(Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n okunmas\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131k 2 dakika s\u00fcrmektedir.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sorumluluklar\u0131n her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn omuzlar\u0131na deste deste y\u00fcklendi\u011fi bir sabaha daha uyand\u0131, g\u00f6n\u00fcls\u00fczce. Babas\u0131 gecenin sonunda ne id\u00fc\u011f\u00fc belirsiz bir yerde s\u0131z\u0131p kalmak i\u00e7in kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7oktan \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck karde\u015fi kendi d\u00fcnyas\u0131na kapan\u0131p m\u0131\u015f gibi yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 oyunlar\u0131n i\u00e7erisinde kaybolmu\u015ftu. Bakmakla sorumlu oldu\u011fu bir ev, gelece\u011fe yeti\u015ftirece\u011fi bir insan, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131yla alakas\u0131 olmayan bir baba ve y\u00fcre\u011finde karadelik gibi dibi olmayan, hi\u00e7 bitip t\u00fckenmeyen anne hasreti. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
O g\u00fcn \u201cb\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm\u201d demi\u015fti kendine i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kayb\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, ac\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n derinli\u011fi olgunla\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 gen\u00e7 k\u0131z\u0131, hem de 12 ya\u015f\u0131nda. Gen\u00e7 k\u0131za g\u00f6re ergenlik \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda yeti\u015fkin hayat\u0131 s\u00fcrmesi ona hayat taraf\u0131ndan y\u00fcklenmi\u015f bir y\u00fck. Hem de hi\u00e7 r\u0131zas\u0131 olmadan. Akranlar\u0131 etraf\u0131ndaki erkekler ya da k\u0131zlar hakk\u0131nda masum yorumlarda bulunurken, evlerinde gen\u00e7lik dergilerinde boy boy foto\u011fraflarla yer alan \u00fcnl\u00fclerin foto\u011fraflar\u0131n\u0131 kesip bi\u00e7ip odalar\u0131n\u0131n duvar\u0131na hayran hayran asarken; gen\u00e7 k\u0131z rutubetlenmi\u015f duvara geli\u015fig\u00fczel s\u00fcr\u00fclen kirecin orada bulunmaktan tiksinircesine kendini kusarak ya\u015fam\u0131na son vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na tan\u0131kl\u0131k ediyordu. Yine ayn\u0131 duvarda ya\u015fama tutunmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan \u00f6r\u00fcmce\u011fin maharetlerini izleyerek uykuya dal\u0131yordu. Baz\u0131 geceler \u201cya uyurken \u00fczerimde gezinirse\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleriyle zar zor uyurken baz\u0131 gecelerde g\u00f6zlerini yine kireci d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f ve d\u00f6k\u00fclen yerlerin olu\u015fturdu\u011fu \u015fekillere bak\u0131p babas\u0131n\u0131n ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla gelece\u011fini hayal ediyordu. Kendisine ait bir oda, kitaplarla s\u00fcslenmi\u015f bir masa, rengarenk kalemler, \u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7e\u015fit defterler\u2026 K\u0131sacas\u0131 \u201ckendisine ait bir hayat\u201d istiyordu gen\u00e7 k\u0131z. Kendisine bah\u015fedilen her ya\u015f\u0131 lay\u0131k\u0131yla ya\u015famay\u0131 diliyordu. Hemen yeti\u015fmek istemiyordu hayata. Hem \u00e7ocuk olmak o kadar g\u00fczelken bu b\u00fcy\u00fcme arzusu niye?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fcn birbirinden farks\u0131z oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcn d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Karde\u015fini parka g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu bir nebze olsun ya\u015famas\u0131na olanak tan\u0131rken, kendisi de sal\u0131ncakta sallan\u0131p r\u00fczgar\u0131n tenini yalamas\u0131yla \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hat\u0131rlamay\u0131 istiyordu; benli\u011fini hissedebilmek i\u00e7in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eve d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yolunu istemeye istemeye tuttururken kald\u0131r\u0131mda \u00f6n\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kan ta\u015f\u0131, aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ucuyla var g\u00fcc\u00fcyle f\u0131rlat\u0131yordu ileriye do\u011fru. Ta\u015f en sonunda bir yere tak\u0131l\u0131p durmak zorunda kald\u0131. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 hafif bir hareketle kald\u0131ran gen\u00e7 k\u0131z \u00e7\u00f6p kutusunun yan\u0131nda kaderine terk edilmi\u015f, sayfalar\u0131 sararm\u0131\u015f, kapaklar\u0131 solmu\u015f bir kitap istifi ile g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldi. Aniden zihninde babas\u0131n\u0131n t\u00fcm kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 bir hi\u00e7 u\u011fruna yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 canland\u0131; i\u00e7ine bir kor ate\u015f d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Kitap hasretiyle ka\u00e7 zamand\u0131r yan\u0131p tutu\u015fan gen\u00e7 k\u0131z, karde\u015fini \u00e7eki\u015ftire \u00e7eki\u015ftire \u00e7\u00f6p kutusunun yan\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Elinde \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6ncesinden kalma tostu kemiren karde\u015fi anlams\u0131z g\u00f6zlerle bir anlam y\u00fckleyebilmek i\u00e7in bak\u0131yordu etraf\u0131na. Gen\u00e7 k\u0131z ise hazine bulmu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na g\u00f6zlerinden damlayan ya\u015flarla inceliyordu kaderine terk edilmi\u015f kitaplar\u0131. \u201cNiye?\u201d diye sordu kendi kendine. \u201cNiye her biri i\u00e7inde ayr\u0131 bir hayat bulunan bu kitaplar burada b\u0131rak\u0131l\u0131r hem de evin en g\u00fczel k\u00f6\u015fesinde tozlar\u0131ndan ar\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imde konumland\u0131r\u0131lmay\u0131 beklerken? Niye insanlar hayal g\u00fcc\u00fcyle bezenmi\u015f bu k\u0131ymetlileri buraya lay\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fcr? Hem de her kitap kendi i\u00e7inde imkans\u0131z yollardan ge\u00e7mi\u015fken.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kitaplar\u0131 zar zor evine ta\u015f\u0131rken gen\u00e7 k\u0131z, kendisi i\u00e7in en g\u00fczel yere koydu kitaplar\u0131; her birini tozdan g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeyen toz beziyle temizleyerek. Babas\u0131n\u0131n nedensiz sinirlerinden korumak i\u00e7in koydu yata\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131na kitaplar\u0131 kendince yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir seremoniyle. \u0130\u00e7lerinden binbir u\u011fra\u015fla se\u00e7ti\u011fi kitaplardan birini de yast\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131na ili\u015ftirdi. Her gece r\u00fcyas\u0131nda o kitab\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131na dalabilmek i\u00e7in yumdu g\u00f6zlerini ve b\u0131rakt\u0131 kendini uykunun masum kollar\u0131na. Belki de bundan sonra sadece r\u00fcyalar\u0131nda \u00e7ocuk olabilmek, \u00e7ocuk kalabilmek i\u00e7in. Annesinin yoklu\u011funa, babas\u0131n\u0131n gazaplar\u0131na, karde\u015finin m\u0131zm\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na ve ufak da olsa yer edindi\u011fi d\u00fcnyan\u0131n t\u00fcm pisli\u011fine ra\u011fmen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yazar: Elif Ay\u00e7a \u00d6lmez <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
”Kendisine ait bir oda, kitaplarla s\u00fcslenmi\u015f bir masa, rengarenk kalemler, \u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7e\u015fit defterler\u2026 K\u0131sacas\u0131 \u201ckendisine ait bir hayat\u201d istiyordu gen\u00e7 k\u0131z. Kendisine bah\u015fedilen her ya\u015f\u0131 lay\u0131k\u0131yla ya\u015famay\u0131 diliyordu. ”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48,"featured_media":2552,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3],"tags":[731,161,730],"yoast_head":"\n