi\u00e7ilmi\u015f bir rol vard\u0131. Senaryo ortadayd\u0131. Herkes oyuna sad\u0131k kalmam\u0131 ve uslu olmam\u0131 bekliyordu. \u00d6yle ki evlendi\u011fim g\u00fcn\u00fcn hayat\u0131m\u0131n en mutlu g\u00fcn\u00fc oldu\u011funa karar vermi\u015fler ancak buna ra\u011fmen o g\u00fcnde a\u011flamam gerekti\u011fini oyuna yazm\u0131\u015flard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben de oyuna sad\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Y\u0131llarca\u2026 Kiminle evlenece\u011fimden hangi g\u00fcn mutlu olaca\u011f\u0131ma kadar hayat\u0131m\u0131n her an\u0131 i\u00e7in yaz\u0131lan bu oyundan ba\u015flarda \u015fikayet\u00e7i de\u011fildim. Benden narin, nazik ve kibar olmam bekleniyordu. E\u015fimin misafirlerini kusursuz \u015fekilde a\u011f\u0131rlamam, gerekmedik\u00e7e konu\u015fmamam ve bir duygu g\u00f6stereceksem de bunun yaln\u0131zca a\u011flamak olmas\u0131 bekleniyordu. \u015eefkat duymam, merhametli olmam ve boyun e\u011fmem \u015fartt\u0131. Ba\u015flarda bu kad\u0131n\u0131 oynamak \u00e7ok kolayd\u0131. Yiyor, i\u00e7iyor, misafirler a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131yordum. Hayat\u0131mdan memnundum. Hayat\u0131n bana daha \u00f6nceden \u00e7izdi\u011fi s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n silikle\u015fti\u011fini hissediyordum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ta ki istemedi\u011fim halde \u00e7ocuk sahibi olmam gerekti\u011fi bana s\u00f6ylenene kadar. Herkes bunu bekliyordu. Bana bi\u00e7ilmi\u015f rol bunu gerektiriyordu. Ancak ben bunu hi\u00e7 istemiyordum. Hayat\u0131n s\u0131rt\u0131ma istemedi\u011fim t\u00fcm y\u00fckleri y\u00fckleyip bir kenardan beni g\u00fclerek izledi\u011fini i\u015fte o zaman anlad\u0131m.  \u0130stemedi\u011fim bir adamla, istemedi\u011fim k\u0131yafetlerin i\u00e7inde, istemedi\u011fim bir evdeydim. S\u0131n\u0131rlar her zamankinden daha keskindi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ba\u015flarda bu fark\u0131ndal\u0131\u011f\u0131n getirdi\u011fi y\u00fckle ba\u015f edemedim. Sadece uyuyordum. Eskisi gibi mutlu g\u00f6r\u00fcnen o kad\u0131n de\u011fildim. Yataktan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p bir \u015feyler yapmak zorunda kalmak korkun\u00e7 geliyordu. O ya\u015f\u0131ma kadar hi\u00e7bir se\u00e7im yapmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u015eimdiyse yap\u0131yordum i\u015fte. Yataktan \u00e7\u0131kmamay\u0131 se\u00e7iyordum. Hayattan ve bana yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f o rolden art\u0131k vazge\u00e7mi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Annem ve k\u0131z karde\u015fim s\u0131k s\u0131k beni g\u00f6rmeye geliyor, b\u00f6yle devam edersem e\u015fimi kaybedece\u011fimi s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Y\u00fczlerine kar\u015f\u0131 bir \u015fey demesem de bundan hi\u00e7 korkmuyordum. As\u0131l iste\u011fim kaybetmekti. Her \u015feyi. As\u0131l kaybetti\u011fim zaman, kazanm\u0131\u015f olacakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu \u015fekilde ka\u00e7 ay ya\u015fad\u0131m bilmiyorum. Sonra bir g\u00fcn, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z semte yeni ta\u015f\u0131nm\u0131\u015f gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131n, tan\u0131\u015fmak \u00fczere beni ziyarete geldi. Kimseyi g\u00f6rmek istemedi\u011fimi s\u00f6yleyerek kad\u0131n\u0131 geri \u00e7evirdim. Bir s\u00fcre sonra kad\u0131n tekrar tekrar ziyarete geldi. Bu kadar \u0131srarc\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131n nedenini anlayam\u0131yordum. Mecburen onu kabul etmek zorunda kald\u0131m. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

O gen\u00e7 kad\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm ilk an\u0131 asla unutam\u0131yorum. Kendisine ait oyunu oynamam\u0131\u015f bir kad\u0131nd\u0131. Nerede g\u00f6rseniz tan\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z o kad\u0131nlardand\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde y\u00fcz\u00fcne tan\u0131d\u0131k bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme yay\u0131ld\u0131. \u201cSizi \u00e7ok fazla tutmayaca\u011f\u0131m. Buna ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131z oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, bana da zaman\u0131nda bir arkada\u015f\u0131m vermi\u015fti.\u201d diyerek elime bir kitap tutu\u015fturdu ve gitti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neye u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Kitab\u0131 g\u00fcnlerce izledim. Kapa\u011f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktu. Kitaptan \u00e7ok deftere benziyordu. Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda direncim k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kitab\u0131 okumaya karar vermi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u015fte her \u015fey okudu\u011fum o kitaptan sonra de\u011fi\u015fti. Asl\u0131nda bir kitap de\u011fildi. \u0130\u00e7erisinde tek bir c\u00fcmlenin yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 eski bir defterdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSeni \u0130stedi\u011fin gibi ya\u015famaktan al\u0131koyan nedir?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

O c\u00fcmle beni g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yataktan \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p hayata d\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fc. Kafamda s\u00fcrekli yank\u0131lanmaya ba\u015flayan bu c\u00fcmleyle, sevmedi\u011fim o evden, istemedi\u011fim o evlilikten kurtuldum. Yeniden hayata d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. Hangi duygular\u0131 ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131ma karar vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan herkesten uzak durdum. \u0130stedi\u011fim k\u0131yafetleri ald\u0131m, istedi\u011fim eve yerle\u015ftim. Hatta inan\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z, istedi\u011fim i\u015fi bile yapmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir zamanlar gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131ndan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m o eli, \u015fimdi ba\u015fka gen\u00e7 kad\u0131nlara uzat\u0131yorum. S\u0131n\u0131rlara \u00e7arparak yalpalayan, ne zaman a\u011flay\u0131p ne zaman g\u00fclece\u011fi bile \u00f6nceden planlanan, g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz ve yard\u0131ma muhta\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fcnmesi gerekti\u011fi s\u00f6ylenen gen\u00e7 kad\u0131nlara bu mektubu gururla yaz\u0131yorum. Sizi birka\u00e7 siyah \u00e7izginin aras\u0131na hapsetmeye kimin hakk\u0131 var? L\u00fctfen bu c\u00fcmlenin zihninizde yank\u0131lanmas\u0131na izin verin. Zeytin a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 m\u0131 seviyorsunuz? Onlarla dolu bir yerde ya\u015fay\u0131n. G\u00fclmek istiyorsan\u0131z g\u00fcl\u00fcn, hem de kahkahalarla. A\u011flamak istiyorsan\u0131z a\u011flay\u0131n. Var olun ve kendinize \u015funu her g\u00fcn sorun: Sizi istedi\u011finiz gibi ya\u015famaktan al\u0131koyan nedir?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yazar: Eyl\u00fcl Y\u0131lmaz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

”Var olun ve kendinize \u015funu her g\u00fcn sorun: Sizi istedi\u011finiz gibi ya\u015famaktan al\u0131koyan nedir?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50,"featured_media":3072,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nGen\u00e7 Bir Kad\u0131ndan Mektup #2 | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/genc-bir-kadindan-mektup-2\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Gen\u00e7 Bir Kad\u0131ndan Mektup #2 | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psikoloji 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