{"id":1641,"date":"2018-02-01T09:23:31","date_gmt":"2018-02-01T07:23:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/?p=1641"},"modified":"2018-02-01T09:24:28","modified_gmt":"2018-02-01T07:24:28","slug":"benden-sana","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/benden-sana","title":{"rendered":"Benden Sana"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 Benim g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131m,<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Bilmem ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 sonbaharda yaprak d\u00f6k\u00fcyor kim bilir tenin, ya\u011fan ya\u011fmur h\u0131zl\u0131ca yere \u00e7arparken ci\u011ferlerinin toprak kokusuyla birlikte a\u011flama iste\u011fiyle doldu\u011funu biliyorum. Sana a\u011flama demiyorum, e\u011fer a\u011flamak istiyorsan durma. \u0130zin verme g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n ci\u011ferlerine dolmas\u0131na, b\u0131rak \u00f6zg\u00fcr olsunlar onlar da senin gibi. \u0130\u00e7indeki anlam veremedi\u011fin bu derin s\u0131z\u0131 ge\u00e7ecek, \u00f6ncekiler ge\u00e7medi mi sanki. Can\u0131ndan can al\u0131p ge\u00e7ecek belki ama yine de ge\u00e7ecek. Hatalar yapt\u0131n, yapacakt\u0131n da. Hatalar\u0131 olmayan kim vard\u0131 ki senin olmayacakt\u0131. Ama benim g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131m, sen hatalar\u0131n da en g\u00fczelini yapt\u0131n \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hata yaparken bile elinden gelenin de\u011fil sadece, y\u00fcre\u011finden gelenin en iyisini yapt\u0131n. Pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duy bazen yapt\u0131klar\u0131ndan insans\u0131n en nihayetinde, vicdan\u0131n\u0131 sorgula, sevdiysen gurur yapma ama kendinden de \u00f6d\u00fcn verme asla, yeri gelince \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemeyi bil.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Benim ruhu bu zamana ait olmayan k\u0131z\u0131m, buras\u0131 y\u00fcz binlerce y\u0131l \u00f6nce insanlar\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6pl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc haline gelmi\u015f bir gezegen, sen bu gezegenin bedensel varl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnsel varl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla bir o kadar b\u00fcy\u00fck bir par\u00e7as\u0131s\u0131n. Bu d\u00fcnyada senden bir tane daha yok, birinin sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6tekinin ka\u015f\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131p birle\u015ftirseler o sen de\u011filsin. Senin ruhun bamba\u015fka. Sen yok olup gidersen bu diyardan diyardakilere bir \u015fey olmaz ama bu diyara yaz\u0131k olur. Benim g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131m biliyorum yorgunsun, ruhun dinlensin istersin hep, huzur d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015feye ihtiya\u00e7 duymazs\u0131n, kalmaktansa gitmeyi ye\u011flersin ama kal, sen huzura gidemezsin. Hangi huzursuzluktan ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131nda huzura varabildin ki? Bekle, biraz daha sabret. Hayat tela\u015fesi i\u00e7inde ebedi huzuru bulamazs\u0131n, bo\u015funa kafan\u0131 bir o tarafa bir bu tarafa vurma, can\u0131n ac\u0131r. Kanatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 can\u0131n\u0131 bir de sen ac\u0131tma. Birden bire sal\u0131veremezsin b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015flerini, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini fakat yine de inan bana bir sabah uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda s\u0131rt\u0131ndaki bu y\u00fckle dola\u015fmayacaks\u0131n, aya\u011f\u0131na dolanmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan zehirli sarma\u015f\u0131klar\u0131n k\u00f6kleri kuruyacak; senin g\u00fczel, temiz g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n onlar\u0131 besleyemez ki. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Benim can\u0131m k\u0131z\u0131m nerede de\u011ferliysen orada dur, oraya git; ka\u00e7ma. Kalbinin en \u00fccra k\u00f6\u015fesine dahi sinememi\u015f olan hi\u00e7bir i\u015fi yapma ve hi\u00e7 kimseyi hayat\u0131na alma. Sen, sen ol. Sen sen olmazsan e\u011fer ne fark\u0131n kal\u0131r ki fikirlerini beyan edemeyen toprak alt\u0131ndaki bedenden. Kendini \u00f6zg\u00fcr b\u0131rak, bu hayata kafes i\u00e7inde ya\u015famaya gelmedin. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Benim duvarlar\u0131 sa\u011flam k\u0131z\u0131m, zor zamanlar olurmu\u015f ya hani nas\u0131l \u00e7\u0131karsak i\u00e7inden omurgam\u0131z \u00f6yle \u015fekillenirmi\u015f, sen omurgan\u0131 dik tut. Kendine iyi davran. Seni sevdi\u011fimi ve en candan dostunun ben oldu\u011funu bil. Ne zamanki dertle\u015fmek istersen ben seni dinlerim, senden ba\u015fka i\u015fim yok ki zaten benim. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Benim g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131m, sana son s\u00f6yleyeceklerimle birlikte mektubumu noktalayaca\u011f\u0131m. Bu s\u00f6zlerimi sen kendini iyi hissedesin diye s\u00f6ylemedim, sende var olup da kimsenin sana s\u00f6yleyemediklerini s\u00f6yledim. Duymak istediklerin de\u011fil, duyman gerekenlerdi bunlar. Ve son olarak seni seven insanlar\u0131n var oldu\u011funu bil ve bunu akl\u0131ndan hi\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131karma.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sevgilerimle, ho\u015f\u00e7a kal.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

YAZAR: <\/i>Burcu KAPLAN<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 Benim g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131m, \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Bilmem ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 sonbaharda yaprak d\u00f6k\u00fcyor kim bilir tenin, ya\u011fan ya\u011fmur h\u0131zl\u0131ca yere \u00e7arparken […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":1642,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[17,12,19],"yoast_head":"\nBenden Sana | Ak\u0131l Defterim<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psikoloji \u00f6\u011frencilerinin kaleminden yaz\u0131lar.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tpocg.org\/blog\/benden-sana\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Benden Sana | Ak\u0131l Defterim\" \/>\n<meta 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